The shoppers sought refuge in the food court, as they watched the creek gradually encroach on the remaining untouched portion of the second floor. Only Bobby's World, Guido's, and Nickel Back Banking remained, but soon that would change. What started as a simple fight for survival against a multitude of murderous savages had been compounded with a race against time. Soon enough, the Black Creek would swallow this entire place whole.

The shoppers paused and contemplated their next move. With their de facto leader dead, they'd have to step up to the plate themselves. They looked to their left and saw Teddy dive into the encroaching creek and rise to the surface with a salmon between her teeth. Then to their right to see La'Vodka watching them all intently, but not saying a word.

"SPEAK UP, HARLOT!" Garrett snorted while he wielded his hammer threateningly.

Bernard places his hand on Garrett's shoulder.

"Silence you fool. I think it's entirely obvious that the large man, Frank, has been up to no good. I mean just look at him."

Frank was minding his own business, sitting at a table. He picked up two T-bone steaks with his bare hands and proceeded to wolf them down.

"FACT: this is the man that has been leading us sheep astray." Dwight stated.

Bernard took a puff of his cigar and nodded.

"This fool is correct. Down with the false shepherd, I say! DOWN WITH HIM!"

This was enough for most of the shoppers. They rallied behind Bernard and ran straight at Frank.

As Frank continued to focus on his delicious steak, Bernard grabbed a nearby fork and stabbed it straight into Frank's hand, pinning it to the table.

"AHH what'd ya do that for!"

The shoppers then pulled Frank from his chair and attempted to pin him down. But the big man wasn't going down without a fight.

"BEAST MODE BABYYYY!!" he roared out, as he began to swat at the oncoming shoppers as if they were flies.

Bernard stood back with a stern look on his face and a cigar between his teeth.

"BRING HIM DOWN, BRING HIM DOWN, BRING HIM DOWN!!!" Bernard yelled out desperately.

Hannah grabbed a steak knife from a nearby table and thrust it into Frank's bicep. The beast was finally slowed.

"AHHH not ma pythons ya bitch!!"

The shoppers took advantage of his momentary vulnerability and piled on top of him. Dwight, Beverly, Alien Child, Geenee, Hannah, and Mary Beth all held down various parts of Frank's body. It was just enough to keep the beast contained.

Bernard strode forward as Frank helplessly tried to wriggle free. Bernard stood above him and looked down with a sneering grin on his face, before taking his cigar out of his mouth to speak.

"Game over, you filthy cultist."

Bernard grabbed the knife out of Frank's arm and held it up to his throat.

------------------------------

"Win, and you'll preserve your future and claim the $100,000 grand prize! Lose, and you're history!" host Luke Tippled yelled across the arena. "Are you ready!"

"YEAH BABY!!!! LETS FRIGGIN' DO THIS MAN I'M READY TO GO!!!!" screamed Frank.

"Uh..ready." replied his opponent JR nervously.

For the last time, Luke Tipple awkwardly looked back and forth from the camera to the remaining two contestants and counted down. "5...4...3...2....1.....GO!!"


"BEAST MOOOOODE!!!" Frank screamed as he took off. He rammed through a series of platforms on his way to the top of the tower. He had made it to the top before his opponent even climbed to the first platform.

Next was the descent. Frank plunged through a tangled mess of bungie cords. They were meant to slow his progress, but they didn't. His heavy frame plummeted through them and he landed into the cold ground with a thud, leaving a Frank shaped imprint in the grass.

Now was the hard part. Frank ran across the field and approached a puzzle station. He had to remove a series of rods in the right order to make a ball fall through. Frank tugged at several rods at once, but nothing was budging.

"WHAT TEH HECK IS THIS CRAP MAN?!?" Frank screamed at the host.

By now, JR had caught up and was working on his puzzle.

"Oh gahd damn no way, NOT TODAY BABY!" Frank screamed.

Fed up, he grabbed the base of the puzzle tower and yanked it upwards. The six inch spikes that were driven into the ground to hold it in place were pried upwards. With all his might, Frank pulled once more and tore the puzzle clean from the ground. The ball was released and fell into the wet grass.

"THATS HOW YOU DO IT BABY!!!! NOTHING STOPS ME MAN!!!!"

Frank sprinted past JR and ran for the final obstacle, the cargo net climb to the top of the tower.

"JR YOUR DONE MAN!!!!!" he yelled as he sprinted past him full speed.

Frank jumped through the air and landed on the cargo net. He felt the victory in his grasp. As he got nearer and nearer, he yelled louder and louder.

Finally, Frank reached the top. All he had to do now was slam the ball into place, but Frank had other plans. He placed the ball to the side for a moment and moved his hands to the front of his shirt collar. With all of his strength, Frank yanked on his shirt in opposite directions, attempting to tear it straight down the middle. The producers looked around at one another, confused.

"COME ON BABY!! YOU BEAT ME ONCE YOU STUPID SHIRT BUT YOU WONT BEAT ME AGAIN!!!!"

Frank tore again, this time even harder. Nothing ripped.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE FRIGGIN THINGS MADE OF MAN!!!!!!!! WHATEVER!!"

Frank gave up and slammed the ball into place.

"AND IT'S OVER!" Luke Tipple screamed. A cannon of confetti shot downwards over Frank as sparks filled the air behind him. "Frank is the champion of Opposite Worlds!"

Victory music blared as Frank stood atop the tower, as happy as he's ever been. He looked into the night sky and thought of his family. He had done it all for them.

With one final roar, Frank screamed out into the night.

"BEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAST MOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

------------------------------

With one swift motion, Bernard cut across Frank's throat, causing him to slowly start to bleed out.

"it is ova the god damn town shoppa..." Frank said miserably.

Bernard sneered.

"Right, about that. It's abundantly clear to me that you've never shopped for a thing in your goddamn life."

Bernard then curiously looked over at the shopping bag placed next to Frank's seat. His eyes widened with sudden panic.

He walked over and apprehensively dumped all of its contents on the ground...








































































Out clanked several small glass bottles labeled "CYANIDE".

Bernard tensed up in anger, as he grabbed one of the bottles and ran back over to Frank.

"Let's see how YOU like it, big guy!" he said as he forced an entire bottle's contents down Frank's throat.

Frank immediately began to froth at the mouth, which ran down his chin and mixed with the blood leaking from his neck.

But suddenly, Frank began to laugh. His infectious laugh soon caught on with Alien Child.

"hehehehe LMFAO(: what's so funny shithead??" he asked.

"ahhh... you'll see... you'll... see..." he said as he continued to chuckle.

"beast...mode...neva dies..."

Frank's eyes closed for the final time.

SPOTLIGHT, PLEASE!

The Narrator looks at the urine stained corpse of Tori Hansen. He weeps for her.

BEEEP BEEEP! BEEP BEEEEP!

"T-Tori?! N-no! It can't be! Tori! No! She...she saved my life.."

The Narrator falls to the floor, heartbroken.

He gauges the crowds reaction and is greeted with an unfamiliar response. A yawn is heard by one. Another folds her arms and stares blankly ahead. An impatient foot taps to his left. The Narrator looks around, confused. How could this be...are they not amused?

The Narrator explains himself, but does not receive the response he hopes for.

Something deep inside The Narrator snaps.

He flees. He runs through the ground floor water and up the broken escalator. The big man, Frank, gives chase.

Upon reaching the second floor, The Narrator eats a Snickers bar and simply throws the wrapper on the floor instead of a garbage can! What a horrendous man! The two members of the janitorial staff furrow their brows and clean up after him. Ha!

The Narrator continues to run, now brandishing a black top hat, monocle, and a knife in hand. He passes a kitten and punts it down the escalator to ward off the incoming Frank. Reginald howls.

The fiery haired man is backed into a corner. The audience is approaching. The usual tomatoes are replaced by stones.

Frank throws a stone across the room, striking The Narrator in the side of the head. He yelps in pain!

More stones. Dwight, Quentin. La'Vodka. The Narrator's body aches.

They hover over him now. Shoving. Kicking. Spitting.

John, Erin, Paddy, Bunni.

Gabriel, Notthedon, Rob, Anatole.

More kicking. More screaming.

The Narrator's heart pounds. He's lifted back up. A group thrusts him forward and pounds his face into the wall. Revenge is had.

Blood runs down his face. He fears this may be the end.

The Narrator reflects:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for your cast!" a voice boomed out, as the cast of Into the Woods stepped forward and took a bow in unison. The crowd erupted with applause.

"...and last but certainly not least, your narrator, Russell Stansfield the Third!" the director called out once more.

The audience waited patiently for this mysterious man to step forward. It was the first time any of the audience members had experienced a Broadway show where the narrator never showed his face. That didn't seem to be changing. The man with the golden voice was nowhere to be seen.

The stage manager frantically looked around backstage for his missing narrator.

"Russell! Russell where are ya buddy! Ya gotta take your bow, the audience loved you!"

A voice boomed out from the shadows.

"Kevin, the stage manager, looked through the halls in an utter panic. Kevin seeked something he knew he'd never find: the omniscient narrator of this parable! Why did he bother his fruitless search? Deep down, it distinctly reminded Kevin of his love life."

"Russell, c'mon man, this isn't funny. You gotta get out there! This is your moment big fella!"

"Kevin persisted with his delusional farce. The pimple-faced little twerp just wouldn't quit! Suddenly, his face began to redden with anger, as he dove headlong into the shadows!" the voice boomed back.

Kevin had finally had enough, as he tackled Russell to the ground and stood over him.

"Is this what you want, Russell?! You know, the only reason I ever put up with your shit is because I felt sorry for you...but you know what, I've HAD it up to HERE!" Kevin yelled as he motioned towards his neck. He then spoke up once more.

"I'm not gonna sugarcoat it anymore Russ. I know you wanted to be an actor like your father and grandfather before you. But you were hit hard by the ugly bus, weren't you? So now you're resigned to this. Stay as a narrator, or be out of Broadway entirely. Your voice is all you have in your sorry life, I get that. But it doesn't mean you have to take it out on the rest of us."

"Kevin heelturned and walked away in a huff. Kevin looked positively adorable when he was angry, his lips curling in a grotesque fashion to show off his slightly yellowed teeth. Bored with this current state of affairs, the Narrator took his omniscient eyes elsewhere."

Russell walked outside of Broadway Theatre and into the cold night. There he saw a large group of TV reporters standing outside to cover the opening night of Into the Woods. Russell's eyes drifted to one reporter in particular.

"Outside the theatre where a most magnificent play had just taken place, a magnificent beauty held a microphone and prepared to go on air. The cameraman signaled that the cameras had begun rolling! Suddenly...what's this? Oh, no! The reporter's pants began to become utterly drenched in urine!"

Russell's eyes narrowed as he watched the reporter cover herself with embarrassment.

"Little did this blonde beauty know, she would have an important part to play in the events to come...a most important part indeed..."

Russell turned and winked at a nonexistent camera.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The crowd does not let up.

More join in. The Narrator's blood spills across the floor.

A smile comes across his face. "Father would be proud."

The Narrator takes a bow. He perishes.

Fade to black.

End scene.