14. Alien - Annihilation (Alex Garland, 20018)
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watched this one with a friend where we were genuinely looking for something engaging and quality to connect with. Unfortunately, this film was a bad pick. From the very beginning, this thing has no idea what it wants to be. it tries to be spielberg, then it tries to be kubrick, then it tries to be tarkovsky, then it tries to be garland, and it somehow fails at all of the above abysmally. From plotpoints that get completely swept under the rug, weird inconsistent character implied knowledgebases, a script trying waaaaay too hard to be *deep* coming from a dude that genuinely doesnt understand what hes even going for, its just a mess. Nearly impossible to follow, boring as sin with horrendous expositiondrop dialouge throughout being parroted by the most bored nad disconnected looking talent ive seen in a while. its really clear that nobody on this film except gina rodriguez gave a fuck about what they were filming. Every single character has a problem, whether it be terrible writing (Josie (Tessa Thompson) and Cass (Tuva Novotny) are both acted well, but given fuck all script to work with beyond being charactatures of real people (Josie is the *smart* one and Cass is the *reliable* one) and thats about all we get.), terrible underutilization of good talent (Oscar Isaac gets to suffer in a bed and act depraved with terrible cinematography for a scene and a half and thats it, Jennifer Jason Leigh is playing, on paper, the most interesting character here, but Garland disallows her from ever showing any emotion, despite details we know about the character implying she should be much more emotive, and Benedict Wong straight up just power stances in a hazmat suit and asks 1 sentence questions to Portman for the entire runtime), or just simply a mixture of bad writing AND bad acting (Natalie Portman gives the worst performance of her life in this film, just totally lifeless and disconnected from what should be a very emotive time for her character, who is a military veteran who doesnt know how to hold a rifle, while Gina Rodriguez gets "the volatile" one treatment while doing a fucking horrendous job of it. her performance feels like middle school theater and not in a good way. its some of the most performative and least believable acting ive seen in years), its just hard to find anything in that regard worth praising. The cinematography, 95% of the time, looks like dogshit with the DP choosing to constantly film directly into light sources that shoot lens flares over all the intricate detail of the set designers. i know we're supposed to be in the *shimmer* but theres shots where you still get the light effect without sticking a lamp directly in the middle of frame making it impossible to even see fucking anything. aside from 1 specific sequence (NOT PICTURED) the cgi looks worse than 80s films ive seen with CGI. the movements are clunky, the design is undertextured and gross looking, just all bad. theres also a thousand plotholes like the cancer of JJL not even being part of the story until they need it for a mulligan, the fact that Gina's character witnessed the death of Cass yet still blames JJL and NP later on, like its insane to me that this even passed screen testing its so impossible to follow due to how disjointed and incomplete it is.
theres like, a sequence near the end that is truly gorgeous and more often than not the music is working well, but thats about all the priase i can give this thing. it pisses me off how bad this is because every negative aspect about this ive listed could have been better. Alex Garland has directed and written MUCH better before (Ex Machina, 28 Days), Natalie Portman and Gina Rodriguez can act better than this, its just really fucking dissapointingly bad. this is one i really wanted to like. Stalker but modern and women? sign me up! unfortunately it missed just about every mark and by the end i was more ready to turn it off than ive been in a while. dogshit film. |
bad. bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. 3/10
1. Home Invasion - Funny Games (Michael Haneke, 1997)
2. Fanaticism - Mother Joan of Angels (Jerzy Kawalerowicz, 1961)
3. Phobia & Isolation - 10 Cloverfield Lane (Dan Trachtenberg, 2016)
4. Madness & Paranoia - A Page of Madness (Teinosuke Kinugasa, 1926)
5. Werewolf - The Wolf Man (George Waggner, 1941)
6. Vampire - Vampyr (Carl Theodore Dreyer, 1932)
7. Undead - Braindead (Peter Jackson, 1992)
8. Animals & Nature - Take Shelter (Jeff Nichols, 2011)
9. Virus - It Follows (David Robert Mitchell, 2014)
10. Small Creatures - Shivers (David Cronenberg, 1975)
11. Classic - The Invisible Man (James Whale, 1933)
12. Giant Monsters - Godzilla (Ishiro Honda, 1954)
13. Neo-Monster - The Ascent (Neil Marshall, 2005)
14. Alien - Annihilation (Alex Garland, 2018)
15. Torture - The House That Screamed (Chicho Ibanez Serrador, 1969)
16. Splatter - Black Christmas (Bob Clark, 1974)
17. Cannibal - Manhunter (Michael Mann, 1986)
18. Extreme - I Saw The Devil (Kim Jee-woon, 2010)
19. Possession - Posession (Andrzej Zulawski, 1981)
20. Witches & Occult - Haxan (Benjamin Christensen, 1922)
21. Supernatural - The Boxer's Omen (Kuei Chih-Hung, 1983)
22. Haunted House - House (Nobuhiko Obayashi, 1975)
23. Devil / Demon / Hell - Faust (F.W. Murnau, 1926)
24. Ghosts & Spirits - Kuroneko (Kaneto Shindo, 1968)
25. Backwoods & Redneck - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Tobe Hooper, 1974)
26. Slasher - Halloween (John Carpenter, 1978)
27. Crime and Giallo - Cure (Kiyoshi Kurosawa, 1997)
28. Meta - The Cabin in the Woods (Drew Goddard, 2011)
29. Horror Romance - Beauty and the Beast (Juraj Herz, 1978)
30. Creepy Kid - The Brood (David Cronenberg, 1979)
31. Body Horror - Eyes Without a Face (Georges Franju, 1960)
32. Revenge - Onibaba (Kaneto Shindo, 1964)
33. Anthology - Kwaidan (Masaki Kobayashi, 1964)
34. French Extremism - Martyrs (Pascal Laugier, 2008)
35. Comedy Horror - What We Do in the Shadows (Taika Waititi, 2014)
36. Found Footage - Lake Mungo (Joel Anderson, 2008)
37. Gothic Horror - Nosferatu (F.W. Murnau, 1922)
38. SciFi Horror - Tetsuo: The Iron Man (Shinya Tsukamoto, 1989)
39. Technology - Crimes of the Future (David Cronenberg, 2022)
ps: Nosferatu review coming soon :)
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