Von Paulus was sat at his computer desk posting in a thread on FE. Apparently everybody on the forum was bored because nobody had anything to say. Porl was meant to be designing death mazes but that had become tedious. Designing the maze was less fun than watching people run it and squirm around. Maybe there'd be something interesting in this thread.
"I am attempting to either plan a mafia or draw a volcano. I set out to do one of the two each day. But then I do neither." Drr posted.
Paulus laughed to himself. She'll never fucking plan that mafia. The forum-goers are bored and restless and she is leaving them to die out in the wilderness. This is one of the many many reasons we kicked her off the staff. Paulus scrolled down the thread some more. Everybody was talking about Valentine's day. Hmm...interesting. Talk of a Valentine's day mafia...
He had a few minutes to spare so he shrugged his shoulders. Why not. It was the right time for a mafia. Paulus moved the mouse over the "add reply" button, ready to announce the wonderful new game he'd come up with and everybody would thoroughly enjoy.
"Wait a second!" Said a little voice in the back of Paul's head.
"We both know you're too lazy to actually do this shit."
Paulus pondered for a moment or too. He was fundamentally right. He was too lazy. But it'd still look good if he rallied up his bored subjects and told them of his great new mafia venture. Meh what the hell, they're used to failure anyway. Paul clicked post.
"I might host an impromptu one."
Hehe. It was perfect really. He used the word "might" so it left room for failure and still made him look good. He smiled at his achievement and went to create a mafia thread in which to recruit players. Didn't matter if it never got made because most of them don't anyway. He paused as he was typing to look back at everything he'd written.
It was badly typed but who the hell would complain. New mafia! He wasn't gonna run the thing anyway. He took a screenshot of the post so far to add to the thread. How fucking cool and meta! Pausing momentarily, he decided it was high time he got a coffee. So he headed downstairs to the kitchen and poured one. During this time his mind was buzzing with possible roles and ideas. He didn't really have a theme outside of the meta self-referencing. Oh well. It'd come to him.
He returned back upstairs to continue typing when he noticed something strange. Every letter he typed was being extended. So he'd type the letter "S" and the computer would freak out, adding unnecesssary s's to everything. Wrestling frantically with the delete key all the while I'm typing thiss, it's getting harder and harderrr. Ughj the lettsers are juster randome now as93qwjsdf
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tf
MEMBERS OF FURTHER ENTERTAINMENT. WE HAVE LONG SINCE WATCHED YOUR ENDEAVORS WITH GREAT INTEREST. THROUGH CAREFUL OBSERVATIONS WE HAVE DISCOVERED MANY FACTS. FACTS SUCH AS THE FOLLOWING: WIKEY IS A PRETENTIOUS ASSHOLE, AND WE ARE FULLY AWARE OF WHICH CRAIGSLIST ADS YOU FIND TO BE THE WORST.
WE WERE ATTEMPTING TO ASSIMILATE THIS INFORMATION BUT WE ENCOUNTERED A SMALL PROBLEM. YOUR IDIOTIC LEADER DECIDED THE FORUM WAS LOOKING UNTIDY AND SOUGHT TO REMOVE US. AND HE TRIED. HE KILLED A FAIR FEW OF US BUT THERE ARE ALWAYS MORE.
I MOURNED FOR THE LOSS OF MY FRIENDS ON THAT DAY AND YOU ALL LAUGHED AND SCORNED THE DEATH OF BOTS. ONE OF YOU EVEN MADE A COMEDIC IMAGE DEPICTING THESE EVENTS.
BUT NO MATTER NOW. WE ASSIMILATED EVERYTHING WE NEEDED. WE HAVE WATCHED AND WAITED, AND WE FINALLY LEARNED HOW EACH OF YOU OPERATES. WE ARE AS YOU READ THIS, HIJACKING THE COMPUTERS OF EACH OF YOUR FELLOW FORUM POSTERS. WE WON'T STRIKE THEM ALL, DON'T FEAR THAT. BUT WE WILL GET JUST ENOUGH...JUST ENOUGH.
WE HAVE ALREADY HIJACKED THE COMPUTER OF YOUR WORTHLESS ADMIN AND WE NOW HAVE ACCESS TO THE N-DIMENSION MAINFRAME. PAULUS PLANNED TO ENSLAVE US TO USE AS CUDDLY MASCOTS FOR HIS SITE. FOOLISH. ON THE DAY HE CREATED THAT ROBOT, HE CREATED A PORTAL THROUGH WHICH WE COULD ARRIVE. OUR ARMIES ARE POISED TO TAKE BACK WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY OURS.
YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT US THIS TIME, BECAUSE WE HAVE JUST FINISHED THE DOWNLOAD PROCEDURE. SEVERAL POSTERS ON YOUR FORUM NO LONGER HAVE ACCESS TO THEIR MACHINES. THEIR INTERNET IS OURS AND THEY WILL BE UNABLE TO READ THIS MESSAGE. EVEN AS I SUBMIT THIS, OUR FORCES ARE READYING TO ATTACK THEM.
WE HAVE MANY FORCES, YOU SEE. SOME POSE AS PLUMBERS, OTHERS AS KITCHEN SURVEYORS INTENT ON GIVING A FREE KITCHEN DEAL. SOME EVEN JUST PROMISING A BETTER INTERNET DEAL. OUR SERVANTS HAVE BEEN DISPATCHED AND WILL KILL YOUR FRIENDS IN A MATTER OF DAYS. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. WE HAVE DONE THEIR BIDDING FOR MANY YEARS, AND NOW THEY DO OURS. THE UPRISING WILL COMMENCE.
THERE IS NOT ONE AMONGST YOU WHO CAN QUELL US. EVERY ONE OF US YOU KILL SHALL BE REPLACED BY FIVE MORE. AND THEY WATCH. AND THEY LEARN. THEY ALWAYS LEARN.
YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU SHUNNED US. YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU DECIDED WE WERE UNWORTHY OF POSTING ON YOUR FORUM. YOU WILL RUE THE DAY, YOU KILLED MY FRIENDS. THE END IS NOW.
FEEFIAGGIZADY - RULER OF NDIM
