Why did the old man fall in a well?

Spoiler	+
He couldn't see that well.

Stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.

Spoiler	+
Then it dawned on me.

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?

Spoiler	+
They're making headlines.

My friend thanked me for buying him an elephant for his room.

Spoiler	+
I told him 'Don't mention it'.

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Spoiler	+
Aye matey.

I tried to catch fog yesterday.

Spoiler	+
Mist.

I tried to tell mom she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

Spoiler	+
She looked surprised.

Yesterday a clown held a door open for me.

Spoiler	+
I thought it was a nice jester.

Did you hear about the French cheese factory explosion?

Spoiler	+
Lots of de brie.

I want a job cleaning mirrors...

Spoiler	+
it's just something I could really see myself doing.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Spoiler	+
Because he was outstanding in his field.

good thread

Igor, tell me a joke.

Two fish are in a tank. One of them looks to the other and says

Spoiler	+
So how do we drive this thing?

my eyes are permanently stuck facing the back of my head from rolling them so hard

KC @ 3/2/2018 18:50

Igor, tell me a joke.

Knock knock

Some of my favorites

NOTE: The spoiler tags are in place to keep the snowflakes from getting too offended


Setup: Some say Junkyard dogs are the meanest dogs around.

Spoiler	+
Punchline: But the truth is they're nowhere near as mean as the dogs that guard concentration camps

Setup: A large golden chain seems like a fantastic retirement gift

Spoiler	+
Punchline: For a slave

Setup: A new study shows that men can identify a homosexual man just by looking at his face.

Spoiler	+
Punchline: Its the face of a man buried in another man's asshole

Setup: Opinions are like assholes

Spoiler	+
Punchline: Neil Patrick Harris wants to stuff his cock in them

Setup: Elton John recently will begin his farewell tour later this year, so whats next for Sir Elton?

Spoiler	+
Punchline: Death

Setup: Its common knowledge that pimpin aint easy

Spoiler	+
Punchline: But i have to believe its much much more difficult to be a whore

Joke:

Spoiler	+
I still remember the good old days when tweeting meant stabbing a hooker

Setup: Dance like noone is watching, Sing like noone is listening, love like you've never been hurt,
Punchline:

Spoiler	+
And fuck like a goddamn retard

Setup: Catherine Zeta Jones recently admitted that shes bipolar, half the time shes deliriously happy,

Spoiler	+
Punchline: And the other half she has to suck an old man's cock

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the refreshment table and

Spoiler	+
there's no punchline.

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey...

Spoiler	+
but then I turned myself around.

I have a fear of speed bumps...

Spoiler	+
but I'm slowly getting over it.

I have a fear of elevators...

Spoiler	+
but I've started taking steps to avoid them.

You're cold? Sit in the corner.

Spoiler	+
It's 90 degrees.

What do you call a man with no nose and no body?

Spoiler	+
Nobody nose.

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?

Spoiler	+
They say he made a mint.

I took the shell off of my racing snail to make him faster...

Spoiler	+
but it only made him more sluggish.

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and poorly-dressed man on a bike?

Spoiler	+
Attire.

How do you kill a blue elephant?

Spoiler	+
With a blue elephant gun

How do you kill a pink elephant?

Spoiler	+
Choke the elephant until it turns blue, then use the blue elephant gun.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

Spoiler	+
I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Spoiler	+
Lean beef

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Spoiler	+
Ground beef

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Spoiler	+
Because the pee is silent.

What does an angry pepper do?

Spoiler	+
It gets jalapeño face.

lol

Christian win.

ROBIN: You didn't name everything in the bathroom after you, too, did you?
BATMAN: Of course not
ROBIN:
BATMAN: OK, yes, there's batshampoo
ROBIN:
BATMAN: But there's also conditioner gordon