lol money

Kru @ 27/1/2015 8:45

I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago: I got a vasectomy. I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company. I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl. We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully. Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity. At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri. So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it. Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically. It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready. I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared. She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?" Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper. I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately. I tell her simply, "You're screwed". Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared. I continue. "I am sterile" Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shit. You're trapped and you know it." I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine." This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes." I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine." I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing. I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing. Epilogue - I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women. The Moral of the Story - Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

Bullshit. I remember when I read this on reddit

Wait no. I remember that copypasta

False rape accusations aren't an epidemic. Rape is an epidemic. DO NOT FOR A SECOND THINK THAT THE FEW MEN HURT BY THE ACTIONS OF FEW WOMEN OUTWEIGHS THE ACTUAL VICTIMS OF RAPE.

Boc @ 27/1/2015 22:40

The punishment for false accusations should be equal to if not greater than a sentence for a rape charge tbh.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

It's a terrible thing but a guy who ruins a girl's life, trust for other people, and scars her for life should not get off easier than the very few women with mental health issues who would falsely accuse someone of that. Bullshit, Boc. People are raped every single day and COPS COVER THAT SHIT UP. There is a 10 year backlog of rapekits, did you know that? People are less likely to believe the women. Natalie said that cops will believe the woman. That's not fucking true.

http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2014/12/12/san-francisco-police-make-progress-on-backlog-of-untested-rape-kits/

Chris25 @ 28/1/2015 1:46

Nofo ☭ @ 28/1/2015 0:32 False rape accusations aren't an epidemic. Rape is an epidemic. DO NOT FOR A SECOND THINK THAT THE FEW MEN HURT BY THE ACTIONS OF FEW WOMEN OUTWEIGHS THE ACTUAL VICTIMS OF RAPE. This isnt a balancing act, injustice is injustice and each instance, whether its a girl getting raped and nobody believing her or a man going to prison because some crazy bitch lied for 10 years, IS AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING TRAGEDY EITHER WAY. And what you guys are saying is that we need to cast a very wide net, and if a girl accuses a guy of rape then we should charge and convict everyone and if one or two innocent guys have their lives ruined then "oh well, thats the price guys pay for having a dick" Thats not how the justice system is built in this country and its absolute fucking bullshit.

Who said that? Who has said anything like this in this thread?

Chris25 @ 28/1/2015 1:49

Nofo ☭ @ 28/1/2015 0:47 Chris25 @ 28/1/2015 1:46 This isnt a balancing act, injustice is injustice and each instance, whether its a girl getting raped and nobody believing her or a man going to prison because some crazy bitch lied for 10 years, IS AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING TRAGEDY EITHER WAY. And what you guys are saying is that we need to cast a very wide net, and if a girl accuses a guy of rape then we should charge and convict everyone and if one or two innocent guys have their lives ruined then "oh well, thats the price guys pay for having a dick" Thats not how the justice system is built in this country and its absolute fucking bullshit. Who said that? Who has said anything like this in this thread? Nofo ☭ @ 28/1/2015 0:32 False rape accusations aren't an epidemic. Rape is an epidemic. DO NOT FOR A SECOND THINK THAT THE FEW MEN HURT BY THE ACTIONS OF FEW WOMEN OUTWEIGHS THE ACTUAL VICTIMS OF RAPE.

That's not what I meant and you fucking know it. I meant that you shouldn't jump to the conclusion that a woman who says she was raped is lying and that these women are more evil than men who rape.

I was talking about the issues you, Kiwi, Natalie, Boc, and Curtis bring up constantly. "BUT WHAT ABOUT THE MENZZZZZZZZ"

Please stop korr.

Kiwi @ 28/1/2015 18:39

Although I have not read a single post in this thread properly for obvious reasons, what do the keyboard warriors in this thread think is higher. The percentage of unreported male rapes or the percentage of unreported female rapes? Something to think about anyhow...

Men are less likely to report all forms of sexual assault and it is a HUGE problem in society. This is me speaking from experience here.

Chris25 @ 28/1/2015 18:45

Nofo ☭ @ 28/1/2015 17:43 Kiwi @ 28/1/2015 18:39 Although I have not read a single post in this thread properly for obvious reasons, what do the keyboard warriors in this thread think is higher. The percentage of unreported male rapes or the percentage of unreported female rapes? Something to think about anyhow... Men are less likely to report all forms of sexual assault and it is a HUGE problem in society. This is me speaking from experience here. Is this you reporting to the FE authorities that you are a victim of sexual assault?

k shut the fuck up. let's be adults here kty

KORR, SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU'RE NOT CUTE OR FUNNY ANYMORE.

Boc @ 28/1/2015 21:02

Nofo ☭ @ 27/1/2015 23:39 Boc @ 27/1/2015 22:40 The punishment for false accusations should be equal to if not greater than a sentence for a rape charge tbh. WHAT THE FUCK?! It's a terrible thing but a guy who ruins a girl's life, trust for other people, and scars her for life should not get off easier than the very few women with mental health issues who would falsely accuse someone of that. Bullshit, Boc. People are raped every single day and COPS COVER THAT SHIT UP. There is a 10 year backlog of rapekits, did you know that? People are less likely to believe the women. Natalie said that cops will believe the woman. That's not fucking true. http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2014/12/12/san-francisco-police-make-progress-on-backlog-of-untested-rape-kits/ Oh, so all women who falsely accuse have mental health issues now? That's convenient. I'm not even comparing the two crimes per se, but if a woman wants to a ruin a guy's life then if the lie gets found out she should have her life ruined in the same way. How is that not fair? The second part of your post has absolutely nothing to do with what I was saying Malion @ 27/1/2015 22:40 You wouldn't have a discussion about break-ins and half the posts talk about insurance fraud and people stealing their own things or leaving their doors unlocked intentionally... but people sure do seem to jump the gun at undermining rape cases by saying "wellll what if she's lying she is a woman afterall".. Where did I say that every woman who accuses should immediately be doubted? (I mean, technically, they should just like any other crime in existence, because that's how the justice system works) I was talking about women that ACTUALLY falsely accuse. You sure do like strawmen Mal!

My issue was not with you asking for equal punishment, my issue was with the sexist "if not worse" you added onto it.

JJ @ 28/1/2015 21:37

Boc, I have something sad to tell you. Travelocity gnome has experienced an...incident. Although he made a new friend, that friend liked him way more than was appreciated and...well...he needs further counseling before he moves on to a new city. This will not be reported in the official statistics but whoever receives him next, please be gentle. :(

Your dog ate him?

Mercator @ 29/1/2015 1:37

Nofo ☭ @ 28/1/2015 17:05 Boc @ 28/1/2015 21:02 Nofo ☭ @ 27/1/2015 23:39 Boc @ 27/1/2015 22:40 The punishment for false accusations should be equal to if not greater than a sentence for a rape charge tbh. WHAT THE FUCK?! It's a terrible thing but a guy who ruins a girl's life, trust for other people, and scars her for life should not get off easier than the very few women with mental health issues who would falsely accuse someone of that. Bullshit, Boc. People are raped every single day and COPS COVER THAT SHIT UP. There is a 10 year backlog of rapekits, did you know that? People are less likely to believe the women. Natalie said that cops will believe the woman. That's not fucking true. http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2014/12/12/san-francisco-police-make-progress-on-backlog-of-untested-rape-kits/ Oh, so all women who falsely accuse have mental health issues now? That's convenient. I'm not even comparing the two crimes per se, but if a woman wants to a ruin a guy's life then if the lie gets found out she should have her life ruined in the same way. How is that not fair? The second part of your post has absolutely nothing to do with what I was saying Malion @ 27/1/2015 22:40 You wouldn't have a discussion about break-ins and half the posts talk about insurance fraud and people stealing their own things or leaving their doors unlocked intentionally... but people sure do seem to jump the gun at undermining rape cases by saying "wellll what if she's lying she is a woman afterall".. Where did I say that every woman who accuses should immediately be doubted? (I mean, technically, they should just like any other crime in existence, because that's how the justice system works) I was talking about women that ACTUALLY falsely accuse. You sure do like strawmen Mal! My issue was not with you asking for equal punishment, my issue was with the sexist "if not worse" you added onto it. How is that sexist? In fact it was you who were talking about sex, saying that a "guy" who rapes and "women with mental health issues". As if only men can rape and only women can falsely accuse people. You're the only one being sexist... And how is your life not ruined and your trust not shattered if you're convicted and sentenced for up to a life of imprisonment for a crime you did not commit?

You're bending the narrative again. I did not say any of those things.