Season 4, Episode 2: Hupu Meets Willis!
In Copenhagen, Ninefingers was holding the first war counsel in months. Since setting up camp outside the capital in the early days of the war with Bryce, very little had happened. They had been waiting for the enemy to come to them. Unfortunately for Ninefingers, recent developments had forced him to revise this plan. News had reached him that Bryce had crossed the border into Denmark, but rather than carrying on to Copenhagen, he had stopped to plunder the local towns. Ninefingers had fully expected the young Norwegian king to carry on straight into unfamiliar territory, but he had not. And Ninefingers could not stand idle whilst Bryce put his people to the sword.
"Bryce be causing all sorts of trouble," the Danish king said darkly. "We must march on him at once."
He was met with many protests, but he silenced them at once by holding up a weary hand.
"I know what you are all thinking...this is a trap. Bryce wants us to meet him in battle. And you are probably correct, but...we have no choice. So...who is with me?
Later that day, the full army set off.
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In Oxford, Jeffrey Fernandez was looking out of the window of his lonely tower. He could see a huge army gathered outside, much larger than any that had previously camped outside the town.
Jeffrey had been hidden away in his room for weeks. Ever since his terrible disease had started, he had been afraid to go outside. And most of his subjects were scared to go near him too. Jeffrey was suffering from Leprosy.
And now, to top it all off, a huge army was camped outside his walls. And he knew what they wanted.
"Every man has a breaking point!" he shouted. "And I have reached mine!"
He stormed out of his room. As he passed people they cowered out of his way. You would think he had the plague the way they went on. Jeffrey didn't let it get to him though. He stormed out onto the walls and faced the army camped on the outskirts. He saw some of his courtiers rushing out to stop him before thinking better of it. Maybe they wanted him to die out here.
"Hey!" Jeffrey started shouting to the enemy camp. "Hey, over here!" Several soldiers glanced up and spotted Jeff. They started laughing.
"You bastards want my chairs?" Jeffrey yelled. "Well come and get them!"
At that, Jeffrey began throwing wooden chairs over the barricades. They smashed to pieces on the ground below.
He started laughing. "Now nobody can have my chairs! You can all go home now!"
Eventually Jeffrey spotted two familiar faces emerging from the enemy camp. Curtis, the ginger mastermind, and Earl Robert...Robert was the source of all his woes. They were both smiling.
"Jeff, buddy!" Curtis said, holding his arms out innocently as he approached the grounds below the walls. "What is wrong?"
"I will tell you what is wrong," Jeffrey said. "I am tired of everybody walking all over me!"
"Who is walking all over you?" Curtis asked indignantly.
Jeffrey pointed at Curtis and Robert in turn. "You and him! And everyone else. I just want to live in peace!"
"What's wrong with your face?" Robert asked.
Jeffrey stopped in his tracks. Curtis stifled a laugh.
"Wh...what do you mean?"
"Well...I don't want to sound like a dick but...you look like my grandmother...and she is dead!"
Curtis grinned. "Looks like you invited one too many peasant girls into your bedchamber eh Jeff!"
Jeffrey flushed. He reached down and grabbed a longbow which happened to be sitting nearby. Robert's grin disappeared, but Curtis's remained.
"Come now Jeffrey, what are you going to do with that?"
Jeffrey drew an arrow and aimed.
"Maybe we should go," Robert murmured.
Curtis shook his head. "Jeffrey...put the bow down, you might hurt yourself!"
Jeffrey pulled back the arrow as hard as he could. Then he let it fly.
The arrow went straight through Curtis's head, causing him to draw his sword and start flaying it about manically, cutting Robert down fatally. Then Jeffrey's leprosy magically disappeared and he was never bothered again...
Oh wait.
No.
The arrow pathetically fell to the ground by Jeffrey's feet. Curtis and Robert began to howl with laughter...and Jeffrey still had leprosy.
"Oh boy," Curtis said, wiping a tear from his eye. "When I am king, you are so going to be my court joker Jeff! Great stuff!"
Jeffrey had never felt so low. He thought about grabbing another arrow and trying again, but he knew he would just embarrass himself further.
Curtis and Robert were turning away and walking back to their camp.
"See you soon Jeffrey!" Robert called back. "As soon as we take care of the King, we will be back!"
Jeffrey walked back to his tower and closed the door behind him.
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In Iceland, Ari was receiving news of his conquest of Northern Ireland. The messenger looked nervous.
"What news do you bring?" Ari asked excitedly. "Have my brave Norsemen finished conquering the northern shores of Ireland and started on the South?"
"Well...um," his messenger began.
"Out with it!" Ari said impatiently.
Ari's armies certainly hadn't finished conquering the North. Far from it, as his messenger explained. Malion had crushed them completely and was now laying siege to Tyronnell, the Norse foothold in Ireland.
"How can this be?" Ari boomed. "Our soldiers are unparalleled across Europe for their courage and valour!"
"Maybe...maybe we just don't have enough of them," the messenger said in a small voice.
Ari looked at him menacingly. But then a thought struck him.
"Not enough eh? Well...I can soon see to that! From this moment...all the lords of the realm...yes, all two of them, must now send forth all men above the age of 16 to my army."
Both of Ari's subjects exchanged uncomfortable glances, before nodding reluctantly.
And so Ari could now send the maximum amount of his countries finest peasants to fight Malion in Ireland. He didn't care how many Norsemen died. Ari believed the ends would justify the means.
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In Constantinople, DR and Hupu were attending a feast in Emperor Willis's lavish court.
Since arriving a couple of weeks ago they hadn't even caught a glimpse of the mysterious Byzantine emperor yet. But tonight they would supposedly meet him for the first time. DR didn't know what to expect. Willis had gone a long way to extend his hand in friendship, offering to help fight for DR's claim to her homeland of Norway, with no clear benefit for himself.
Word was going around Constantinople that the army was assembling for war. DR wanted to be with them. But here she was instead, at a great big feast.
When an hour passed and Willis still hadn't shown, DR decided to find out what was going on.
She approached the one and only guard to the feast hall. "When is Willis arriving?" She asked him.
He looked at her quizzically. "The emperor is busy tonight. I am afraid he cannot attend."
DR frowned. "We have been waiting to see him for weeks!"
"I am sorry," the guard said apologetically. "His grace has an empire to run."
"Yeah well...I have a kingdom to rule!" DR tried to push past the guard. He held her back firmly. Hupu glanced over. He got to his feet and started walking over. DR looked to him and then back at the guard. She had an idea.
"Do you see that man walking toward us right now?"
He had, and he looked slightly uncomfortable. "Good," DR thought. "He doesn't know Hupu is a harmless imbecile."
"You should probably let me past," DR continued. "I have seen him tear a man apart with his bear hands simply for looking at me funny. He comes from a barbaric culture. It is survival of the fittest in his country. And he is the king."
Hupu walked over and was about to open his mouth when DR put a finger on his lips. She moved in close and whispered to him.
"Don't say a word."
"Ok," Hupu replied.
DR glared at him, before turning back to face the guard, who now looked panic stricken.
"What did you just say to him?"
"I told him that you were saying hurtful things to me, and that he should hurt you."
The guard looked at Hupu innocently. "It isn't true! Not at all! I am just doing my job!"
Hupu stared at the guard. He didn't say anything.
The guard started to sweat. "Please...don't hurt me!"
"Let me past and maybe I will forgive you," DR said firmly. Hupu continued not saying anything.
The guard looked at Hupu. It seemed he was contemplating reaching for his sword, but he quickly thought better of it. He stood aside.
"Good," DR said, barging past with Hupu.
They moved into the halls of the court. It was a beautiful place, with golden ornaments dotting the walls, and dark purple banners draped everywhere.
Willis would be around here somewhere. Probably in the upper levels. She and Hupu headed for the stairs.
They eventually reached the top floor. It was dark, but there was a flicker of light behind one of the old oak doors. She could also hear a mans voice.
DR thought of knocking, but she was a queen. Emperor he may be, but Willis had shown her nothing but disrespect by refusing to meet her this long. She opened the door and strode in without a care in the world.
She was greeted with a strange sight. The room was dimly lit by a solitary torch hanging from the ceiling. There was parchment strewn chaotically all across the floor, torn pages from old books, toppled ink pots and pitchers etc. The room was a total mess. The walls were lined with book cases, and in the middle of the room there was a table, on top of which was a huge map of Europe. DR moved closer to inspect it. There were frantic scribbles all over it. DR could not make out the words.
"What are you doing here?" A raspy voice came from behind them.
DR jumped and turned around. A hooded figure was stood in the shadows by the door.
DR composed herself "We are looking for the emperor."
The hooded man did not respond for moment.
"Good work," he eventually said. "You...have found him."
Willis stepped out into the light. He glared at her and Hupu in turn. DR's confidence had evaporated.
"So nice...to finally...meet you," Willis said, with absolutely no hint of sincerity.
"The honor is mine, your grace," DR said as humbly as possible.
Willis turned to Hupu. "And you too...King Hupu...of Ethiopia."
Hupu stared at Willis. Willis raised his eyebrows.
"You...don't talk much...I gather?"
Hupu looked at DR uncertainly, before looking back to Willis.
DR glared at Hupu. "What is wrong with you?"
Hupu looked panic stricken. He started shaking his head.
"What...on earth is this?" Willis asked incredulously.
Hupu began to motion like a bird.
"Stop it!" DR said sharply.
Hupu pointed at his lips insistently. DR understood at once.
"Oh for gods sake, you can speak now!"
Hupu gasped. "!!!!!!!!!," he said.
Willis stared in disbelief. There was an awkward silence.
"Why...aren't you...down at the feast?" Willis asked sternly.
"I need answers," DR said.
"Answers?" he said, laughing. "Here I am...fighting your war for you...and you...want answers!"
"Well yes," DR said. "I don't understand what you stand to gain by helping me."
Willis sighed. "Friendship...I stand to gain...your friendship...does that...answer your question?"
DR frowned. "Well...no."
Willis glared. "I...do something for you...you do something...for me."
"Such as?" DR asked.
"That...I cannot divulge yet."
"And what if I don't want to do this return favour when the time comes?" DR asked.
Willis smiled darkly. "The gift...I give you...your kingdom...can be taken away...quite easily."
DR didn't like the sound of that. "In that case, call your army off. I will win my kingdom myself."
"No," Willis said.
DR raised a finger but stopped in her tracks. What could she say to that.
"However...feel free...to take your army to join the invasion...it would be better if...you were there...to inspire your people. Had you had a little patience...I would have told you all this...within the next few days."
And at that, Willis waved them out. DR was starting to regret accepting the Emperor's invitation.
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In England, Paulus and his army were marching past the town of Winchester. It was early afternoon, and a light rain had begun to fall. Kiwi and FF0 were by his side.
"Henry will soon regret turning on us," Kiwi said.
Paulus ignored him. There were more important things to worry about. Such as what Curtis was up to. The previous night, he had had a strange dream. A strange fish humanoid type creature had been running toward him waving his arms frantically, yelling "It's a trap!" Before he had time to inquire if the creature was from another world, he had woken up, sweating.
Paulus didn't believe in premonition, but he had to admit that the dream had quite unsettled him.
"Oh Henry!" Kiwi cried, interrupting Paulus' thoughts.
"OH HENRY!" FF0 cried louder.
They both looked to the king expectantly. Paulus looked back at them, puzzled.
"Ain't you playing, your grace?" FF0 asked.
"Playing what?" Paulus asked.
"Oh Henry!"
"OH YOU SAID IT AGAIN LOL," Kiwi said. "I will take the king's turn! Ready?"
"Yes," FF0 said.
"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH HEEEEEEENNNNN-"
A war horn boomed out, drowning Kiwi out. Paulus looked around expectantly as one of his scouts approached.
"Your grace! A huge army has been spotted on the road ahead."
"How many?" Paulus asked.
"Roughly 4000."
Paulus sighed. It was Curtis. And he was blocking the road to London.
"We are outnumbered," FF0 said. "Perhaps we should double back."
Kiwi scoffed at that suggestion. "No way! Let us put them to the sword. The odds aren't so stacked against us."
"Retreat is not an option," Paulus said. "Curtis knows that. London will fall to Henry if we don't press on."
"Victory is unlikely," FF0 said.
"We don't have to win" Paulus said. "We just have to break through the enemy lines."
"A kind of...offensive retreat?" Kiwi suggested.
"I guess you could call it that." Paulus nodded. "Let's get ready for battle.
A short while later, the battle of Winchester began.
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In Castille, Spain, MOS was sat brooding. Recently, the war had taken a turn for the worse. The combined forces of his kin had defeated his army, and MOS was facing up to the fact that he was losing. But surprisingly, Budd had done the honorable thing. He was offering a white peace, when at this point he could be demanding surrender. It seemed his brother was been swayed by family ties. That seemed awfully sentimental. But nevertheless, MOS started writing a response. When he was finished, he looked it over.
He glanced up. A representative of Emperor Willis's court was looking down at the letter approvingly. MOS had let the messenger have an audience with him after he kept on persisting.
"I see you are going to end this senseless fighting with your brothers," he said. "Willis will be pleased."
"Why does your emperor care what happens here in Spain?" MOS asked.
"There was a time long ago when the Emperor's of old cared what happened here. Why should that be any different today?"
"Are you referring to the Roman Emperor's?" MOS asked.
"Yes," the Greek replied.
MOS shook his head. "Someone should tell your emperor that Rome disappeared a long time ago.
The Greek man laughed. "Rome survives in Byzantium. It is the remnants of the Eastern Roman Empire."
"So what, Willis is going to rebuild the old empire? Is that his plan?"
"I guess you could say that."
"I think the kings and queens of Europe will have something to say about that."
"Anyone who opposes the new order will be replaced," The Greek said.
MOS shrugged. Then a thought struck him.
"Does that mean ill I be replaced?"
"You?" The Greek said. "Why MOS...I have told you already that Willis has big plans for you."
"Yes...but you have yet to tell me what those plans are," MOS muttered.
The Greek smiled. "Okay...how about this...how would you like to rule all of Spain someday?"
MOS drooled.
TBC
