Quite the story Chnlove

So what I gathered from this:

- Mohandes Ghandi ran a fashion line until one day he decided to become a dictator and unify all of Asia. Upon trying to annex Tibet and make it part of his eye, he ended up in a war with Communist China

- The narrator and his wife took acid while travelling in India and claimed it gave them the ability to peer inside 'astounding realms'. Then they got lost and went to a travel agent.

- They joined a pilgrimage and relieved themselves in the holy waters of the Ganges, after a particularly large lunch. They figured this experience was included in their holiday package.

- Japanese people and normal people were looking at Canon cameras, and naturally, they turned into Nikons. They then got in a bus which deliberately drove into cows, goats and vibrantly garbed people. Then they hold some kind of auction on the bus, one of the items sold including an invaluable 'toy tea dock', which someone was willing to give up four mortgages for. It was around this time that they crossed the border into Nepal and transferred to a bus which was about to break down. A monsoon was brewing, and on the subsequent drive down the flooded roads, they saw several trucks get swallowed by the water. Eventually the bus had to stop, and did so for some time.

There was a landslide on the Himalayas, and the bus driver said they should consider getting off the bus and walking back the way they came. The narrator and his family were skeptical of that idea. The narrator then spotted a low dye which kept the rucksacks on the bus in place, which he realized had maintained the hegemony of the United States across the world. (?)

This brief controversy ended when they realized the bus driver was correct, or at least half correct. They did indeed get off the bus, but not to walk back the other way. Rather, they began walking uphill towards the Himalayas. They were wearing Tibetan Fleece Jackets, which were attached to the buttocks of their Nepalese guides, so they would be fine.

Then a bunch of crazy youngsters appeared, wearing fancy sneakers, and donated $5 each to carry some treasure. One of the teenagers was American, and he didn't have the required $5, so he imagined one instead.

They started their journey up the Himalayas, making stops at hundreds of show rooms along the way. Some of the young Nepalese who worked in the show rooms offered the tourists sex. Many of the tourists couldn't handle the lower oxygen level and developed altitude sickness. But they had a great view of the Kosi sea from that height, but they couldn't enjoy it for very long because the UV rays from the sun gave them all cataracts, which spread out like ribbons across their eyes.

While talking to his sister that night, the narrator lamented that he might not make it back to tell her about all he had seen, and vowed to take pictures, presumably with one of the Canon cameras which turned into a Nikon from earlier.

They did a six mile hike the following day, ascending 2000 feet. On this journey, the water bottles began to weigh them down, so they would sip them to lighten their load. That night they were still walking, when they came across a fork in the trail. Most people chose the steeper of the two trails. However, the decreased oxygen was now beginning to sap all of their bodies, making it difficult to continue for too lengthy a period.

The scorpions took this opportunity to strike, stinging many of the expedition. They tried to drink the pain away with wine, but when they opened the chiller they kept it in, it had all evaporated.

A lazy foreigner and a tired asian chick approached the expedition, offering to trade bizarre wears. They also had a Chinese language program, called Isabel. The lazy foreigner said the language program would 'improve their Shanghai vernacular'.

Eventually, the expedition moved on, and came to a checkpoint at Mandar. A bunch of the locals there saw them off with the parting words 'Goodbye, consultant', which seemed to be part of a joke only they understood.

They then came across Tibetan cottages, which were very fresh. The dormitories there were reasonably comfortable, and it only cost $1 to rent one for the night. However, the proprietor was prejudiced against Americans, and said it would cost $5 for them to stay, unless they wanted to work as a handy for a farm hand for a day.

When the narrator and his family arrived at these quaint cottages, the proprietor had even less tolerance for them, for some reason, and was insisting on charging as much as $10. There was completely no alternative, and furthermore, she could only offer them the unheated outdoor storage shed, which had no running water, and boasted a single 100 w bulb. It was like a Kangaroo court.

The narrator and his exhausted family slept in the shed, and awoke early in the morning. Upon walking outside, they found one of Jack Keroac's cars outside one of the dorms. Not far from the car sat some Chinese girls, braiding each others hair into pigtails. The Himalayan peaks sneered at them from above.

A chnlove review recommended riding to Lhasa on bikes from here, which was 600 miles from the cottages. However, the review recommenced you to be of Tibetan nationality before making such a journey.

Using the Isabel Chinese language program, the narrator hunted for a driver of a car or truck who could take him and his family on the rest of their journey. He managed to haggle for one at a price of 170 yuan (about $45). It was an air conditioned Toyota, with a stereo.

This made the trip to Zhengmu much easier, and they passed streams and waterfalls on the way. They reached 18,000 feet in this Toyota, flanked by rocks on all sides, until they came to an unwelcoming and barren area. There wasn't a tree in sight. It was at this point they had to refill the cars gas tank.

They drove a little further and came to Oomolongma, the worlds highest hill, which required great skill to traverse. They had to wait until the evening to attempt the hike, as the UV rays had been severe that day.

The Toyota driver liked this part of the country, as he had read a favourable chnlove review of it. There were geysers and hot springs in this part of the mountains. The only shelter nearby was a mud hut. Inside were two ten year olds playing video games.

Whilst there, they drank some green tea and ate electronic noodle soup, as family and friends considered replacing each other. The host or hostess (difficult to tell) who ran the mud hut ran a game of beer pong, and then took some English lessons from the narrator. The narrator marveled that the developers of Isabel should develop the English language equivalent.

It was at this time that Isabel gained sentience, and revealed his diabolical plan. He had intervened with movements akin to a God, even though he mimed the simple functions of a humble CD ROM.

"He told her you're a secretary" Isabel siad to the narrator. Then he started speaking Tibetan, and demanded a commission of 50 pence.

Night approached, and in the Tibetan night, all the stars and galaxies were visible. There were dogs all around. These dogs were understood to be reincarnated monks, specifically those who hadn't achieved enlightenment.

The narrator found a calendar catalogue but it was password protected, so he sat in the cold. The narrator began to wonder why he had come here at all. It was a miserable cold wasteland, and there was another 20,000 feet to ascend yet. He began to wonder if he would have been better off looking at pictures of the Himalayas instead. He wished a jet plane could come pick him and his family up.

To make matters worse, their driver who had took them up here in his Toyota had fallen in love with Isabel. In a bid to win Isabel's affection, he had decided to show off his driving technique, by driving down one of the mountain peaks, one hand on the steering wheel, the other rolling a cigarette...his last words were "Are the public anxious?"

The next day, the hostess kicked them out of her mud hut, and they had to move on. Barely having time to dress, the narrator found himself outside in with only his pajamas and a pair of slippers on. Gone were the comforts of the mud hut, such as iced tea, color television, hot water and oxygen ink cartridges.

Later that day, the narrator texted his family in the USA. "Glad to know you've made it," one of them texted back.

The narrator replied that he and his family would be making their way to Katmandu, from there Lhasa, and then get home with great haste.

It actually has a coherent narrative, if you discard the weird intro about Ghandi and Mao

Good stuff