Re: Leelah

Yes, this is a senseless tragedy that should have been avoided. Could it have been avoided in 2014? No. Transgender awareness is not anywhere near the point where it could prevent every potential incident like this. We don't know what Leelah's parents were thinking. I tend to never attribute to malice that which can be explained by ignorance, so that's my take on it. You can't change malice, and you can't change the past, but you can change ignorance. Not by shoving the good word about transgender people (which is to say they're people first and transgender second) down people's throats or getting righteously indignant at the Alcorn family, but by increasing visibility. The message here shouldn't be "fuck the Alcorns" but rather "no one should have to go through the isolation and despair she went through."

I saw this on reddit today.

Spoiler

+

A PSA FOR THE FRIENDS OF TRANS INDIVIDUALS SUCH AS MYSELF A while back something unpleasant happened to me and I was so taken aback that rather than react appropriately I forced a smile and pretended nothing was wrong. It's an old defense mechanism; I feign candor, a complete openness and lack of personal boundaries so that I can pretend not to be hurt when people trample over them. I felt ashamed at not being more assertive, not handling it better, so it's taken me a long while to speak up. So. A public service announcement -- this will, due to circumstance, specifically address dealings with transgender women, but with a little imagination one can easily extrapolate it to interactions with persons of all gender and sexual variations: When you are enjoying a casual outing in public with a transgender woman, it is not polite to ask whether or not she plans to have her genitals surgically altered. It is not polite to ask whether her hormones will "shrink your balls." It is not polite to ask her if her "dick still works." Would you appreciate being asked, in the midst of a crowd of people you only partially know, how large your penis or labia are? What shade the skin? If it's hairy? If your vagina experiences ample lubrication or your penis sufficient tumescence to successfully engage in the act of coitus? Would these be welcome questions to be asked uninvited, unprovoked, or would they make you feel like a bug in a jar whose presence has suddenly shifted from "guest" to "novelty?" If you would never dream of asking a woman you just met about the most intimate details of the most intimate part of her anatomy, then doing so of a trans woman is implicitly telling her that you don't actually regard her as a woman at all. But then you probably wouldn't ask a man you just met about his penis either, so what that REALLY says is that you don't even think of her as a person. She's an oddity to be prodded, a freak to be gawked at. I just wanted a girls' night out. Instead I was humiliated and suffered the betrayal of self that was laughing my way through it because I couldn't bear to do anything else. I'm sorry, I'm trying not to be emotional, but it's rather difficult. I'm not naming names here, nor shall I, and if anyone reading this recognizes their own conduct in my account of the events I'll appreciate your not stepping forward to comment publicly, be it to apologize or defend yourselves. I am not posting this to stir up drama or rake anyone across the coals, I'm posting this because it clearly needs to be explained. Thank you for your attention.

I don't understand how people believe they have a "right" to not be offended. People are put in uncomfortable situations CONSTANTLY.

This is the kinda stuff that pisses me off. If you have a problem with someone address it with them, don't just laugh it off and then bitch about it later on the internet like its a national fucking tragedy

Jesus fucking Christ people

Chris please don't take the Lord's name in vain

Chris25 @ 21/1/2015 18:28

I saw this on reddit today. Spoiler + A PSA FOR THE FRIENDS OF TRANS INDIVIDUALS SUCH AS MYSELF A while back something unpleasant happened to me and I was so taken aback that rather than react appropriately I forced a smile and pretended nothing was wrong. It's an old defense mechanism; I feign candor, a complete openness and lack of personal boundaries so that I can pretend not to be hurt when people trample over them. I felt ashamed at not being more assertive, not handling it better, so it's taken me a long while to speak up. So. A public service announcement -- this will, due to circumstance, specifically address dealings with transgender women, but with a little imagination one can easily extrapolate it to interactions with persons of all gender and sexual variations: When you are enjoying a casual outing in public with a transgender woman, it is not polite to ask whether or not she plans to have her genitals surgically altered. It is not polite to ask whether her hormones will "shrink your balls." It is not polite to ask her if her "dick still works." Would you appreciate being asked, in the midst of a crowd of people you only partially know, how large your penis or labia are? What shade the skin? If it's hairy? If your vagina experiences ample lubrication or your penis sufficient tumescence to successfully engage in the act of coitus? Would these be welcome questions to be asked uninvited, unprovoked, or would they make you feel like a bug in a jar whose presence has suddenly shifted from "guest" to "novelty?" If you would never dream of asking a woman you just met about the most intimate details of the most intimate part of her anatomy, then doing so of a trans woman is implicitly telling her that you don't actually regard her as a woman at all. But then you probably wouldn't ask a man you just met about his penis either, so what that REALLY says is that you don't even think of her as a person. She's an oddity to be prodded, a freak to be gawked at. I just wanted a girls' night out. Instead I was humiliated and suffered the betrayal of self that was laughing my way through it because I couldn't bear to do anything else. I'm sorry, I'm trying not to be emotional, but it's rather difficult. I'm not naming names here, nor shall I, and if anyone reading this recognizes their own conduct in my account of the events I'll appreciate your not stepping forward to comment publicly, be it to apologize or defend yourselves. I am not posting this to stir up drama or rake anyone across the coals, I'm posting this because it clearly needs to be explained. Thank you for your attention. I don't understand how people believe they have a "right" to not be offended. People are put in uncomfortable situations CONSTANTLY. This is the kinda stuff that pisses me off. If you have a problem with someone address it with them, don't just laugh it off and then bitch about it later on the internet like its a national fucking tragedy Jesus fucking Christ people

For the record, this is my actual opinion and not an attempt to troll

Curtis @ 21/1/2015 18:33

Chris please don't take the Lord's name in vain

You had me at hello

I was at a scifi/fantasy con over the weekend and they had all these tags with different pronouns on them so people could address others hiwever they wanted, including one that said "no pronouns use my name". I thought it was a really neat thing. But also ey/er/eirs isnt a prounoun and I think id think you were dumb if you asked me to use that

so you're mad that someone else isn't as open about being mad? Not everyone is balls to the walls or wants to start shit. Did you comment directly to this person or did you just nod and then come here to complain about it in private?

Malion @ 21/1/2015 18:58

so you're mad that someone else isn't as open about being mad? Not everyone is balls to the walls or wants to start shit. Did you comment directly to this person or did you just nod and then come here to complain about it in private?

I did make a comment on the reddit article.

I'm pissed because people believe that they have a right to not be offended and that specific right trumps everyone elses right to say what they want either intentionally or unintentionally.

Chris25 @ 21/1/2015 20:19

Malion @ 21/1/2015 18:58 so you're mad that someone else isn't as open about being mad? Not everyone is balls to the walls or wants to start shit. Did you comment directly to this person or did you just nod and then come here to complain about it in private? I did make a comment on the reddit article. I'm pissed because people believe that they have a right to not be offended and that specific right trumps everyone elses right to say what they want either intentionally or unintentionally.

I searched your post and they never used the term "right" which you quoted as if it were said.
I think it's more of a wish for things to be better or easier for people who are having a hard time or are in uncomfortable situations. Which I think is reasonable to at least comment on... or even less so just to rant about it on reddit. Making a peep into the endless inky void of reddit should not a rageful response make.

Malion @ 21/1/2015 19:27

Chris25 @ 21/1/2015 20:19 Malion @ 21/1/2015 18:58 so you're mad that someone else isn't as open about being mad? Not everyone is balls to the walls or wants to start shit. Did you comment directly to this person or did you just nod and then come here to complain about it in private? I did make a comment on the reddit article. I'm pissed because people believe that they have a right to not be offended and that specific right trumps everyone elses right to say what they want either intentionally or unintentionally. I searched your post and they never used the term "right" which you quoted as if it were said. I think it's more of a wish for things to be better or easier for people who are having a hard time or are in uncomfortable situations. Which I think is reasonable to at least comment on... or even less so just to rant about it on reddit. Making a peep into the endless inky void of reddit should not a rageful response make.

I'm sorry you wanted to have a fun time but instead were made to feel uncomfortable, welcome to the human race.

Chris25 @ 21/1/2015 20:40

Malion @ 21/1/2015 19:27 Chris25 @ 21/1/2015 20:19 Malion @ 21/1/2015 18:58 so you're mad that someone else isn't as open about being mad? Not everyone is balls to the walls or wants to start shit. Did you comment directly to this person or did you just nod and then come here to complain about it in private? I did make a comment on the reddit article. I'm pissed because people believe that they have a right to not be offended and that specific right trumps everyone elses right to say what they want either intentionally or unintentionally. I searched your post and they never used the term "right" which you quoted as if it were said. I think it's more of a wish for things to be better or easier for people who are having a hard time or are in uncomfortable situations. Which I think is reasonable to at least comment on... or even less so just to rant about it on reddit. Making a peep into the endless inky void of reddit should not a rageful response make. I'm sorry you wanted to have a fun time but instead were made to feel uncomfortable, welcome to the human race.

darwin2500

Malion @ 21/1/2015 20:27

Chris25 @ 21/1/2015 20:19 Malion @ 21/1/2015 18:58 so you're mad that someone else isn't as open about being mad? Not everyone is balls to the walls or wants to start shit. Did you comment directly to this person or did you just nod and then come here to complain about it in private? I did make a comment on the reddit article. I'm pissed because people believe that they have a right to not be offended and that specific right trumps everyone elses right to say what they want either intentionally or unintentionally. I searched your post and they never used the term "right" which you quoted as if it were said. I think it's more of a wish for things to be better or easier for people who are having a hard time or are in uncomfortable situations. Which I think is reasonable to at least comment on... or even less so just to rant about it on reddit. Making a peep into the endless inky void of reddit should not a rageful response make.

Clarification, Reddit is wonderful. Hateful communities like /r/TheFappening /r/TheRedPill are not. It's a bunch of communities, not some internet dive with a bunch of assholes and no good people.

Oh I know there are a lot of subreddits, but it is for that reason that I don't think it should be really taken too seriously... it's so segmented and what is said is seen by far fewer persons than would be notable. I could probably post some some random subreddit and nobody would ever actually even see it. lol. It's practically just a set of really simplified forums and you wouldn't fret over someone complaining on some random other N-Dim or Zetaboard forum on here.

Malion @ 21/1/2015 20:50

Oh I know there are a lot of subreddits, but it is for that reason that I don't think it should be really taken too seriously... it's so segmented and what is said is seen by far fewer persons than would be notable. I could probably post some some random subreddit and nobody would ever actually even see it. lol. It's practically just a set of really simplified forums and you wouldn't fret over someone complaining on some random other N-Dim or Zetaboard forum on here.

I saw a post on this rpg i used to go to today and this person I hate, Kiah, wrote a totally terrible post.