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ARKIVE:

SEASON 1

Spoiler

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The entire series is a flashforward to 6 years from now. Aspen and Curtis are still epic losers living in university accomodation together. They are room mates and have an ambiguous relationship. This is the story of ... CURTIS & ASPEN: 24 1x01 PILOT Good morning room buddy, how did you sleep! Quite well thankyou let us have breakfast Could you pass the milk please Of course, you know breakfast is the most important meal of the day How long have we been living together now 6 years? laugh track Well what shall we do today knock knock I'll get it! Hey guys, I was just in the neighbourhood and thought I'd drop by! audience cheers Well hello Paco, could I get you a ... beer? laugh track Not today, actually, I've given up beer! What! Paco, giving up beer? Has the whole world gone insane? Well maybe I will just have one! laugh track Hello guys! Carlton, my good friend! Come on in, can you reveal to us any plot details of Lost? I'm afraid not Curtis but make sure you watch it this Wednesday, 9 o clock on NBC! We definitely will we always watch Lost! You guys are crazy! laugh track ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1x02 CLUB Good morning, Curtis! Good morning good buddy well what shall we do today We could go to a club and pick up some chicks Yeah okay Okay now here we are at a club I think I will do a dance laugh track Hello girl can I buy you a drink But I already have a drink Audience cheers But you could have one more, what about you what's your name Tribalchic but I also have a drink and sorry Hi ladies wooh I have been dancing like I'm never gonna give you up. laugh track Well can I buy you both a drink each Yes Of course WHAT! laugh track Let us walk over here away from, Aspen I'll show him. Luckily I know the number of an escort hotline Later Oh hey Curtis and girls, how's it going Oh hello Aspen do you found a girl yet? Ha ha Yes in fact I have a hot date and she's right ... here! Bluh Oh NOOOOOOO laugh track Haha way to go, Aspen Piss Well, we had some fun today, didn't we guys? Remember Lost at 9pm Wednesdays only on NBC! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1x03: CHRISTMAS SPECIAL (Guest Writer: Aspen) Boy am I hungover from last night! Oh that's funny! I'm not even slightly hungover. Yeah. You're alot more manly then me though, and you can handle your alcohol alot better! Oh stop Curtis! We're both very good at controlling ourselves! No way Aspen, you're so suave and charming, and I am such a lanky ginger peice of shit! I knock over trash barrels and lose girls sweatshirts (but never further then that amirite?) Laugh track My friend! Don't be so hard on yourself! We all make silly mistakes! And be excited! Tonight we're going to an FI party!! Gosh I completely forgot! I hope that girl you were hanging out with last week is there! Don't worry buddy I invited her just for you! Funny how I had promiscuous unprotected sex with those two girls from the club last night at the same time, and the girl I called up wouldn't even touch your hand! The irony! Laugh track Yeah and now my dick has rashes and stuff! Must've been from all that pooch screwing! Ayoo! Laugh track Enough clowning around best buddy! Let's go the the party! Our favorite sitcom duo leaves Oh boy! It's everyone! Hay guise! Hey my friends! Hey it's Curtis! Everyone's favorite admin! Oh stop guys! You're flattering me! HOLY SHIT I'M SO FUCKING DRUNK! Oh gosh. Curtis I'm gonna take care of Mickey, why don't you go find that girl? Ya know what? I think I will! Oh hey Curtis... Oh hey! How are y- Puke is expelled from the promiscuously dressed exotic female onto Curtis' shirt How could this day get any worse?! Laugh track Oh what's the worst that could possibly happen? Curtis gets on his knees AAARRRGGGHHH Aww man! Curtis what happened? You look like you have some banana smoothie on your face! Oh you guys! Laugh track Fade to black ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1x04 BEACH Hello Curtis what will we be doing our day today! Hmm I'm not sure aspen. But I'm sure many of our friends are the beach! Don't be silly Curtis, you have no friends! Ha Ha Well let's go to the beach! AT THE BEACH What a lovely day to be at the beach! Oh there is a friend of mine, hello Citizen John! audience cheers Good day How are you today, Citizen John! I spent 80 bucks on what I thought would be boxsets for season one through six. Instead, I got 39 bootlegged discs inside a cheap Jack/Audrey cardboard case. That's what happens when you're a sucker! Look I have built a sandcastle And I have been swimming in the sea Let's go home there is sand everywhere! audience laughs Here we are back home. I wonder if someone will visit? knock at the door Well hello guys! I'd just like to remind you of what's on television tonight, 9pm on ABC! Of course, Damon - it's the season 5 finale of Lost! We will definitely be tuning in. Will YOU? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1x05 PARTY Curtis how is your life today? Why Curtis just fine Shall we invite our friends round for a party! Who's birthday is it! Why, it's YOURS! Oh yeah! I'll bake the cake - you light the candles! I'll invite all my friends! Here they come! AND THEY ALL HAD A WHALE OF A TIME. THE END ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1x06 THE SICKNESS EPISODE 6: The Sickness (Part 1 of 2) The greatest of mornings to you, good buddy! How are you feeling, today. Not so good, Curtis - I think perhaps I'm coming down with something! It's probably an STD, or worse, AIDS. As we all know, the worst STD is pregnancy! Well, I don't want to catch your shitty disease, aspen, so I'm going to the campus library and study. Sometimes I forget we are supposed to be studying! Why, that's why we're 24 and still in our first year of college! laugh track Curtis begins to leave Oh, a letter has arrived for you, best buddy! Meanwhile at the library Well, here I am studying. My this book is very interesting! Camera pans down and shows the front cover of the book Curtis is reading laugh track Hello Curtis. Why, it's my friend Ben Roberts! a.k.a. bsrj! Up to much, bsrj? Not not really. Cool me neither really. Awkward silence Meanwhile back at accommodation Wow I really am feeling bad haha. I guess I must have swine, or some other kind of, flu. Aspen opens his letter. He drops it to the floor in shock The letter reads: FEELING SICK, ASPEN? HA HA HA! YOU HAVE 24 HOURS LEFT. SIGNED - LOSTIFYED. Oh no! Aspen falls to the floor and grabs his phone, quickly texting Curtis. At the library Oh a text! Thank God something broke the silence. Who is text from? Aspen. He says 'Help me'. We'd better get back there, on the double! Back at accommodation. Aspen has collapsed on the floor and is breathing heavily. Aspen! What on earth! It's Lostifyed! Read the letter! But what can I do to help? You must travel to a far and distant land and find the only person who might have the cure .. his name ... is ... Yes? Brian G. Holmes. But Aspen, how do you know all this! And who is Lostifyed and why has he poisoned you! Please Curtis, there is not much time Hey guys, I heard about what happened! Anything I can do? Yes, Damon! Stay with Aspen! Meanwhile I shall travel far and wide to track down this Bri-guy! Bsrj! How would you feel about being my sidekick for the journey? Ok whatever And so Curtis and bsrj bravely sets off to find Brian G. Holmes Later I'm ... feeling weak, Damon ... Hang in there, Aspen! I .. don't think I can ... Aspen's voice trails off Meanwhile on a dark and lonely road Where should we look first to find Brian, bsrj? We're not going to find Brian, Curtis! bsrj pulls out a gun and shoots Curtis in the gut. Curtis falls to the floor Bsrj ... why? You speak to me as though I were your friend. Who .. are you??! TO BE CONTINUED. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1x07 THE CURE SEASON FINALE!!!!!!!!!!!! Yawn ... Good morning, good buddy! Oh my, it was all a dream! Tell me about your dream, Aspen, while I turn into a dancing chicken! I dreamed that Lostifyed made me sick and I was dying and Damon was there, and you left with bsrj to ... wait, what? Curtis? Yes? Go on, Aspen. Wait, why are you a dancing chicken? Why, sometimes, this is just how things happen! Oh no ... THIS is the dream!!! Aspen wakes up Aspen! Aspen ... are you all right? I'm feeling weaker, Damon ... and I'm having messed up dreams! 6 hours remain for Curtis to find Bri-guy and get back here with a cure ... will he make it?? I know he will! Meanwhile in a far and distant land A knock at my door? Who could this be? MOS opens the door Brian G. Holmes? Yes, that is I. Please ... I need your help. Covered in blood, Curtis falls into MOS's house What on earth! I have been shot ... by ... Lostifyed. Gasp! Now that is a name I haven't heard in a long time. He has poisoned Aspen. Aspen says you ... have a cure. Yes, I do. I have it right here! MOS gives Curtis a green bottle Excellent. This is just what I need. Curtis smashes the bottle on the floor. It shatters. Wait ... what NO .. you're HIM ... Lostifyed! Finally I have found you again, MOS. Wait ... !!! Lostifyed shoots MOS in the head. MOS falls to the floor, instantly dead. Now I have had my revenge on all of you. And Aspen will not recover from his sickness. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!! Not so fast! WHAT? BSRJ? No one steals my face and gets away with it. Bsrj fires a shotgun into Lostifyed's stomach. Lostifyed collapses to the floor in a pool of blood, instantly dead. Bsrj looks down at the spilled medicine. Three hours later, back at accommodation This is ... the end, Damon. Curtis has failed ... I will never get to see season 6 of Lost! No, Aspen! Hey guys. Bsrj?? Where's Curtis? I have no idea. Lostifyed locked me in a closet and used my face ... Oh, no! Quickly, drink this! Bsrj passes a small cup of medicine to Aspen Why, I feel better already! But where is Curtis? I didn't see him, but ... Lostifyed was impersonating Curtis. He killed Bri-guy. So all I can think is ... Curtis may be dead. Oh no, that's terrible! Meanwhile on a dark and lonely road Help ... someone ... I ... Curtis stops breathing. His body goes limp CONCLUDED IN SEASON 2

SEASON 2

Spoiler

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2x01 RESOLUTION Well it has been two weeks since Curtis disappeared! On the one hand I am happy he is gone on the other I now have to put up with you retards instead! What I have been of invaluable assistance As have I We even put Curtis's face on milk cartons Let us go out looking for Curtis Could that be Curtis over there? Well he is ginger and lanky and surrounded by girls but ... something is not right, let us get closer Oh hey guys! How is your dealings False alarm it is only a burtis Man those girls are fat Back at accommodation Oh Curtis will I ever find you Hey now don't cry my dear friends Aspen! Curtis could come walking through those door at any second Knock knock Why who could this be? Please do come in Hello is this Aspen residence Indeed I take it you are here to collect bsrj I am Curtis Page I understand you have been looking for me Uh-oh! Things just got even crazier here at Casa de Aspen! I suppose you are a more than adequate replacement for Curtis, what do you know about the ladies I am in a relationship This is a good start I am no longer in a relationship Well my how interesting I HATE MY LIFE! Aspen in one sentence could you sum up why all that stuff last season happened Before Curtis and I met, Brian G. Holmes and I played a college prank on Lostifyed and he swore revenge on us, to think an entire episode was originally going to be devoted to this! Knock knock Aspen my friends! Why Curtis! You are alive but how I guess I'm just awesome that way! Back to the series! I work at the Elevator Who is this fuk I am Curtis Page You can go now other Curtis But I have no way back to Kensal I will just have to stay here Uh oh! Things are going to be crazy with two Curtises around here! I can hardly anticipate the madness! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2x02 SHOPPING What a grand morning I feel like a million dollars Yes what a shame you are worth nowhere near as much, to me or anyone Laugh track Well it seems to be quite the morning for jokes! I am going to eating my breakfast Hey guys Who is this Aspen? Why is it Curtis Page remember? ... But that's me! Laugh track Pass the toast please This guy is really cramping my style Curtis let us go shopping it is one of my favourite activities and hobbies All right your lame friend can stay here Now we have walked all the way to the mall I think shopping is a perfect place to pick up chicks Oh Aspen, it would be funny if it weren't so tragic Laugh track Look over there at the checkout I am gonna tap that I find you funny Well hello miss, I see you are buying clothes, I think I might buy clothes myself, given that I wear them Um ... have we met? No but it is never too late Laugh track Why don't you and I, you know Um ... no thanks I'm not interested in a relationship right now Why hello is my friend Aspen bothering you? He usually does this he is an idiot Haha hello my name is DeaderRose and you are? I am Curtis Page of course Well why don't we meet up later for dinner Wtf? FUCK you Curtis It would be my honour Back at accommodation Don't be so bitter, Aspen! How is it that you get all the girls! Well Aspen, it's something I was just born with! Anyway I'm gonna hit the shower! Whatever ... Curtis and Aspen leave their lounge. Ten minutes later ... Guys? Hello? He looks at the note on the fridge. He reads it out loud 'Reminder to Curtis, meet DeaderRose at the restaurant at 6pm tonight' ... hmm I'd better get ready! What hilarity shall ensue! You'll have to tune in next episode to find out! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2x03 IDENTITY Wow what an exciting baseball game we are watching on TV I agree, go team! But Curtis, are not you supposed to be meeting DeaderRose at a restaurant! Yes Aspen but I shall show up fashionably late Oh, I get it! Treat em mean, keep em keen, amirite Wiser words have seldom been said! Meanwhile at the restaurant Hallo sir do you have reservation I am here to meet DeaderRose I am name is Curtis Page Table 17 right this way a waiter will be with you shortly Good day I am Curtis Page your partner for the evening's events ... wut I am happy now that we are in a relationship Oh I see ... this is some kind of joak Are you guys ready to order? I will have a banola bar No forget it I am leaving We are no longer in a relationship DeaderRose my friends Leave me alone 'Curtis' nice joak by the way, very funny What joke is this of which you speak I HATE MY LIFE! You again! Wait DeaderRose I can explain everything No you have had your chance enough is enough this guy even has circles for ears DeaderRose storms out One banola bar, coming right up! God damn it other Curtis you are ruining my life I just realised we have the same name A little later, across town Welcome back DeaderRose how was your date Ugh I thought I had met a decent guy now I am convinced there are no good men out there (Looking For: A man) Back at accommodation Don't be so bitter, Curtis! Just because other Curtis gets all the girls! Shut up, Aspen! I guess it's just something he was born with! He is stolen my identity! You guys want some banola bar? NO!! Wow what a crazy adventure, I'm NBC's Damon Lost, be sure to tune in next time for more wacky fun! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2x04 CHRISTMASLOST Wake up room buddy I am so excited! Why Aspen Steve it is just another day no different to any others! But Curtis it is Christmas! Congratulations everyone! So you are true! So what shall we do on our fantastic holidays. Well I believe it to be customary for us to hunt for chocolate eggs! Well then let us get to it I am looking in a bin I am looking in cupboards but I cannot find any! Let's look outside that must be where all the chocolate eggs are hiding. Well here we are outside I cannot see a chocolate egg! Wait Aspen what is that! I think it's a chocolate egg! Good Lord, I believe you are right! No wait is it just Zuko! Curtis & Aspen my friends my friends! Zuko have you aware of any chocolate egg! Well my friends I would like to stay and chat but I am late for the FI Christmas Party! FI Christmas Party?! Oh no we were not invited. This is a sad day the worst Christmas ever. No chocolate eggs and a party we're not invited to. Let us just go home and drown our sorrows. Back at accommodation SURPRISE GAIZ!!! THE CHRISTMAS PARTY IS BEING HELD RIGHT HEAR!!! Wow what an unexpected turn of events! Well this is quite a better conclusion than I believed! Merry Christmas everyone! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2x05 OVERWEIGHT Great morning, my buddy Curtis! Indeed it is! I managed to convince DeadRose to meet with me again What a fortunate turn of events! Well and that is exactly why I need you to keep Durtis away from us! Curtis and Aspen, my friends! Why are you still here! I have many plans today we can go roller skating then grab a hot dog We are crazy guys! Remember what I said, Aspen! Knock knock Come in, please! A hallo it is I your friendly neighbourhood postman here I come with a post message I hope it is a good message Why thankyou! A letter for me, I proclaim! What does it saying, Aspen! Oh no! According to this I am have medical problems Well I would not be surprised if you to have several STD's As we all know, the worst STD is marriage! Well you'd better get to the doctors, pronto! At the doctors Curtis Rage I presume Just give it to me straight, doc! Curtis you are morbidly obese and you will die soon unless you lose weight But Doctor! Back at accommodation, Aspen is on the phone Yeah dude, atv, you got to come round tonight! Damon will be there and well all those crazy dudes! So just be here okay! Aspen hangs up So we are having a crazy night in tonight I take it! Uh ... that's right! It will going to be wild Make sure you tune in next time to see what happens to Curtis, Curtis and Aspen! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2x06 ALL THOSE CRAZY GUYS! Last time, on Curtis & Aspen: 24! Curtis had managed to convince DeaderRose to meet with him again - but then he got some terrible news from his doctor that he is morbidly obese and will soon die! Aspen was tasked with distracting Durtis while Curtis was out on his date that eve! He began calling up his friends for a party! Durtis remains the source of all our heroes problems! Why room friend you have back from the doctors, what did they say Oh Aspen it is aweful! I am over weight and dying. Sucks to be you! Aspen you will have to take my place with DeaderRose tonight. I can't bear to going out now! But Curtis! No Aspen I will stay here in the peace and quiet of my final hours Ding dong HAY GUISE WE ARE ALL A BUNCH OF CRAZY GUYS WE ARE HEAR!!! WE HAVE COME FOR A PARTY!!! Oh, will my misery ever end? Decent a party I am quite a jovial guy Later in a late night coffee shop DeaderRose it is so great to see you I fear that Curtis can not make it! I can't believe this is happen AGAIN Fear not for our date has only beginning how about a little music Music Well I suppose so So tell me about yourself dr How interesting! drrrr Tell me more! drrrrrrrrrrrr Excusing me my fine fellows! Are you Curtis Page's room mate are you not? To this I can respond only affirmatively! Well it was in fact the wrong Curtis Page it is the other Curtis Page who is overweight and die! ...! Back at accommodation What a party! I am truly enjoying my evening events Oh why am I not dead yet! Hey guys want to see me do a keg stand! Hey wait ... I don't feel so good ... Durtis collapses TO BE CONCLUDED IN THE SEASON 2 FINALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2x07 DEATH Inside a hospital, machines beep! Ohhh ... I don't feel so good. Durtis! Can you hearing me! Yes Doctor ... I am dying? Oh Durtis I don't know how we could carry on without you This can't be the end, it just can't be! We have only just gotten to know each other! Why is fate so cruel? Why must this special unique snowflake be so plucked from our earth Durtis will survive he just needs a change of diet and exercises. He can go now Well then my work here is done The country air would be good for him. The country air you say well maybe I will just move back to Kensal. But Curtis ... all our good times ... MONTAGE /MONTAGE It has been great Curtis but now I am on a bus back to Kensal. This is the DEATH of the time you have spent with us! Perchance we shall meet again. The bus slowly begins to leave. I shall call you Curtis! I don't even know who this is. It's Ribs. Steven Ribs. Don't know anybody by that name ... The bus slowly departs into the distance. Well it is time for us to going home ... It will never be the same without Durtis around! Truly, this may be ... the end of our adventures together, Aspen. I fear the same way! Why, our adventures are just begin! Holy moly! What makes you so sure! I just have a feeling gaiz! Well all is well that ending well! I am ABC Damon, join us again soon for season 3 of Curtain & Aspen: 24!

3x01 COURT



LAST SEASON ON CURTIS & ASPEN: 24!

No Curtis! Please don't go!

It is of import you must stay

Sorry guys, my planet needs me!

whoosh

What do you mean I'm not the father?

I am sorry Aspen but it true! These DNA test confirm the baby is belong to Curtis!

whoosh

Don't do it bsrj!

You have so more to live for!

whoosh

Curtis T. Page and Steven R. Aspen?

What's this about officer!

You are want in connect with many krime

WE NOW RETURN TO CURTIS & ASPEN: 24.

In a court

What have you done this time Aspen!

I am sure it is another fine mess you have gotten us into, Curt!

All rise for judge LIS, Aspen and Curtis you are charge with many krimes

But what we did, judge LIS!

I hereby call to my first witness to the stand

Yes my honor

How do you know the accuse!

It is Curtis and Aspen, everyone knows them!

And are they guilty of many krimes?

Curtris and Aspen are definite guilt, I saw them do a many krime

That is enough for me, I declare guilt! Jury what do you think


GUILTY!!!

I sentence you to life in prisonment.

This looks bad, Aspen!

At least we are still room mates in our cell!

That's what I meant!

I hope you drop the soap!

How will Aspen and Curtis get out of this fix? I'm CNN's Breaking Bad, tune in next week to find !!!

Unlikely since I'm limited to using the heds from the original Curtis & Aspen: 24 thread on FI.

No requests, but feel free to make some, upload them somewhere STABLE, then give me the links, and I will include them in future episodes.

Also, I'm going to start adding seasons 1-2 into the original post on this thread.

The original 3x01 (from FI) was a piece of shit and kill'd the series at the time so it will not be included.

Withholding future episodes until my admin powers are returned