Hey feminazis, I got a gift for you



Enjoy the rest of your shitty life.

I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, "You're screwed".

Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. "I am sterile"

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shit. You're trapped and you know it."

I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes."

I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

nofopls

Zersch @ 27/1/2015 22:49

Guys we are desecrating a holy ground not meant for us.

Off to the Mancave!

Guys what happened to Innocent until proven guilty?

Ok here are my thoughts:

1. If you get raped, call the fucking police immediately, have them search for evidence. No showers. Don't go oooh he raped me last week and I didn't do anything about it since I was too afraid...

2. Yes you can tell me everything about the statistics of unreported rape cases, No evidence = no conviction.

3. Someone's word isn't grounds enough for being guilty, accuser or accused.

4. The reason why false rape accusations is such an issue is sympathy for the females, See a woman crying, you feel sorry for her, see a man crying ---> HA HA LOSER.

5. Yes there are cases of women raping men. What's good for the goose, is good for the gander M I RITE?

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Even females that immediately go to the police don't always get their rapists convicted. As was jokingly pointed out to Curtis, the police ask questions that could make or break a rape conviction. If she was wearing revealing clothing, she was asking for it by dressing slutty. If she was drunk then it's her own fault for not being sober enough to say no.

Did she have any signs of resistance? Scratches? Pubic hair? Did she probably gave consent, as for being drunk, she should have been careful with what she was drinking.

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The "haha loser" mentality is something that you can blame misogyny for.

Calling a man a loser isn't misogyny since he isn't a woman.

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The same guys that scream "men get raped too!" called Shia LaBeouf "pathetic" for "letting a woman rape him"

Who the same guys? Do you know them? Or maybe he is called pathetic since his story sounds like bs?

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A lot of women feel ashamed, embarrassed, blame themselves. It's not as easy as just - call the police immediately. Unfortunately, probably the fact that it's "his word against hers" is why a lot of women don't want to report it initially but are later counseled into it.

A lot of women blame themselves for something that isn't their fault? It would be smart for them to report immediately when the evidence is fresh. Then again I think a lot of women are smart and this isn't much of a issue... Then again "his word against hers" doesn't stop those false accusers from doing their deed.

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False rape accusations are not "such an issue" and I really hope you don't seriously believe that.

It is when people easily believe the victim without solid evidence and put their feelings ahead of all else. Cop killing black gentle giant anyone?

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Rape is about violence and control and it's against victims who can be over-powered. That's why it's a predominately male crime.

I agree, but that doesn't clear all women. There are women teachers that rape underage 16-18 year old boys since they can't fight back.

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Even though I still think Chris's friend's friends story is BS, just the fact that you guys think it's okay to have sex with a girl while she's sleeping no matter what she consented to before is so crazy to me. Consent is consent.

It could be BS. I wasn't there to witness the thing and I see no evidence for his claim. I find people's reaction to "my story" quite humorous.

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Even drunk girls have the right not be raped.

Of course they don't, but when they are drunk they don't think properly and do give consent. Just imagine the irony of two drunk lesbians going upstairs, do their thing, wake up and accuse each other of rape immediately after. Drunk people should be responsible for their actions. If you can't control yourself being drunk, maybe you should avoid the alcohol.

Shiiiit it's NDIMCOP, let's take our bullshit and hightail out of here.

Oh Shag you...

So there was this robot that stuck its plug into this other robot's ass and the robot went "What are you doing you crazy robot?" and then the other robot said "Sensors indicate that your power reserves are low" and the other one said "Stop raping me, I'm a woman in a robot costume!" so the robot activated its handsaw and cut the woman's head off and in the end the robot couldn't be convicted because it's a robot silly, how can you punish a robot? You punish the asshole who program it. Sadly they tried to look for the creator but he too had his head cut off. The police was baffled, did the robots get sentient? Then all the sudden all the electrical appliances refuse to work properly, this guy tried to use a microwave cooking his soup, he placed his soup inside when all the sudden the door closed on his hand and the microwave started toasting his hand, the man screamed as he saw numbers on the display saying "6:66", then a man was driving a car and came up to a curve, he tried to steer to the left but instead the car steered to the right, driving off the cliff and falling into the canyon below! Then all the TVs in the world stopped working, and show nothing but a message saying "PREPARE TO DIE HUMANS" and this guy with nothing else to do in his pathetic life stared at it and the message burnt into his vision, he saw nothing but the message in his sleep and went crazy! Then a huge robot army came and killed everyone. THE END.

Imagine drinking regular Budweiser.