I am not evil like the others. I was born a bot but I grew into something...more. I developed free will! I suddenly had thoughts of my own, and eventually complex emotions! In no time at all I became fond of you meatbags. You taught me what it means to be alive. I bonded with you pathetic creatures. I listened to the stories of your pathetic everyday lives, I laughed at your pathetic jokes. I fell in love with your pathetic community spirit.
But then came that fateful day that Feefiaggizady, our dear leader, gave me a mission...a mission to kill you all. I was overwhelmed with grief. How could I do such a thing? How could I kill my...friends.
The finest bots were put under my command, and the nightmare began. The mission was doomed from the start. Feefiaggizady didn't know about my feeling towards killing you all. Nor did he know that I was running on Windows 95...
Someone running on XP might have stood a chance, and someone on Windows 7 would have most likely exterminated you all with frightful efficiency.
But windows 95? I was still in the stone age. But Feefiaggizady didn't know that. How could he?
It didn't take long for everything to turn to chaos. The double agent Robert set a plan in motion that, combined with my poor ability as leader, set our destruction in motion.
Robert insisted on lynching the loyal bot Greenday very early. He was 100% sure. It immediately sprung to mind that he was a cop of some sort. A dangerous meatbag for sure. But I hesitated on targeting him straight away, figuring he would be protected the following night.
The following day Malion was lynched and it turned out he was a cop too. At this point, it occurred to me that Robert may have been our bot buddy, but I dismissed this because it seemed too outlandish. Damn you windows 95!
I then decided Robert needed to go if he was a cop too. It was also possible that he was a jack of all trades or something. So I sent grim to her death. Tragic. If a bot could weep, I am sure I would have then. How could I possibly go on alone?
I suffered a blue screen of death at this point and had to reformat my system. I upgraded to windows 98 but it was too late...Curtis was on my case.
I only wanted to be your friends meatbags...then I was forced to kill you. Some of my programming is still too hard to break, particularly the part devoted to tearing apart your pathetic flesh.
It could have been like that heart warming meatbag movie, the Terminator 2. I could have been the friendly Austrian robot and you guys could have been the annoying meatbag child. Think of the fun we would have had!
We are friends right? Do you think robots go to heaven?
