I don't know why I'm posting this, I guess I just need to vent somewhere and let it all out. I just found out today that one of my very best friends from University has stage 2 Pancreatic Cancer, and I've been trying to keep it together but I don't think I can. My friend had been a little off the past few days when we would talk or message over Skype (she went back to India), talking about doing all these things she's never done that she wants to and all these different experiences. I told her I feel like she's not telling me something because she would prefer to talk over IM rather than Skype and it would always be really short chats over video, not to mention we talked a lot more the past few days than we have in a while. We kept in touch but living on opposite sides of the world, it wouldn't be often, and today she finally told me and I was, am, just stunned. Like I don't know what to feel or think, or say at times.

When she told me I quickly held my shit together and tried to be strong, the last thing she wanted was for me to act different to her or be weird. Only her dad and I know right now, her dad's going to tell her family tomorrow, and we were talking but she's already talking like she's got no time left. I told her to stop being silly and be strong, that she can and will beat this thing, but she started showing me statistics and everything and even with treatment, only like 6% of people live past 5 years, most succumbing within a year. It's like she's already accepted her fate, and I hate seeing her like that, she was always a firecracker, life of the party type of person and now it's like all of that has been drained out of her and she hasn't even started treatment (She starts chemo next week). I've tried staying positive, but it really just fucking sucks. I wanna be strong for her cause she turned to me when she felt alone and scared, and I don't want to let her down, but after we hung up today I cried, all of the things she said she'll miss out on, regret, wish she could do, like I don't even know what to do, or say, or if I'll be able to keep it together when I talk to her when she starts going through all her regrets and everything. I want to be there for her to tell her it'll be ok and that she can and will beat this, but I don't know if I can stay strong enough to do that myself when she keeps telling me things like she can feel it in her bones she's not long for this world. I so wish there was something I could do and I hate that I can't. She's only 23, and just knowing about it has taken so much out of her and it saddens me. I hate that I'm even venting because she's the one who just got thrown a fucking curveball in life. I'll stop now.

I'm sorry to hear that, Raptor. I really hope that she'll try her best to fight this thing and make the most out of the time she has left. I sucks that she has already gotten into that mentality. The way I see it, if you think like it's going to beat you, it already has. I hope she realizes that no matter how much time you have left in this world, there's always that chance of making it.

I sound sappy right now, but I hope she gets better. I hope you'll be okay too.

Cancer sucks. One of my best friends had it, fairly recently. But it wasn't bad, and they removed it and he semms totes fine. But it's scary as fuck so I empathize with you. I hope she gets through it. Tbh it sounds like you're supporting her the right way. Crying is ok. Seriously. Its fucking terrifying. idk what else to really say but damn. Im sorry

My dad is currently battling Stage 1 throat cancer, so I'm currently dealing with similar circumstances. My heart goes out to your friend but just know that a support system is the most important thing for her right now. Be there for her however you can, however far away she is.

Sorry to hear that. I'm in the midst of having to deal with a scare for somebody close at the moment. It's not the same as actually facing the real thing, but it's a terrifying ordeal. Just be as strong and supportive as you can be, even if it means putting on a face and holding back until you're alone.

PORL @ 9/3/2015 3:44

Sorry to hear that. I'm in the midst of having to deal with a scare for somebody close at the moment. It's not the same as actually facing the real thing, but it's a terrifying ordeal. Just be as strong and supportive as you can be, even if it means putting on a face and holding back until you're alone.

This.

I really don't even know what to say. Taking care of my grandpa a few years back and realizing he was declining was miserable. You never feel like you're doing enough. Watching someone you care about suffer is terrible, but at least with my grandpa it was expected. He was in his 80s and ill for years. Don't beat yourself up over not doing more. You aren't at fault and you are doing what she needs by being there for her.Your friend may seem resigned to fate, but I imagine it could also be a way to cope with the possible future. Just be there for her, and don't worry about whether you're doing "enough" or helping "the right way". There is no right way besides being her friend like you always have been.

Thanks guys.

:/... her brother called me, because I asked her to keep me up to date. It's progressed faster than they thought and it's stage 3, they haven't told her and surgery is the last option, for which she goes on Friday. I don't even know how I can talk to her knowing this when it took so much convincing to get her hopeful... :(

I'm sure it's a scary thing to go through, but just being there for her, I'm sure is doing a lot more for her than you even realize.

Hope everything works out. :(

Thinking of you and praying for you both. It's difficult to watch someone you care about fight that battle. Everyone has to fight in their own way, just be there for her no matter what she chooses.

Sorry to hear that Raptor. Cancer really sucks. My mom is currently battling cancer for the 3rd time.

It's hard but you just have to be as strong and supportive as possible.

She passed... I'm convinced there is no fucking such thing as God now. Done with this shit.

I am so sorry, Raptor. I have no words for how angry I am for you. This is terrible news.

:(