In the distant future...
Captain Flynn shuffled uncomfortably in his chair, not from the tension, but because he had an itch that couldn’t be scratched. Not with his crew looking to him for answers as they approached the unidentified ship. Not without meeting a disapproving glance from his first officer, Seren.
“Sir, we’re approaching the Babllin vessel now” Seren said on cue, and Flynn pushed aside the itch driving him mad for the time being.
“Lock onto their thrusters and prepare for shift lock with minor turbulence” Flynn said. Seren eyed him curiously. He should have had that itch.
“Shift lock Captain?” Seren said. “I’d advise not giving the enemy reason to prepare for action”
“Yet you label them the enemy” Flynn. “If they think the same of us the action is already in preparation”
“That may be true, yet I would strongly advise against any maneuver to hinder their transportation abilities. We do not want them on the offensive before negotiations have even begun” Seren said.
“Officer Seren I will always value the insights an Alvaren such as yourself brings to the crew but I ask you to trust my human instinct now, the instinct to prepare for an unfavorable outcome” Flynn said, “My gut hasn’t failed me yet”
“Save for the infection three weeks ago” a voice called, and Flynn and Seren looked to Chief Medical Officer Rinley who had just entered. “You really need to change that diet of yours Captain”
“I don’t recall requesting a medical officer” Flynn said, annoyed.
“As you said Captain, prepare for the worst” Rinley said. He smirked and Seren nodded in approval as Flynn rolled his eyes.
“Engage the shift lock” Flynn said.
“As you wish Captain” Seren said, “I will note in my personal log that I disagreed with the decision”
“Do what you want with your Diary Seren” Flynn said, “Engage”
“Shift lock engaged, prepare for turbulence” Seren said.
The crew clutched their seats as a beam of energy invisible to the naked eye shot out and spread to the Babllin ship. The shift lock beams would force the vessel to maintain its current position for a short period of time. Long enough to establish communication. Any combative positioning would have to wait. Long enough for them to calculate every possible responsive combat position the vessel could take.
“Can we establish communication?” Flynn said.
“Patching through now, we should have visual incoming” A crew member said.
“Excellent” Flynn said, and as he saw the eyes awaiting an image of the Babllin’s, he had that itch. Just as the screen presented the Babllin Captain to them. He quickly assumed a stoic stance and cleared his throat, hoping he hadn’t been exposed. “Attention Bablln vessel, I am Captain Flynn of the Endurace, we are are an exploratory branch of the Federation seeking out new civilizations to open communications with, it is our hope-”
“New civilizations to conquer. To force to live by Federation law” The Bablln Captain said, “I am Captain Jaka, we are the Bablln. We will not submit”
“I think there’s a misunderstanding. We merely wish to have dialog with you.” Flynn said
“By force. You lock our thrusters, you ready your weapons, you scratch yourself like a dog before me, with no respect” Jaka said.
Seren and the others looked at Flynn. He put a hand out.
“Now wait just a minute, I never, I did not scratch myself anywhere” Flynn said, “Captain Jaka, Bablln are known among the Federation races as warriors who are quick to engage in violent acts. We merely wanted to give you time to consider an alternative to the way these encounters unfortunately go. We believe there can be peace through discourse”
Jaka considered for a moment. Finally he spoke.
“Disable your shift lock, or there will be no alternative” Jaka said.
“You don’t seriously expect us to believe you’ll engage with no defensive positioning” Flynn said.
“Goodbye Captain Flynn” Jaka said, cutting off the communication.
“Get them back on, get them back on now!” Flynn said.
“We are unable to reach-” Seren was interrupted by the unsettling rumble of a photon torpedo smashing against their hull.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Flynn said.
“This is suicide” Seren said, “Most interesting the Bablln would rush head on into certain destruction with no defensive position”
“It’s our suicide if we can’t disable them before the lock ends” Flynn said, “How much time do we have?”
The ship rocked again.
“Less than would be preferable” Seren said, “We are in an curious position as well, as we cannot move our position without disrupting the shift lock. Our movement will enable theirs”
“Well that’s not good” Rinley said.
“Engage the warp drive” Flynn said, “We can hold them off long enough head on to warp out of here but if that lock is disengaged with the damage we’re sustaining already I’m not so sure we can outgun them”
“Fight to prepare for flight” Seren said, “Most interesting”
“Save it for your log and fire everything!” Flynn said.
“Firing everything is quite unnecessary” Seren said, “A steady burst of energon beams should fulfill the parameters needed-”
“Do it!” Flynn said.
“Firing” Seren said.
The space between the ships was filled with a dazzling light show. The Bablln ship seemed unphased as the Endurance began to show signs of struggling.
“We’re taking more damage than anticipated” Seren said, “I am unsure as to whether we will be able to achieve warp at this rate of impact”
“We’re going to have to figure it out quickly, perhaps now we can fire everything?” Flynn said.
Seren nodded.
“Prepare T-”
The ship rocked again and hazard lights began to blink.
“What’s happening?” Flynn said.
“Something has blocked out the shift field, we’re no longer locked on!” A crew member yelled.
“My God..” Rinley said.
The ships began being bombarded by Bablln fire. Everyone braced themselves as the Bablln ship began to maneuver into combat position.
“What’s the status on that warp?” Flynn asked.
“We’re still a good two minutes out from safely warping” A voice said.
“Damn it, this was not a good idea” Flynn said.
“Acknowledged” Seren said.
“Not helping” Flynn said, “Hold on, what’s that?”
The shots from both vessels were being manipulated strangely, such that neither vessel was being struck. It was as if the blasts were being vaporized by an invisible forcefield.
“Track the trajectory of the photons, don’t stop firing” Flynn said.
“This is most odd, note the energy particles are converging on the same course, toward a central point” Seren said.
“What’s the significance of that, to a medical officer?” Rinley asked.
“If these calculations are correct, an immense gravitational pull is behind this abnormality”
“Gravity, are you suggesting a black hole is forming?” Rinley said, “You’ve got be kidding me- Flynn, do you believe this? Flynn?”
“Is it the Bablln?” Flynn said, eyes wide.
“Jesus..” Rinley said, nervously looking at the warped space before them, sucking in photon after photon.
“I don’t believe it is” Seren said, “We were losing the battle, it would be unwise to unleash a secret weapon when victory is imminent”
“I wouldn’t say losing, but point taken” Flynn said.
“Can we warp?” Rinley asked.
“I’m not certain. It’s possible the gravitational pull-” Seren stopped speaking as a ring of bright light nearly blinded them. It burst into being and quickly subsided to a dim ring just larger than their ship where the anomaly had originated. The ship began to move slowly toward it, unwillingly.
“What the hell is this thing?” Flynn said, “I’ve never seen records of anything forming this quickly, no catalyst to speak of”
“The ‘big bang’ as you call it was rather instantaneous if I am not mistaken” Seren noted.
“That sure doesn’t fill me with hope we’re gonna get out of this” Rinley said.
“Engage the warp core now! We need to book it!” Flynn yelled. The ship rocked and equipment began to malfunction. The ship drew closer and closer to the enormous hole in space.
“It is engaged, we should be entering warp as I speak. The anomaly is overriding our capabilities” Seren said, “Diverting all power to warp”
“It’s not going to be enough” Flynn said, “Damn it, we’re going in”
“Into what? To where?” Rinley said.
“I don’t know” Flynn said. He was afraid.
Seren put a hand on his shoulder.
“Captain, we will follow wherever we go” He said.
Flynn nodded and steadied himself. He sat in his Captain’s Chair and took a deep breath.
“Everyone, hold onto your butts!” Flynn yelled, and the Endurance entered the void.
———————————————————————————————————————————————————----------------------------------------------------------------
The Endurance emerged. Flynn would have been overjoyed to find themselves still breathing, but the fact they were now within the atmosphere of an unknown planet traveling at interstellar speed demanded more focus.
“Brace for impact” Flynn yelled, “Slow us down as much as possible!”
“Captain we need to abandon ship immediately” Seren called out.
“No we- we can’t, we can’t! There has to be some way to-”
“Captain, I know how much this vessel means to you, but trust in me now- we are the ship, Captain. We will not perish. We will endure”
“He’s right, Flynn” Rinley said.
“Oddly poignant from you Seren- which means we’re truly screwed” Flynn said, shaking off his panic, “Abandon ship!”
“Pod- energize” A chorus of voices rang out, and one by one the crew members vanished and the sound of pods blasting off could be heard.
“Captain, I advise we go-”
Explosions now rang out as the ship had reached its limits. A piece of debris struck Seren and sent him flying off.
“Seren! Seren!” Flynn yelled, and he began running toward his friend.
Rinley grabbed him.
“Forgive me- Pod, Energize!” Rinley yelled, and before Flynn could protest he found himself looking at the ship crashing into a mountain through the viewport of the escape pod housing himself and Rinley. It instantly erupted into flames.
“If he’s dead, I-”
“Captain we need to locate the rest of the crew immediately, fortunately it looks like the atmosphere here is breathable”
“Right, trackers functioning?” Flynn said, shelving his anger for the time being.
“It’s fuzzy but I think I can get us started” Rinley said. “Impact coming”
The escape pod slowed down upon its arrival to the ground below, but not enough to make the impact any less jarring.
It took what felt like hours for Rinley and Flynn to unstrap themselves and and another hour to open the pod and crawl out. Flynn felt dirt between his fingers, followed soon after by grass as he continued crawling. He finally managed to open his eyes and sit up, taking in the world they had crashed on.
“Captain, something is not right here” Rinley said.
“Oh what makes you think that? Going through a wormhole that led straight into a planet’s atmosphere?” Flynn asked.
“Oh, that, definitely that- but no, something else” Rinley said, “If these readings are right this dirt has the same composition of soil found on earth”
“Earth? The Federation would have found us within seconds of our arrival if we were on earth” Flynn said.
“I agree, and shame on them if that’s the case, but I don’t know of any other planet this close to earth. Not any that I’m aware of at least”
“If this is earth… if we did go through a wormhole..” Flynn said.
“Oh no no no, don’t even think of saying what I think you’re going to say” Rinley said, shaking his finger at him.
“I think we need to be asking when instead of where” Flynn said, “If you’re certain this is earth”
“This is so beyond my paygrade” Rinley said, shaking his head.
Suddenly a spear flew past that head.
“Get into cover now!” Flynn yelled, and the two scrambled as more spears appeared.
“A primitive tribe?” Rinley yelled as they hid behind some trees. “Did we just violate the prime directive?”
“The least of our worries Rinley, honestly!” Flynn said, peaking out from the tree only to dodge another spear.
“By the way, these are oaks” Rinley said, “Definitely earth”
“How far back are we?” Flynn asked.
“Reveal yourselves!” A voice called out. “Reveal yourselves or die! For Sparta!”
“Did.. Did he just” Rinley began, but Flynn ignored him and stepped out from behind the oak with his hands in the air.
“I’m unarmed- unfortunately!” Flynn said.
“He’s from the dragon in the Sky” A new voice said.
“A dragon rider, you’re certain?” The original voice said.
“I am”
“How the hell do you think that’s a drag- no, no, leave it” Flynn said, “Who are you? Where are we? Did you bring us here?”
“Lots of questions for sorcerers” The second voice said, and he revealed himself with the first.
Both men wore strange armor he hadn’t seen outside of history books, but something was off. Something beyond men in antique armor throwing spears at him. One wore something out of a fantasy novel from his childhood, the other cloth with gold plated pieces and a helmet that resembled that of Spartan soldiers, as the voice had said.
“I’m not a sorcerer” Flynn said, “I’m a Captain, of a ship”
“A Captain? Ship? You know Sir Teach?” The medieval knight asked.
“Sorry? Sir Teach?”
“The blackest beard I’ve ever seen. A Spartan I’m sure of it, a true man” The Spartan said, “I am King Leonidas. This is King Arthur, my companion”
“Blackbeard, King Leonidas, and King Arthur..” Rinley said, “What the hell is this place?”
“I’m going to go out on a limb and presume none of you are responsible for bringing us here” Flynn said.
“We’re merely assisting Lord Preston” King Arthur said. “He called us his ‘greeters’”
“Hell of a greeting” Rinley said.
“Hell of an entrance” Arthur said.
“We’re looking for our crew, did you greet them too?” Flynn asked.
“You’re the first we’ve come across, but the others might have met them”
“How many of you are there?” Rinley asked.
“Many. Some almost as strange as you” King Leonidas said.
“Lord Preston, he brought us all here?” Flynn said.
“It is so” King Arthur replied.
“I’d like to have a few words with him”
“He wants to speak to you too. All of us. We’re the best around. No one will keep us down. So say the lords” King Leonidas said, “I told them Sparta was all they need but they insisted on continuing”
“They?” Rinley asked.
“Follow us and you will have your answers” King Arthur said.
Suddenly a gunshot sounded and Arthur unsheathed his sword.
“Unarmed was it!?” He said.
“We are, I swear, only science equipment!” Flynn said.
“Science? Sounds like mischief to me!” Leonidas said. He stepped forward only to see another gunshot strike near his foot. He yelped and jumped back.
An honest to God cowboy stepped out from the trees near them, keeping his pistol steady on Arthur and Leonidas.
“Who’s this? Doc Holiday?” Flynn said.
“The name’s Jesse James. Someone better start talkin’ before I decide to shoot to kill” Jesse said.
“We’re as in the dark as you, put down the gun and you can come with us. All of us” Flynn said.
“I’ll have no such thing. I will slay you where you stand!” Leonidas yelled, charging at Jesse.
Jesse fired.
Leonidas collapsed and Rinley ran to him. Arthur marched toward them as Flynn ran forward.
“No no stop he’s a doctor! A medicine man!” Flynn said. He looked at Jesse James. “What the hell have you done?”
“I got an itchy trigger finger what can I say?” James said coolly.
“Better hope he doesn’t die, hope to God none of you die” Flynn said.
“He was just grazed, I think he’s in shock” Rinley said.
Arthur knelt at Leonidas’ side.
“You will live my friend!”
“We should get him to your Lords, maybe they have a better place for me to tend to him” Rinley said.
“I’ll lead the way” Arthur said, scooping up Leonidas in his arms.
“Put the damn gun away son” Flynn said.
“Careful what you say boy” Jesse said, holstering his pistol nonetheless.
The group marched through the woods, keeping a sharp eye out for any other newcomers.
They approached a crude encampment, tents scattered around like leaves in the wind.
One tent loomed ahead much larger than the others. Guards were posted outside. Roman centurions.
“Wait a moment if you please” a Voice said.
The group stopped as a man in 19th century garments and approached, smoking a pipe.
“Holmes, Sherlock” Sherlock said, offering a hand to Flynn. They shook.
“I didn’t think you were real” Flynn said.
“He’s not” Said Rinley.
Sherlock pinched himself.
“It appears your deduction skills aren’t what you believe them to be gentlemen” Sherlock said, “Do you presume some higher knowledge because you are from the future?”
“How did you know that?” Rinley said.
“Elementary, your fashion isn’t like any I know, and you are the least bewildered arrivals I’ve met yet. Can’t say the same for the other gentlemen”
They looked to Jesse James, who was now pacing around in confusion, sniffing the air. Flynn turned back to Holmes.
“Regardless in the future we come from you are a literary character only” Flynn said.
“Most interesting. Perhaps you are from a different future than my present?” Holmes posited.
“Is this your present?” Flynn asked.
“It is the present for all of us, for we are here gentlemen” Holmes said, “I am told we are in the year two thousand and seventeen AD”
“You telling me people throughout history are all hanging out in the woods in twenty-seventeen?” Rinley said, scratching his head, “History is about to go for a ride if there’s a lick of truth to this”
“What part do we play in history?” Flynn said.
“Perhaps our hosts will inform you” Sherlock said, “You’re free to enter. They’ve been looking forward to meeting the future men”
“Here we thought we were the future men when we first ran into Spartacus and Lancelot” A man in an old fashioned suit and tie said, puffing on a cigar.
“Ah, this is Mr. Ness, a detective from the Unites States” Sherlock said, “We have our disagreements”
“I don’t think hallucinogenics should be used in police work, more than a difference slick” Ness said, looking Flynn and Rinley over. “You two look familiar”
“Seen others like us?” Flynn asked, “We’re looking for our crew”
“Something like that. You space fellas all look the same to me” Ness laughed, to Sherlock’s disapproval. He rolled his eyes at Holmes.
“Please” Sherlock said, “Allow me to tend to the Spartan, my colleague Watson was a medical officer and I’m skilled myself”
“No, I never leave a patient” Rinley said, “Captain, perhaps you should speak with the mastermind of all of this on your own terms and we can rejoin later?”
“You want to talk to Sherlock Holmes more don’t you?” Flynn said.
“I do” Rinley said, “Can you believe it?”
“No, but I have to” Flynn said, and nodded to Rinley before heading toward the tent.
He entered to see two men sitting at a table, speaking to a third who sat opposite them, back turned to him. There was another man in the corner of the room, he couldn’t immediately tell what time period he was from. Curious.
“Whoa, dude, look who it is!” One of the men said.
“Captain Flynn no way, excellent!” The other said.
“Captain?” A familiar voice said, and the man with his back turned stood up to face him.
Flynn rushed forward and hugged Seren tight, lifting him from the floor. Seren did not return the hug, as expected.
“You’re alive! Wait until Rinley sees you, he’ll be relieved not to have your death on his conscience” Flynn said.
“If I were dead I do not see how it would be the fault of Doctor Rinley” Seren said.
“How did you get here?” Flynn said.
“I followed proper procedure for this scenario and maneuvered my escape pod toward the area with the most life signatures present” Seren said.
“Makes sense, we didn’t even think to override the guidance system” Flynn said.
“Captain I fear we face a dire situation, reality itself is in danger” Seren said.
“I figured that much, Sherlock Holmes is here, have you heard of him?” Flynn asked.
“I do recall, from earth’s records. A fictional character who now appears to exist. This brings me to my observation that we are in another timeline, separate from our own” Seren said.
“Back in time to an alternate past? Why do I think we’d be in less trouble if we had started an all out war with the Bablln?” Flynn said.
“If my calculations are correct we are in a timeline known as Righteous Prime. One we were to avoid interacting with above all others, for displacement has occurred at dangerous levels within its confines”
“This isn’t the first time people have traveled through time here?”
“No, it appears however that this is the first time they’ve taken people from another timeline. They say they are in dire need of the greatest minds. Any time, any place. I would be honored but I do find it inappropriate given the circumstances.”
“Speaking of, I believe it’s time I introduce myself” Flynn said, stepping towards the two men who had somehow ignored the conversation between himself and Sern to… thumb wrestle each other.
“Aww man, most unfair!” The blonde haired one said.
“Fair and square dude!” The dark haired one said.
“Excuse me, I said I’d like to introduce myself” Flynn said.
“Oh hey dude, we heard all about you!” The blonde one said, “I’m Bill and this is Ted!”
“Bill, Ted, why did you bring us here? Our ship is destroyed, our crew is in shambles, and our timeline is now in danger” Flynn asked.
“Well, you see, my brother has been missing for two days” Ted said.
“Come again?” Flynn said.
“Well it was one day, but now it’s been two!” Bill said, “Whoa! It took a while to get all of you here”
“This is all about a missing person? How old is he?”
“Uh, he’s, whoa, Bill how old is he?” Ted said.
“Uh, I don’t know dude, forty?” Bill said.
“Are you two fucking retarded?” Flynn said, marching towards them with fists clenched. Seren grabbed him.
“Captain there is more to them than meets the eye. In this timeline their music is highly influential. They even create the greatest song on earth, whereas our records show there to only be a tribute to it in our timeline.”
“Music? Is that worth time being tampered with to such an extreme? What if you had died? If any of the crew is dead. Then there’s the repercussions of all of this on our timeline…” Flynn said.
“I don’t know about your timeline, my excellent dudes, but mine has been made all the better through time travel” The man in the corner said, stepping forward, “My name is Rufus, and I serve Bill and Ted. It is imperative that they party on”
“You’re from the future” Flynn said, “Their future”
“Yes, I have interceded multiple times on their behalf. It has always been so in my timeline. Just as I now must assist them in finding Ted’s brother. If we do not it will lead to Bill and Ted searching forever and neglecting their destiny” Rufus said.
“But you already have, or else you wouldn’t be fulfilling this misguided prophecy of yours” Flynn said.
“Yet I must do it still, in order to have done it” Rufus said.
“Surely you know what has become of the brother, and can locate him immediately?” Seren said. “With your future knowledge, which I object to entirely and will note in my log”
“This is the dark age. We have no knowledge of anything that occurred here” Rufus.
“How does that work?” Flynn asked.
“No doubt the result of evil robots who have been traveling through time attempting to erase historical data” Rufus said. “Party poopers of the highest order”
“Evil time traveling robots” Flynn said, ”Perhaps now you see why time travel is forbidden in our timeline, regardless of speculation that it has influenced a past event or not”
“The future is fine, I just came from it my dudes” Rufus said, “My concern is helping Bill and Ted find Ted’s brother as soon as possible. I’ve gone to great lengths this time. I even went to my own future to upgrade our time traveling and communication devices. Modern science is totally rad but future science is most excellent. Rather than pick you all up in our old machine we were able to invite you to join us here through convenient portals.”
“Wormholes that are highly dangerous” Flynn said, “That nearly got my crew and I killed”
“Dudes” Bill said, “Have you seen Ted’s brother?”
“Yeah, he’s been missing for two days. It’s most uncool” Ted said.
A long silence passed.
“We’re leaving, now” Flynn said, turning to Seren, “We need to find our crew and figure out some way to fix all of this chaos. Return to our timeline, our present”
“We can totally take you back!” Bill said. “Our most awesome friend Rufus can put you right back to normal!”
“Yeah no problem dudes. As soon as we find my brother! This will be most epic!” Ted said.
“Fuck your brother!” Flynn said, at his wits end.
“Whoa, you incestuous fag!” Ted said. He turned to Bill and they laughed, playing air guitar together.
“Why are you acting like stoned teenagers? You look to be in your fifties!” Flynn said.
“Whoa, most inconsiderate” Bill and Ted said in unison, and began to sulk.
“Their curious attitudes are highly desirable in this timeline Captain” Seren said, “They are the saviors of this earth”
“You seem to be learning an awful lot about our captors, Seren”
“With no immediate way home available I wished to take advantage of any learning opportunity that presented itself. Particularly from such fascinating subjects. Their philosophy of being ‘excellent’ to each other has inspired me to aid their cause.”
“You can’t be serious” Flynn said.
“With no ship or weapons I see no way to secure passage to our future without the assistance of those who brought us here” Seren said, “Were we to attempt to steal the time traveling technology we may find ourselves facing an army of warriors from throughout history and attempting to use technology we do not fully understand to return to a point in time at which we very well may have met our end. We may very well cause more damage than we would in remaining here and assisting”
“Most undiplomatic” Rufus said, “Stick with me dudes, and we can set all this right”
Flynn thought on this, and was prepared to answer when Sherlock Holmes ran in.
“Captain Flynn, you must come quickly, it is your friend Rinley!” Sherlock said.
Flynn and Seren followed Holmes with Rufus, Bill and Ted close behind.
They reached the crime scene. Leonidas was unconscious but alive. The same could not be said for Rinley.
“Damn, he’s dead” Holmes said.
“What the hell happened!?” Flynn said, grabbing Holmes.
“I don’t know, I was only away for a moment. When I returned he was bleeding out, stab wounds. He still had a pulse when I ran to you” Sherlock said solemnly.
“It’s a good thing we have Sherlock fucking Holmes on the case” Flynn said, releasing him.
“I’m a bit out of my element. I haven’t the notion of where to start on a case like this one” Holmes said. “Look around you, where do we begin?”
“Captain, it is pertinent that we locate the killer quickly. If he strikes again it could be disastrous for the timeline” Seren said.
“This is most unfortunate. Not awesome at all” Ted said. “We have to put my brother on hold”
“Sorry dude” Bill said. They performed a sad air guitar signal. “A murder most heinous must be solved”
“Is that man dancing?” Seren said, pointing to a cloaked figure in the distance.
“Oh that’s Grim” Bill said, “He’s cool but he gets a little excited about this death stuff. It’s been boring here for him lately, things are really excellent here you know dude?”
“I would say he’s prime suspect number one but with a crowd like this I honestly am at a loss” Holmes said, “I do wish Watson were here”
“Mr. Holmes is correct” Seren said, “I am having trouble ascertaining what the best approach to beginning to solve this crime would be. It is a most unusual list of suspects.”
Flynn looked around, seeing wave after wave of historical figures, half of whom he hadn’t the slightest knowledge of. Any one of them could have a motive. Any on of them could have committed this crime. Any one of them could be from one timeline or another. Any one of them could be a robot apparently. Any one of them could begin dismantling the space time continuum if they struck again. He looked to the sky and saw night was approaching.
“… Fuck” Flynn said.
BILL AND TED’S EPIC EXCURSION: A MOST EXCELLENT MAFIA
#1 GOAT
