In the beginning, there was Debbie.

Before her, there was nothing, and she was bored. So, with a powerful sneeze and a phlegm-filled cough, she molded the stars and the moon, and the sun was borne from her beauty alone. The stars were jealous, so some ran away to create the rest of the universe in isolation from the sun that was fortunate enough to come from Debbie.

As time went on, Debbie’s skin became leathered from the sun’s heat. Hundreds of years went by and bacteria began to grow in the crevices of her ancient skin. Being bacteria spawned from majesty, the cells quickly morphed into fully fledged creatures, animals, and plants, and they began to thrive. Debbie smiled at her creation.

Damn, she was good.

A few million years went by, and Debbie grew bored again. The velociraptors had lost their appeal, and the stegosauruses were only useful when picking food out of her teeth. So she screamed and lifeforms disintegrated. It took time, but eventually more creatures began to grow from her leathery skin cracks, and a new world was made with humans that shared a likeness to Debbie’s own image. This, she liked, and would not grow bored of.

Time passed and Debbie decided it was time to assimilate into the culture she had produced. She was the origin of species, but she wanted to live with them and experience the world as they did. It would be a difficult and arduous process, but Debbie, as always, had faith in herself and especially in her acting ability. T-rexes used to love her humor, why wouldn’t Deblings? Or humans, as they had come to call themselves. She still thought Debling rolled off the tongue smoother, but she digressed. Joining society proved harder than she had thought. Everyone could tell instantly how much prettier and smarter and better Debbie was than the others.
It didn’t take long for her to find people to call her own, though. She had joined the other Deblings during the time of Napolean, because she really loved those turned up hats, but she could only stand so many funny hats, powdered wigs and crumpets. Deciding to swim across the Mediterranean sea, she quickly found herself in a barren region, mostly sand, lizards, and those little twirly tornado thingies.
Debbie thought to herself, “I remember eons ago leaving some of my baubles around here. Humans seem to love them! I should go find them.”
Since she didn’t want to actually have to extend any effort (such as searching, walking, carrying, etc.) she made up her mind to get some human to do it for her.
But how to do so?
A legend! Humans love legends! She’d just start spreading around that there was a fortune of untold worth out in the middle of the desert, but a hidden lake, an OASIS!
Humans are so gullible, much worse than the dinosaurs, that they’d line up for the privilege of taking the only person that knew where it was.
“Let’s go find the gold treasure of Ifbith!” she exclaimed.
And it wasn’t very longer that Debbie has eight fools … oh, I mean adventurous souls to escort her on her trek.



There was Ibrehem, the proud warrior who banded them together. Quiet, firm, virile, a courageous man. Not bad on the eyes, either.

Next was Robert. He was a wise old scholar. While physically frail, he knew each and every legend Debbie had ever invented by heart, so he amused both her and the rest of the group.

Joanna, the strong, courageous and independent woman from the ATL. Her greatest achievement was when she became a born-again Christian ... which made her a better person. She worshiped mother Africa, drank blood, the usual for one of those. She claimed to feel something divine about Debbie. She was Debbie's favorite.

Sandra, the no nonsense hot tamale, had gotten the group out of many predicaments. When thieves and bandits set upon the group, most went running with a single death glare, the ones stupid enough to stay faced her unstoppable wrath

Bob Dawg was the groups excavator. He had no problem digging for the treasure, a long and strenuous task that nobody else wanted to do. He had also proven himself to be a mighty fighter, fending off many a foe in the skirmishes alongside Sandra.

Aubry, the wiz kid who knew her way around technology. Her extensive knowledge had put her into the role of tribe medic, taking care of each and every injury that befell the brave adventurers, no matter how big or small.

Chris, a very accomplished musician, who had participated in American Idol but was eliminated too soon. Fortunately, he had the last laugh, as his debut album sold over 1 Million copies after just five weeks. ... what? .... what do you mean different Chris? D-A-U-G-H-E-R-T-Y ? Oh, forget it.


And finally, Coach, who had led the group before Debbie came along. As mighty and powerful as he was, he knew that even the Dragonslayer was no match for Debbie herself


We reached the mouth of the cavern that the vile Chikorita called home. It didn't look like much, just a crack in the cliffside, but I knew... oh I knew what those little trolls had inside.

The tribe looked unconvinced, however.

"This is the great hiding place of the grandest treasure the world has ever known? A hole??" Sandra barked.

I just smiled.

We each entered the cave. The mortals struggled to get in, not being cleverly compact as I was. We descended further and further. The tribe bickered and complained and whispered amongst themselves. Aubry called it a deathtrap. Robert had to be held by the arm a few times to get down the tall stone steps. I just marched along and paid them no mind.

It wasn't long until we found them... the Chikorita. I never make mistakes, but if I did, they would be the one. Disgusting creatures for the most part, gray little things with fangs... with one exception. I looked around. No sign of the treasure. We would have to deal with these things, first.

"CHARGE!!!" Coach screamed. Of course. The second he laid eyes on the Chikorita, he needed to fight. So much for stealth!

The Ifbith ran in, spears and axes blazing, and the Chikorita fought back just as quickly. I watched them as they struggled. One fell from one tribe, then one from another. When it started to look like my people might lose, I knew I had to step in.

My whistle filled the air and echoed off the cavern walls. Everyone stopped to look at me, as they should. Then, I pulled out one of the trinkets I had invented. I called it a Flippy-brighty, but in five thousand years when one of the mortals created one themselves, they would call it a lighter.

The Chikorita were overwhelmed, and soon they were tripping over themselves to leave the cave. When the eight of them were gone, the fallen members of my tribe picked themselves up, brushed themselves off, and stared at my light.

I had won. I always do.

With the trolls cleared, the mortals picked through their things. They seemed to like the gold and jewels, but that wasn't what I was here for.

No, I saw the door that would lead me to my new prized possession. I walked over, and proudly opened it.

I smiled. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever created.


"No! No!!! NO NO NO NOT YOU AGAIN!!!" screamed the voice inside.

He tried to run, but I stopped him. I placed a ring on his finger, and then another on mine. He tried to leave, but, of course, he couldn't. He was bound by the power of holy matrimony.

"Everyone! Meet my new husband, Nick!"

I had found my treasure.

..And the Ifbith found some stuff too, I suppose.




Yul Kwon stood at the center of two groups, donning a blue button-up shirt, a baseball cap, and a grin. He turned to each group, asking them what they had called themselves.

The two newly formed tribes whispered amongst themselves, some quieter than others. A few names were passed around on each. This went on for quite some time. Yul then asked for their answers.

"Chikorita! We're Chikorita!!" screeched a young member of the silver tribe. The others there shrugged and offered no opposition.

"Nebu?" Aubry suggested, "It means gold in Egyptian." There were a few nods.

"Debu? Alright! Debu vs Chikorita!" Yul exclaimed.

Chris spoke up to correct him. "Actually... no, we're--"

"Ifbith."

Everyone turned to stare at the previously quiet old model as she walked forward. The gold crowd questioned her a bit.

"Ifbith," she repeated, "it's Oasian for Gold." She smiled, knowingly, a sparkle in her eye. She'd been here before, and she knew that once again, the name Ifbith would mean great, great things. Each member of the new Ifbith carrying the virtues and legacy of the old. Their golden fires would once again defeat the trolls known as Chikorita.

Yul squinted for a minute. He didn't understand, nor did anyone else. But Debbie just smiled at him, and he sighed. "Fine... you can be Ifbith."

The golden Ifbith tribe nodded and prepared themselves for battle.

"Survivors ready? Go!"