Hello and welcome to the Best Thing's Hunger Games! In a strange turn of events, you can now add 36 contestants to the Hunger Games simulator so everyone has made it in! May the best thing survive!!

The Bloodbath






Lots of things grab weapons and run, leaving us with a pretty clean bloodbath. Hatch smashes The Rex VHS with its door for some bread. Yoda and Dog Targaryen fight for a bag but Yoda rolls Dog Targaryen back up for good. RIP!

Everyone else escapes!

Day One





Corndog goes in for the kill with Homer but restrains after seeing how broken down he already is. Surely nature will take its course with it before. Hatch smashes the crystal glass wedding gift for good, ruining the beautiful chain of thoughtless gift-giving. Painting sneaks up behind the Garfield pez dispenser and dispenses of her while the brain proves that head IS over heart by stabbing the metal figure in the heart repeatedly with a sais. Pocahontas, Racist Cooke Jar, & Statue Collection try to finish off the smaller objects but they prove that they're not to be messed with -- fighting them off and killing them instead.

Remembering the Fallen: Day One

Night One





Dead Skin Remover & Painting talk shit about the other tributes while the green tributes, Yoda & Goblin, fall in love. Has Yoda finally found a soft side after going on a murder spree? Bed Pan proves that it has what it takes to win -- taking out the trio of Glass Head, Gun, & Bowl with a single explosive. Race Car tries to do a simple task but fails, falling to its death before it sees any real action.

Day Two




Corndog looks in a mirror and begs for Painting to kill it after it sees itself, but Painting tells it that it has to live with it -- sparing them. Frog tries to kill fan favorite Unknown Dead Person but somehow dodging it in the afterlife -- Bunny gets shot and killed instead. Commie Cigs decide it's had enough and ends it with some toxic berries while Zimbabwe Trillion Dollar & Tiki get revenge for Crystal Glass and kill off Hatchy. Chicken Toy & Framed Hockey Card put up a fight but are no match for Whoopi Goldberg and a dinosaur, dying by its hand.

Night Two




As the tributes head to bed, we pan to Yoda & Goblin where Yoda is tending to Goblin's injuries from an archery accident yesterday. Their hands touch and they look at each other like they're going to kiss but look away instead. It cuts to the Craft Home going in for the kill on Pete but chickening out before they can finish the job while Clown & the Pokemon Binder talk shit in the bush. Brain continues their rampage on the other tributes, attacking a dead man in the middle of the night -- killing it. Bed Pan and Theo Rex VHS go to bed after their killing sprees while Painting starves to death at the edge of the arena.

Day Three




As Yoda Goblet goes to build a little shelter for it and Goblin -- Goblin runs into Brain on a mission to take out Yoda. Goblin begs for the brain to take it instead but the brain refuses, keeping them alive for now. Bed Pan tries to continue its spree but Black Book manages to escape, spraining an ankle on the way out. Frog tries to go after another big name in Tiki but fails to finish the job.

With half of the tributes dead, we take a look at who is left and who we have lost along the way.



Leading the pack in kills are Bed Pan (6) & Yoda (4), showing promise that they can take the whole thing home. Frog, Clown, & Brain are all up there in kills and show promise but only time will tell if they can upset the odds.

Night Three



Zimbabwe Dollar tries to take the pacifist approach and escape the games, the gamemakers end its life before it can make it out. Goblin finds Tiki and they sleep in Yoda's new shelter for the night while Yoda is out with the other front runners of the game, hunting other tributes. Tiny House finds Therapy Mask and they spend some time together before the House poison the inside of the Therapy Mask -- ending its run in the games. Clown continues to be the mean girl of the arena, finding a new partner to shit talk while Frog struggles to start a fire. It only knows how to play jams. :(

Day Four




The front runner alliance is short-lived as the Rex VHS chases down Brain to try to kill it. Dead Skin Remover begs for Yoda to end their life, knowing they have no chance -- Yoda refuses to watch it suffer. Bed Pan and Craft House show they are merciful but sparing Goblin & Clown, respectfully -- keeping everyone in tact for the day.

Night Four



An uneventful night.. But Yoda & Goblin haven't been together in a few days and Goblin seems to setting up a new tent elsewhere. The viewers start to wonder.. are they splitting up for good?

Day Five




A collection of tributes fall into their same old ways of surviving to get to the endgame but in the middle of the arena, we close in on Bed Pan, the Black Book, & Frog in a heated fight. Bed Pan once again proves that it is no one to be fucked with, easily surviving the affair and taking out Black Book & the guitared vigilante, Frog. Cutting back to Goblin's camp, we can see the statue weeping over its loss of Yoda -- their yearning for the goblet being so extreme that it dies of sadness, thirsting over its lover. The Lamp shows mercy to the Rex VHS, hopeful to help it turn over a new leaf.