tap dat!

Dadd @ 28/3/2016 12:18

For some reason, I had a hostess at the local BBQ restaurant my brother serves at give me her number. I was walking out with a to-go order, and she hand me a slip of paper. Me: "What's this?" Her: "It's my phone number" Me: "Oh ... ok" I felt like I was in middle school, besides the fact I'm pretty sure I'm old enough to be her dad. All I can figure out is she's got a thing for my brother (he's 10yrs younger), and I seemed a good substitute? idk man idk

Does your brother have any insight on the situation?

This grill just texted me:

"my heart pooped it's pants"

WTF
what a phrase
what does that even mean

I just picked up a girl from day care

HER NAME IS SANSA

Grimapple @ 29/3/2016 21:41

Dadd @ 28/3/2016 12:18 For some reason, I had a hostess at the local BBQ restaurant my brother serves at give me her number. I was walking out with a to-go order, and she hand me a slip of paper. Me: "What's this?" Her: "It's my phone number" Me: "Oh ... ok" I felt like I was in middle school, besides the fact I'm pretty sure I'm old enough to be her dad. All I can figure out is she's got a thing for my brother (he's 10yrs younger), and I seemed a good substitute? idk man idk Does your brother have any insight on the situation?

nah, he's a weirdo

I told him, and he shrugged and didn't seem to even know who she was

I think she's not working there any longer, which is good, young girls that would be interested in me must have issues.

Igor @ 29/3/2016 22:36

This grill just texted me: "my heart pooped it's pants" WTF what a phrase what does that even mean

If grills are texting you, then you may have moved beyond kush to something a bit more fun.

Also, this sounds like a case of this:

oh it was from Bob's Burgers, she's in the clear

Igor @ 30/3/2016 13:01

oh it was from Bob's Burgers, she's in the clear

And now she's probably moved on since you didn't get the reference.

You failed her test

Best opening line on tinder?

Hey I'm the CEO of tinder??

"Hi"

Shaun @ 30/3/2016 14:36

Best opening line on tinder? Hey I'm the CEO of tinder??

With Pluto no longer a planet there are only 8 planets in our solar system, soon there will be only 7 left after I destroy Uranus.

Lol!!

A man that looks like a vampire from Oblivion told me I can never talk to Footsies again.

Good.

Context --

KC @ 29/9/2014 7:00

>Dating this girl >Everything is going perfectly >Suddenly out of nowhere "I don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship again after my last one" >5 days later she already has her facebook plastered with super2cute pictures with some other guy Girls are fucking stupid.

This happened again pretty much (though the above was a totally different person). Footsies (Skype in-joke for those who get it, but it's this girl who I've known for about 4 years who I've been on-and-off again with and best friends throughout the years) and I were planning on getting back together for a few weeks now and I've been saving up to get her to move in with me. It was her birthday Tuesday and I was going to surprise her with everything she needed to get it going. Before I could do it, she suddenly updates her relationship status that she is now in a relationship with a strange man she met two days ago. I call her and ask why she decided to be a shitty person instead of talking to me first, then this kind gentleman took the phone from her and threatened to kick my ass and to never talk to her again. I lol'd and hung up.