Issue 1: FEvengers Failsemble!

KC -

KC woke up and was in a foul mood. He looked at his phone and sighed in disgust. No new snapchats. “I hate this stupid app” he said as he lay back down and thought about the night before. He brought home the hottest blonde he had ever met and it was by singing a Pixies song to her. When in the world does that shit ever work? He even remembered her sitting on top of him as she was taking her bra off… and after that he remembered nothing. He passed out.

“The most passionate night of fucking some girls brains out and I faint. Fuck my life and everything about it”.

As he got out of bed he realized his whole body was in pain which just made him angrier about the night of fun he missed.

“I hate each and every one of you” he said to no one and everyone in particular. He made his way slowly to the bathroom and got in the shower. As he was washing off he noticed how much dirt and soil was coming off of his body and scratches all over the place. “Did we do it in the bushes too”, he thought? As he got out of the shower and contemplated all the things KC contemplates and looked in the mirror to decide if he should shave or just say fuck it all he noticed his hair was not his hair. It was grass. Grass growing out of his head and face.

“Oh”.


Malion -

Mal was sitting in his room, alone, on a Friday night. Not unusual for him. Well alone was not quite accurate. He did have friends. Ilam, Ruffaford, and of course Pikachu. His favorite dollies! He was never lonely when he had his dollies. They never made fun of him or teased him.

"Ilam would you care for more tea" Said Mal?
"WHY YES OLD CHAP I BELIEVE I WOULD! HOW ABOUT YOU RUFFAFORD? YOU PIKACHU?" said Mal again.

He let out a heavy sigh. "I wish you guys were real..."

He looked out his window and saw everyone laughing and having a grand old time wishing he could have the confidence to venture out and be social for once.

"Ilam, will I ever find some confidence" Mal asked?

"You sure will buddy"

Mal looked over at his dolly. And was shocked to see it looking up at him, smiling.



Vernon -

Vernon felt FUCKING GREAT today. It was leg day at the gym. Not is favorite but he felt unstoppable. Maybe it was because Kathy Griffen stood in front of him in the lunch line today. He was so close to fame he could taste it. He almost did taste it but was afraid he'd get fired if he licked her. But how cool would all his pals think he was after he told him this story.

"A few more sets and I can tell Sansa about my magical day" he squealed!

The work out was too easy though. Had he really gotten that much stronger? So he did the only logical thing... added 200 more pounds for some epic leg presses. But 220lbs was still too easy. So he kept adding more. And more. And trying different weights and different muscle sets. All still too easy for him.

"I...I think... I think I have really become... THE CRUSHER"!

He ran out of the gym to his car to tell Sansa the great news. But what he didn't see were a pair of red eyes staring at him from the darkness of the garage...

Galacurtis came and ate the planet the end