well, i think i was getting fairly close to having things figured out, to getting my game back on track after the jenn fiasco, to getting the pieces all put together where they belong... and then this happened:


Kim has super Powers (6:51:03 PM): whoooo we got Penner out
sierra (6:51:12 PM): can you believe that?!!!!
Kim has super Powers (6:51:20 PM): sooooo happy
sierra (6:51:23 PM): they are picking tribes atm
Kim has super Powers (6:51:27 PM): yeah Jay told me
sierra (6:51:35 PM): but i just got back from dinner so i'm not exactly sure what is going on yet
sierra (6:51:37 PM): oh okay
Kim has super Powers (6:51:37 PM): i am scared I will get messed up by the swap
sierra (6:51:48 PM): try and get him to put erinn and me with you
Kim has super Powers (6:51:57 PM): I cant ask him to put me and Erinn together
sierra (6:52:01 PM): oh ya
sierra (6:52:02 PM): duh
Kim has super Powers (6:52:03 PM): someones been telling people me and her are tight
Kim has super Powers (6:52:10 PM): and its pissing me off
Kim has super Powers (6:52:16 PM): so if shes on diffrent team thats better
sierra (6:52:19 PM): oh okay
sierra (6:52:23 PM): that makes sense
Kim has super Powers (6:53:48 PM): Jay
Charlie
Kim
Sierra
Katie
Becky
Aras
sierra (6:53:49 PM): i will ask david what the tribes are
Kim has super Powers (6:53:51 PM): thats our team
sierra (6:53:52 PM): oh...
sierra (6:53:54 PM): or i wont :-P
Kim has super Powers (6:53:57 PM): lol
sierra (6:54:11 PM): hmmm
Kim has super Powers (6:54:12 PM): sooooo as long as Katie stays loyal we should be okay
Kim has super Powers (6:54:17 PM): we can get Charlie out i think
sierra (6:54:18 PM): ya?
sierra (6:54:21 PM): omg really?!
Kim has super Powers (6:54:31 PM): well obv Jay Becky Charlie will be together
Kim has super Powers (6:54:35 PM): so as long as nobody is dumb
Kim has super Powers (6:54:37 PM): it will be okay
sierra (6:54:43 PM): okay awesome
sierra (6:55:03 PM): jay talked to me some today before his challenge thing
sierra (6:55:11 PM): if u want i can try and get closer with him?
sierra (6:55:21 PM): it was the first time we ever talked but i can try :-\
Kim has super Powers (6:55:41 PM): I am talkin to him too but it wont hurt to try
Kim has super Powers (6:55:50 PM): just be careful cause OBV Jenn and Dave will try to pull stuff
Kim has super Powers (6:55:59 PM): they have been tryin to talk to ppl
Kim has super Powers (6:56:12 PM): so they will try an force you to turn on our group for sure
sierra (6:56:17 PM): oh ya
sierra (6:56:25 PM): well they've been asking me to vote out katie for ages
sierra (6:56:30 PM): i cant see them stopping now
Kim has super Powers (6:56:35 PM): yah
sierra (6:56:46 PM): but if dave wont vote out jenn for me, and she has literally told us both in a group chat that i am her number 1 target
sierra (6:56:55 PM): then i dont see why i should be doing anything for dave :-P
Kim has super Powers (6:57:48 PM): yah
sierra (6:57:51 PM): anyway i'll let you know what happens
Kim has super Powers (6:57:54 PM): plus Charlie is like a challenge BEAST
sierra (6:58:03 PM): pretty sure he'll just push fo rkatie
Kim has super Powers (6:58:03 PM): so if he gets to merge we will never get him out
sierra (6:58:11 PM): ya
sierra (6:58:15 PM): i'd love to vote charlie first
sierra (6:58:29 PM): you are like a saint!!! :-)
Kim has super Powers (6:58:31 PM): we will hafta get with Aras and make sure hes comftorable too
sierra (6:58:39 PM): ya, we will
sierra (7:00:38 PM): i have to brb real quick if u dont mind
Kim has super Powers (7:01:02 PM): yeah no prob!
sierra (7:17:11 PM): okay back
sierra (7:22:50 PM): well i am kind of back, i will be in and out, off and on :-P
Kim has super Powers (7:23:05 PM): kk
Kim has super Powers (7:23:05 PM): lol
sierra (7:23:17 PM): so who is saying u and erinn are tight?
sierra (7:23:28 PM): jenn/dave?
Kim has super Powers (7:23:30 PM): you, from what I hear.
sierra (7:23:32 PM): they have asked me
Kim has super Powers (7:23:42 PM): and apparently all of Jenn and Daves people think that too
sierra (7:24:03 PM): oh, well, all i said was you guys are from the same tribe, so it's quite possible
sierra (7:24:47 PM): sorry if that was too much or anything
Kim has super Powers (7:25:06 PM): well i just dont wanna get targeted over somethin thats not true
sierra (7:25:21 PM): yeah, well, that makes sense
sierra (7:25:31 PM): i dont think they would target you over me though
sierra (7:25:38 PM): if they are getting orders from jenn
sierra (7:25:43 PM): i garantee they'll go after me first
Kim has super Powers (7:26:03 PM): well idk if they think I am biggest threat cause of Erinn
Kim has super Powers (7:26:12 PM): they are gonna want to get me while I am risked
sierra (7:26:29 PM): i suppose they might
sierra (7:27:03 PM): i dont know, i feel like she wants me out the most
sierra (7:27:06 PM): she's told me it straight out
sierra (7:27:13 PM): and now i keep winning immunities
sierra (7:27:28 PM): my target is getting pretty big :-P
sierra (7:28:25 PM): will erinn be okay on the other tribe?
Kim has super Powers (7:29:51 PM): idk
Kim has super Powers (7:29:54 PM): I think so
sierra (7:31:33 PM): hopefully
sierra (7:32:26 PM): well, sorry for the rumour abt you two, if it's my fault i feel really bad
sierra (7:32:55 PM): if it helps, i haven't talked to anyone on that side other than dave and jenn
sierra (7:33:14 PM): and since she blew up at me i dont share anything with them
sierra (7:33:48 PM): i still talked with dave but now that i dont have to worry abt swapping onto his tribe i dont have to even talk with him anymore either
sierra (7:33:52 PM): so hopefully that helps
Kim has super Powers (7:34:02 PM): yeah
sierra (7:35:49 PM): hope you dont hate me!
Kim has super Powers (7:36:00 PM): no I just am gettin kinda frustrated
Kim has super Powers (7:36:04 PM): because you keep giving clues to them
Kim has super Powers (7:36:09 PM): and tellin them stuff about us
Kim has super Powers (7:36:33 PM): and its like, you keep tellin me I can trust you but it is hard when I keep findin out that you are doing all these things
Kim has super Powers (7:36:53 PM): so I trust you but I guess I just dont understand why you are doing that stuff
sierra (7:37:08 PM): well i was giving dave clues before i left the tribe with him
sierra (7:37:16 PM): so i couldn't just entirely stop
Kim has super Powers (7:37:18 PM): but why?
Kim has super Powers (7:37:22 PM): you didnt need to give him clues.
sierra (7:37:24 PM): and i was asked if you too were tight
sierra (7:37:39 PM): so i said you were from the same tribe, etc, so ya ur probly closer to eachother than you would be to me
sierra (7:37:50 PM): but that's just their opinion already
sierra (7:37:57 PM): it's not like that was giving them new information :-P
sierra (7:38:28 PM): jenn is already coming after me
sierra (7:38:36 PM): if i cut ties completely with dave before this swap thing
sierra (7:38:48 PM): then jenn would have the solid numbers to take me out if the swap went bad
sierra (7:39:04 PM): so i actually did need to keep in his good graces to some degree
sierra (7:39:14 PM): but i
sierra (7:39:29 PM): 'd be stupid to tell them anything important enough to use against me
sierra (7:39:36 PM): since i know everything i say will get to jenn
sierra (7:39:42 PM): and therefore be used against me
sierra (7:40:33 PM): and also abt the clues
sierra (7:40:48 PM): i made sure you, me, and erinn had exhausted all the possibilities before i shared
sierra (7:40:57 PM): i found the idol, it was gone, so i shared that one
Kim has super Powers (7:40:58 PM): but we didnt.
Kim has super Powers (7:41:05 PM): thats why we dont have the idol
sierra (7:41:09 PM): unfortunately i'd shared enough before, from my tribe with them, that they got it before me :-(
sierra (7:42:45 PM): in fact i even shared this:
sierra (7:42:52 PM): "7 letters or more, pre-merge"
sierra (7:42:57 PM): so even when i did share it it was wrong
sierra (7:43:05 PM): the real clue is MORE than 7 letters
sierra (7:43:08 PM): pre-jury
Kim has super Powers (7:43:31 PM): Thats only one number different.
Kim has super Powers (7:43:36 PM): If youd told them seven letter or less
Kim has super Powers (7:43:39 PM): theyd have never got it.
sierra (7:43:51 PM): who is to say they even got it from mine?
sierra (7:44:35 PM): but really the list of people with 7 letters or more was drastically more than other list
Kim has super Powers (7:45:05 PM): but premerge is less people than prejury.
sierra (7:45:50 PM): ya it was the other way around,
sierra (7:46:09 PM): i looked at the list of possibilities and gave them something of very little help, is the point
sierra (7:46:37 PM): believe me i hate myself for ever being jenn's ally
sierra (7:46:48 PM): it was the worst decision ever on my part
Kim has super Powers (7:49:49 PM): i dunno I just think it wouldve been more helpful to give them wrong clues instead of giving them fake ones
Kim has super Powers (7:50:03 PM): because to me that seems like you still wanted to help them
sierra (7:51:08 PM): why would i want to help jenn?
sierra (7:51:11 PM): honestly?
sierra (7:51:25 PM): have you heard the shit she has said to me?
Kim has super Powers (7:51:28 PM): idk, you were with her earlier
Kim has super Powers (7:51:32 PM): maybe you wanted to help her before
Kim has super Powers (7:51:36 PM): and then you changed your mind
sierra (7:51:58 PM): i did want to help her when we were in an alliance, when we ere in the same tribe, before she turned into a total bitch
Kim has super Powers (7:52:25 PM): yes but my point is that it seems to me like you were more intrested in that alliance than you were in your alliance with me
sierra (7:53:13 PM): oh sorry i was missing your point
sierra (7:53:24 PM): the alliance with her was more important to me for awhile
sierra (7:53:33 PM): but in fairness, it was my life on the line
sierra (7:53:51 PM): it had to be because she was in immediate control of whether i'd survive or not
sierra (7:54:18 PM): and you and i weren't talking near as much
sierra (7:54:29 PM): so yeah i guess for awhile she was the most important to me
sierra (7:54:37 PM): and that's a shuge regret
sierra (7:56:01 PM): so, sorry for that
sierra (7:56:12 PM): not much i can do about it now, it wont happen i nthe future
Kim has super Powers (7:56:36 PM): promise?
Kim has super Powers (7:56:49 PM): cause I have been loyal to you this WHOLE time and lookin out for whats best for us
Kim has super Powers (7:56:55 PM): and I do not wanna get screwed for trustin you
sierra (7:57:07 PM): i promise
sierra (7:57:20 PM): i'll take more care in not sharing helpful clues as well
sierra (7:57:34 PM): well like i said i dont need them anymore at all
sierra (7:57:40 PM): so i dont even need to share anything
sierra (7:57:57 PM): i am fairly certain we're together till merge and by then we'll have good numbers
sierra (7:58:02 PM): so... who cares, in my opinion
Kim has super Powers (7:59:24 PM): alright
sierra (7:59:29 PM): i do have to ask tho
sierra (7:59:38 PM): have i told you abt what jenn has said to me?
Kim has super Powers (7:59:43 PM): not much no
sierra (7:59:48 PM): oh
sierra (8:00:14 PM): well, she told me straight out she is voting me out because she doesn't want to have to speak to me
sierra (8:00:17 PM): i am a psychopath
sierra (8:00:28 PM): she was never with me cause she always knew i am crazy
sierra (8:00:38 PM): etc
sierra (8:00:48 PM): and i have asked dave if he'd vote her out
sierra (8:00:57 PM): and he just always says he needs katie out and then maybe he'd think abt it
sierra (8:01:06 PM): and so really, honestly, i have nothing over there
sierra (8:01:28 PM): all of my game is with you, for the rest of the game, i promise :-)
Kim has super Powers (8:01:34 PM): alright
Kim has super Powers (8:01:39 PM): Like I said I trust you
sierra (8:05:54 PM): thank you
sierra (8:06:02 PM): i really dont want to alienate you
sierra (8:06:20 PM): you are the most important person to me so that would ruin the game for me
sierra (8:06:43 PM): did aras just ask you for a foursome?
Kim has super Powers (8:06:48 PM): nope
Kim has super Powers (8:07:03 PM): I didnt even know he was online
sierra (8:07:15 PM): oh okay
sierra (8:07:33 PM): he asked me if we could do an alliance here
sierra (8:07:37 PM): like who we would have to be safe
sierra (8:07:50 PM): i asked him if he'd be cool with you, me, katie, and him
sierra (8:08:07 PM): he said "foursome done" so it sounded like he had asked you or something :-P
sierra (8:08:21 PM): is that okay? i didn't really know what to say, he kinda caught me off gaurd
Kim has super Powers (8:08:27 PM): yeah sure
sierra (8:08:30 PM): cool :-)
sierra (8:09:48 PM): thanks for telling me abt your concern
sierra (8:10:04 PM): and like... talking through it with me
sierra (8:10:15 PM): a lot of people would just blow up instead :-\
sierra (8:12:27 PM): anyway, i have to go till after BB
Kim has super Powers (8:12:37 PM): kk
Kim has super Powers (8:12:39 PM): have fun!
sierra (8:12:42 PM): you too
sierra (8:12:56 PM): oh!
sierra (8:12:57 PM): wait
sierra (8:13:01 PM): before i go
sierra (8:13:14 PM): A Tale of Two Cities (Sean R)
And Then There Were Four (Butch and Rob C)
Pankicked, Desperate, Thirsty as Hell (Rudy)
The Sole Surviving All-Star (Rupert)
Dangerous Creatures and Horrible Setbacks (Jeff W)
The Best and Worst Reward Ever (Willard)
The Great White Shark Hunter (Ibrehem)
I Will Not Give Up (Coby)
The Power of the Idol (Austin)
I've Got Strength Now to Carry the Flag (Anthony)
A Smile, Velvet Gloves and a Dagger in My Pocket (Alex)
You've Got That Puzzled Look (Boo and Yau-Man)
You Guys Are Dumber Than You Look (Fairplay)
I Should be Carried on the Chariot-Type Thing! (Yau-Man)
That's Baked, Barbequed and Fried (Mikey)
He's a Ball of Goo (Joel)
It Hit Everyone Pretty Hard (Chet)
I'm Ruthless... and Have a Smile on My Face (Jason)
If It Smells Like a Rat, Give it Cheese (Erik R)
Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This (Jerry)
You're Going to Want That Tooth (Spencer)
The Biggest Fraud in the Game (Brendon)
It's Funny When People Cry (Tyson)
That Girl is Like a Virus (Randy)
Knights of the Round Table (Tom W)
I'm Not a Good Villain (Rob M)
This Game Respects Big Moves (Matt E 2.0)
Too Close For Comfort (Grant)
One World is Out the Window (Matt Q)
The Beauty in a Merge (Jonas)
Go Out With a Bang (Jay)
Cut Off the Head of the Snake (Michael S)
Zipping Over the Cuckoo's Nest (Phillip)
Come Over to the Dark Side (Malcolm)
The Beginning of the End (Reynold)
sierra (8:13:23 PM): idol number 2 is one of those possibilities
sierra (8:13:39 PM): episode title, more than 5 words, a male leaves, from an even season
Kim has super Powers (8:13:45 PM): kk
Kim has super Powers (8:13:48 PM): <3
sierra (8:13:52 PM): treemail will be up soon so good luck!
sierra (8:13:54 PM): ttyl :-)
Kim has super Powers (8:13:56 PM): thanks!






so that's just beautiful.

and dave just keeps asking for info, keeps sharing "info" (garbage info in my opinion), and keeps drilling away at the idea that we're on the same side. what the hell am i to do? shut him down completely?

i know it's him, or david, but they're pretty well the same person, that is causing this trouble for me. i haven't spoken with jenn in ages now, minus a chat i had with her and dave together in which she said she intends to vote me out.so it must be him, but i feel like i am stuck.

i WANT to just be with kim and erinn, and drop the rest of this stupid charade but i don't know that i really can.



you know, it was dave's side that kept me away from jenn this round. i had asked david to keep us seperated, and he was making 0 attempt to do so. hell, we were talking during the tribe selection and he never even said anything to me about it. no doubt he picked dave first and then the rest didn't matter one bit.

so maybe i should give jay and the rest of them a break, maybe i should give them the benefit of the doubt. he was keeping me filled on what was going on, he even jumped when i asked him to keep me off of katie's tribe and his NEXT selection was to send her over to david. that is more than david intended to do for me, by far.

so i don't know. motherfucking david doesn't even seem interested in talking anymore. tried to talk to him abt the idol clues last night because dave went and shared mine with him, trying to make himself the hero off of my fucking hard work, and all i got was "i haven't done it yet" and then radio silence.

i'll radio silence you.

or, better yet, i'll radio propaganda you and see how wide your broadcast is. make some bullshit story and see how many people it reaches.




my fucking game is falling apart.

and i need someone to smite me but i can't ask the players because then everyone will know that i asked to be smited and even if i do get smited it will just look stupid. i'm not the most liked person here and i'd really like the appearance that i am to go away. and i can't really hope to start getting smited naturally because then that means i am disliked enough to be smited naturally.

my mind is overactive.




i can only hope people are laughing at me behind my back. and not because they think i think i'm in control when i'm about to leave, as we all laughed at zuckerman last night, but because they think i am pathetic.



i feel pathetic. i need people to know just how badly my fucking game is falling apart.