HOW IS THIS EVEN A CONTEST?

Caramoan:
Rate the season 1-10 on the winner: 3. GUUUUUUUUUUH. I can't stand Cochran. If he had been shown making the moves that he made in order to win, as well as maybe getting some confirmation from him that he intentionally aligned with Dawn because he believed he would have the upper hand at FTC, I would be willing to excuse this some, but instead everyone just kinda lays down for him when the story tells them to, and we're told that Cochran won because he's amazing and won challenges (one of which was eating and two of which he had an advantage for), and Dawn sucks because she cries too much.
Rate the season 1-10 on entertainment: 3. The three stands for the Three Amigos and their idol play. Everything else was off. Shamar was a train wreck. Phillip's joke was tired out. Brandon could have had an interesting storyline but the editors made it into a huge spectacle of "OOOH LOOK AT THE CRAZY PERSON HE'S CRAAAAAAAAZY." Reynold took up gobs of screentime while saying absolutely nothing of interest. And Cochran was unearned smugness from head to toe. EDIT: And fuck Brenda and her self-righteousness about the whole teeth thing. That was so goddamn uncomfortable to watch.
Rate the season 1-10 on the cast overall: 3. What are the fans actually fans of? It couldn't possibly be Survivor. Whose favorites are these? Not mine. Dawn, Malcolm, Corinne, Michael, and Sherri are the only 5 characters who I would say were simultaneously significant enough to make an impact on the season and who didn't earn my enmity. Erik, Eddie, and Matt too if we relax the "made an impact" criterion.
Rate the season 1-10 on gameplay: 5. Lots of sound and fury, signifying absolutely no changes in the pecking order or indeed any doubt in Cochran's march to the million.
BONUS
Rate the season 1-10 on the location: 7. I will give Philippines an 8, but this gets docked a point for the native who comes to visit. Is the editors' portrayal racist? I don't know, but it makes my skin crawl all the same.
Rate the season 1-10 on the challenges: 6. Good use of the big builds, but it was the apex of the carnival game era of Survivor challenges, which I disliked at the time but yearn for now that we're in the endurance-challenge-every-episode era.

Thailand:
Rate the season 1-10 on the winner: 8. Such a bizarre winner for such a bizarre season. It was important for Survivor to learn the lesson that Brian Heidik taught them: if you and your audience can't stomach the thought of one of your cast members winning the show, never cast them in the first place.
Rate the season 1-10 on entertainment: 5. All sorts of the wrong kind of drama abounded, and strategy calcified early, but there were still some funny lines and a lot of nice character moments.
Rate the season 1-10 on the cast overall: 4. I will vouch for everyone in the final 4, Jake, and Robb. Pretty much everyone else was a dud.
Rate the season 1-10 on gameplay: 4. Not that much of it, really. The arc of the first 7 seasons of Survivor was one of gradual increases in strategic complexity (Borneo introduced pagonging, Australia introduced the pre-merge flip and getting rid of troublemakers in your own alliance, Africa gave us the first tribe swap and the first abortive attempt at the full-scale revolution that Marquesas would realize, and Amazon and Pearl Islands showed the game in full chaotic swing). Thailand was a weird aberration in that context, and as such I can see why it got so much hate early on, but COME ON PEOPLE, CARAMOAN SUCKS ASS.
BONUS
Rate the season 1-10 on the location: 5. Gray, grody beaches and caves full of piss.
Rate the season 1-10 on the challenges: 3. Famously the worst season for challenges, as they attempted to break out of doing the same challenges they always did but didn't quite have enough other good new ideas together. The final challenge was excellent though.