"There's no time to waste!" said the witch. "One must be given this advantage. Make your choice!"

Igor and Nofo frantically dug through their coin pouches. Igor came up with 69 coins, Nofo with 43.

"If I melt enough coins down I can complete the potion. You need to get more!" the witch yelled out over the chaos. General Igor continued swinging away at Chieftain Booda and his villagers.

"Slide me some of those coins so I can kill this bitch, thanks." said Nofo to the ten critter spirits.

"I'd love your coins so I can kill old Igor." the nicer Igor said.

Nav stepped forward, confused. "No wonder I was first boot, just split mine." he said as he handed four coins to Igor and four coins to Nofo.

Igor threw the coins in his pouch and counted 74, Nofo stood at 47.

Zach pushed his way forward, intentionally shoving his shoulder into Rose as he did so. The two exchanged glances.

He tossed his 14 coins to Nofo and scurried away. Nofo counted 61 coins to Igor's 74.

Jamie contemplated for a few moments as he listened to the two bicker about kool-aid. "I'm satisfied thanks ladies." he said as he embraced Nofo one last time. He left him his 24 coins before vanishing, leaving Nofo with 85 to Igor's 74.

"why am i being compared to fruit?" asked a confused DS.

"Nofo took my owl." Merc squeaked. "So I got to give all my coins to comrade Igor."

"Hello" said Patrick as he handed some coins to Nofo and some to Igor. Suddenly, General Igor sliced through phantom Patrick's body, causing him to dissipate into the air. "of course.." he was heard muttering.

"I need to make sure you were both having optimal amounts of fun and frollic. I cannot, in good conscience, give my precious gold to someone who did not have both in good measure." Rose the raccoon said as clutched onto her get well soon balloon - her guts still hanging from her opened stomach.

"Me" said Nofo.

"Sold" said Rose as she handed over a hefty 33 coins.

General Igor saw the commotion and began heading straight towards the group. Chieftain Bocabooda jumped in his path to intervene.

"No!" the typically mute Chieftain said. "Must pass me."

Booda raised his wooden spear and prepared to fight, but the cries of Ellie taking a wound from a soldier distracted him momentarily. The distraction was long enough for the general, who slashed his battle axe horizontally and sliced the Chieftain across the belly. The group yelled out as Booda fell to the ground, clutching his stomach. General Igor gritted his teeth and marched towards the group with fire in his eyes.

By the time he made it to them, the spirits of the deceased had finished distributing coins to their champion...




















































































Igor: 241
Nofo: 164

"LETS FUCKIN GOOOOOOOO!" yelled Igor.

"wow ok fuck this" Nofo said as he flapped his wings, ready to leave.

"Are you seriously just gonna leave us." asked Curtis

"umm...yes?" replied Nofo as he took flight. He launched himself upwards and began to soar away. "peace bitches, thanks for nothing, have fun dying etc."

Nofo laughed to himself as he continued sailing away, but it was soon cut short.

General Igor's battleaxe twirled through the air at an alarming rate. Nofo was blindsided as the axe struck him in the back, causing his small body to explode into nothing but a poof of feathers. The group recoiled in shock as bloody feathers slowly drifted down all over them. Nofo was gone.

"Imagine Nofo playing himself so badly." KC said. He recalled the voice of his father in his head..

"If you ever need a hug I'm here for you."

With that, the lone wolf howled one last time before vanishing completely. Brian, Bryce, and DS soon followed. The nine spirits were gone, leaving only the alive and well Navneet standing awkward in his human form. He looked around uncomfortably before simply turning around and taking off on the four month walk back home.

The cloud of Nofo's feathers finally dissipated, revealing Igor back in human form. With the sun now its highest in the sky, Igor had used the distraction to quickly chug the potion. The Buck was no more, he was 2015 Igor once again.

"Lets fuckin battle" he said to General Igor as the two stared each other down.

Without his battleaxe, General Igor had no idea how to fight. Unfortunately for Igor, neither did he, as the two were scrawny bitches. They charged at one another and tussled on the muddy ground, smacking the shit out of each other.

"HOLY SHIT DUDE JUST DIE ALREADY" yelled one of them.

"LOL yea ok dude" replied the other.

The two continued to awkwardly wrestle around, throwing bony elbows and yanking at hair.

The witch finished melting down the coins and mixed it with some form of powder, creating a bubbling and steaming concoction in a small glass jar. She ran forth to hand it to Igor, but the soldiers seized her and the jar fell from her hand.

Chieftain Booda attempted to stand and collect the potion himself, but his wound was too severe. He fell to the ground in agony.

The remaining GLB sloths continued to fight Igor's soldiers and would take far too long to reach the potion.

Cumtis managed to wiggle his way to the jar but was completely useless. He didn't have the upper body strength to lift it, and that was before he was even turned into sperm.

But one hand did manage to clutch the glass jar and lift it from the ground. The figure brought the jar up to their face and inspected the contents inside...









































"oh men" said Jeffrey.

The potion that could kill General Igor once and for all now sat in the boogery hand of Jeffrey Fernandis.

"JEFFREY THANK GOD. USE IT TO KILL THIS MAGGOT" one of the Igor's yelled out as he shoved the other away from him. The two now stood side by side, covered head to toe in mud.

Jeff was confused. His master, General Igor, now looked just like regular Igor. The two were indistinguishable.

"holy shit dude no kill that one" Igor yelled.

"DUDE I would kill you in a fight if we kept going. not close to being close. kill him." another Igor said.

Jeff looked back and forth, sweating profusely at his impossible position. Then, Jeff's first ever idea popped into his head. He knew exactly how he would tell the shit Igor apart from 2015 Igor.

The group watched as Jeff reached for his cellphone. He squinted his eyes as he tapped away with two fingers, then turned the phone and presented it to the group. A video began to play..




















































The two Igors stood side by side and watched as Jeff held the dangerous potion in one hand and San Junipero in the other. Jeffrey watched both Igors carefully.

One looked like he began to twitch as he bit his tongue and clenched a fist.

In the video, a beautiful scene continued to play out, much to the delight of Curtis, the witch, Chieftain Booda, the less shitty Igor, and even General Igor's soldiers. Even sloth Spin slowly wiped away a tear.

But beneath the surface, one Igor reached his breaking point.


"THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH? That was so terrible. Like you know the premise for the whole time, it doesn't really matter how they do it. and in the fucking end they just end up together like....really? so fucking weak man. what is this a soap oprah? this is what happens when you let americans take control of shit"

"Me..like it." a weak Chieftain Booda uttered.

"HOW!?! ARE YOU TRIPPIN?"

"Jeffrey, old buddy, do the right thing!" Curtis screamed out

Jeffrey put his phone down, clutched the glass potion with two hands, and underhand hurled it straight towards General Igor.

The jar clashed against the side of his head, shattering it and sending glass shards raining down. Thick, boiling amounts of liquid seeped down his head and coated his body.

The other Igor jumped to the side and landed in the mud, shielding his eyes as the General writhed around.

"WOW HOLY SHIT YOU FUCKIN IDIOT" General Igor yelled. "THIS BURNS HOLY SHIT"

General Igor's skin began to bubble and blister as the liquid continued to boil him alive. His blisters popped and sent blood and pus streaming down his body.

"UR ALL DUMB. I'M RIGHT YOURE WRONG. AAAAAHHHHHHH. THIS ISNT THE END OF ME!! WE'LL BATTLE AGAIN..........."

His screams were soon silenced as his body caved completely inwards. All that was left of General Igor was a muddy pile of the conquerors clothing he had recently copped. Jeffrey defiantly threw the framed painting of the general onto the ground. General Igor was no more.




"You did it Jeffrey, you saved the day!"

Chieftain Bocabooda wearily stood to his feet and approached Jeffrey. "Ho." he said in his native tongue as a thank you.

"Ho men." Jeffrey replied blankly.

Igor approached the pile of General Igor's clothing. He lifted the battle axe in one hand and the golden medals in the other. He looked down at them in a trance. He saw himself pinning the medals onto his chest. He saw himself lifting up the battle axe and transitioning into General Igor, the shit version of himself. He saw a man who could hate San Junipero. A man who could hate everyone. A man who could hate...himself.

Then he threw the battle axe into the mud. He tossed the medals aside. He reached into his back pocket, lit a joint, and smoked up before approaching Jeffrey to thank him with a friendly hand reaching outwards.

"Bon Jovi's my homie dude. The name's Igor."





IGOR HAS WON THE GAME!