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Miko
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| Post #31: 18th Feb 2016 6:30 PM | |
| 'Oh my god, it's full of stars!'
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Miko
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| | Reputation: -42 | | Group: | Veteran | | Posts: | 1,952 | | Joined: | May 12, 2014 |
| Post #32: 18th Feb 2016 6:41 PM | |
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They're planning to use my execution to kick off the Essex County Fair. Word around town is they will hang me. I'm sure they'd try to electrocute me if that shit had even been invented yet. Color me stupid for not bringing back a spare generator I guess.
At least there will be plenty of cotton candy and caramel apples to go around as my spine dances above the gallows. I refuse to allow my own execution without the proper amount of concession foods. I might be a witch, but I'm not uncivilized. There will be children in attendance after all, best to set a good example. Keep your chin up and all that happy horseshit. Then it's off to meet the maker.
The irony of this situation isn't lost on me at all, in fact I find it quite hilarious. The random bursts of hysterical laughter during my imprisonment actually raised the question that I might just be insane. Well, some say tomato... Either way, I've resigned my fact to the end. Without any useful tools to get out of this mess there's really nothing left to do now but sit and wait. If only I had an eye of newt or hair of dog I could blow this Popsicle stand.
They have me locked up in some kind of cellar, I was unconscious when they thew me down here so I really have no idea where I am. All I really know is this place smells like swamp ass and rutabaga. Twice a day the door flys open and they chuck a few pieces of moldy bread and some fatty meat down into the cellar. I don't understand why they've chosen to try to keep me nourished when they're planning on killing anyways. I suppose they don't want hunger to steal them from their satisfaction of seeing my neck stretched.
Yesterday when the cellar door opened I was prepared and I called out and asked where I was, the reply was short and direct "You're in God's country" stated a voice. "Hmm" I said to myself. "God must be lost."
I wish I had a clown outfit to wear for the big day, clowns always know how to put on the best shows.
***
I've been sitting here trying to figure out where exactly I went wrong. It seems that I've been moving about for so long that I've forgotten what it's like to be still. At first, ducking in and out of time was a good way for a fresh start when things were going bad. A supernatural reset button, after awhile the living gets boring and all you crave is one fresh start after another and before you know it you're sitting in a root cellar that smells like swamp and rutabagas in Salem Massachusetts in 1692.
I have come to the realization that within everything, I allowed myself to be brought below the waves and partially drowned. I let myself go long enough so that I might flirt with the diminishment of the surface light and the moving of the world. But before I could struggle free the hands of Neptune and regain my lungs, I was caught. The hayseeds have me now. I am in God's country... supposedly.
They're going to hang me. It was wrong of Christians to have ever bought into all that peace and love nonsense, I guess we found out it was just a facade. Things are so much more interesting now that they've embraced their wonderment at bloody vengeance. What's a great lesson we've learned from the Bible today class? Hang thy neighbor.
None the less, I am doomed to dangle. There's no getting around it I'm afraid. I can only hope that the gallows are in a state of good repair. It would be a big disappointment to discover that I am to be stood on a chair and boringly tipped to my ending. Hopefully there will be a trap door to dramatically plummet through, or a team of stallions to hoist me at breakneck speed into the air. They have stallions aplenty in God's country I understand. It shouldn't be all that challenging for the promoters. Imagine that. Some dumb bastard getting yanked to his death by four steeds. Hell, light the gallows on fire or set off some fireworks when my head hits the top beam and you've got yourself the show of the century. You know, I wish I would have thought of that four months ago. I wish I would have thought of a lot of things four months ago.
The fear of death is worse than its actuality. Not unlike jumping off of something ridiculously high, you're scared and then eventually you do it. Afterwards you invariably come to the realization that it was really no big deal in the first place. When I was eleven and long before my foray into witchcraftery, I was rushed to Hospital because I was literally frozen in the fetal position. I couldn't unclench my hands or feet. It hurt like hell. Then, to add insult to injury, I started wandering in and out of consciousness. My mother rushed me to hospital immediately. I had had influenza for nearly a week and a half. After my parts froze my mother started thinking that it might be something else altogether. When we arrived at the hospital I was examined by several doctors. I was then given a spinal tap. They're not allowed to sedate you when they do it. They just lay you on your side, bend you slightly, and slowly slide needles into your spinal chord. The doctor told my mother and my grandmother that I most likely had spinal meningitis and would be dead within the week. All I remember is the JELLO. I wasn't given anything to eat besides JELLO. I'm not sure what that means, but thought I'd mention it for shits and giggles.
During the days and nights that followed, interns from all over the hospital started appearing outside of my room in droves. They would stand there, peering through the glass, as several doctors spoke and occasionally pointed in my general direction. It is a very rare thing, spinal meningitis. It excites the medical world to no end. One night, some days later, I awoke at around 4am. I got out of bed and walked out to the nurses station. I stood there, freezing. After several minutes the lady behind the kiosk noticed that I was standing there. She said nothing. I asked if I she would be a sport and call me a cab.
So much for preeminent death.
I fear that this time I'm not going to be so lucky. This time there is just moldy bread and fatty meat. So much for JELLO.
***
So here I sit. All out of moderately entertaining things to say. I have become the foundation of your dissatisfaction. I will pay the price for it. The Gods of entertainment demand sacrifice. It seems that they have chosen these paranoid Bible thumping yokels to dispense their justice. In doing so I will be gotten rid of. And surely replaced by something altogether more predictable. One less witch in the world to make the kiddies piss their beds at night.
Sometime in the next few hundred years, slogans such as 'power to the people' and 'make love not war' will be made passably believable. But even so we all know they're nothing more than cheap disguises bent on delivering the usually sought after nuggets of an anesthetized society. So you can replace them with 'Fuck the people, I want the power' and 'I was just looking to score cause of the war'
Sorry friends, the truth hurts.
This is where it all started I suppose, or maybe it started when we landed on this god forsaken rock. Maybe its implanted in our DNA, how to build a society and then forcefully collapse it under the weight or our own apathy. How many times has it been done in history? Too many to count? Maybe there's time to fix the problem and maybe problem isn't anything other than normal every day life. Wake up, make some breakfast, push the brats out the door for school, pop a couple vicadin and sip on a glass of wine, ahhhh comfortably numb. Thats what normal tastes like ladies and gentlemen.
I can hear the sounds of preparation coming from outside the cellar door. Hammers and nails on native Massachusetts hard wood. It won't be long now.
I did my best to stay awake so that I might see the sun rise for the last time. I fell asleep.
I awoke this morning to the familiar meat and bread. I wished it were JELLO. I attempted to pull myself together and convince myself that I would not waver when the time came. I did my best, but my knees were in the midst of launching a full fledged revolution. I tried to eat, but vomited.
And then they came for me. No last meal, no last requests fulfilled, no few minutes with family or friends. My execution was medieval, in that I was simply thrown in the back of a cart and wheeled to my destruction. People lined the dirt street, some throwing things, others merely observing me with quiet disgust. The fact that I wasn't openly sobbing or begging for mercy only fueled the crowds anger. My last jab gave me little comfort, but at least it was something.
As for the rest, well, there is little I can say of it. I would have thought my conditioning able to provide some capable last words, but I merely shook my head to the negative when asked if I had any. And then, as quickly as my life had happened, it ended. My legs wobbled, my lungs felt as if they were filled with concrete, I nearly bit clear through my tongue. I just stood there with a rope around my neck. Then the floor gave way and I went with it. It was that simple. Satisfaction guaranteed.
I guess that means the Essex County Fair is open. |
I actually, really, really like it!! Nice narrative and I like the time-jumping, but I did see something that didn't fit the time-period. The Essex County Fair didn't officially open until 1848, but I saw you mention that your character was in Salem during 1692. Even if the character had traveled from Salem to Essex County, the time-period still wouldn't have fit considering your story ended with the opening of the Essex County Fair, but the real historical opening wouldn't be for another 156 years.
So unless I missed out on something, feel free to elaborate so I can notice it and maybe give you some points back. I still really like the story though! I think you did a good job!
~Creativity (9/10)
~Grammar (8/10)
~Historical Accuracy (9/10)
~Consistency (7/10)
~Presentation (6/10)
Post Edited by Miko @ 23rd Feb 2016 6:05 PM | 'Oh my god, it's full of stars!'
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Miko
Bomb
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| Post #33: 18th Feb 2016 6:50 PM | |
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May 14, 1863
Peggy was panicking. General Johnston had ordered the evacuation of Jackson during the night, and Peggy had no idea how she was going to be able to get her 18 month old daughter and handicapped father-in-law out of the city. They were not a wealthy family. They didn't own a horse, much less a wagon. Her husband, Hank, had worked on the railroad before the war. His father, Henry, had worked the railroads as well, but he'd been mangled in an accident several years back. They'd been taking care of him ever since.
Peggy had been terrified when the war started. Hank was sure to join the Confederate Army, and as she feared he signed up quickly after the war began. Things weren't all bad at first. The Army kept Hank around Jackson. The railroad still needed to be functional to keep the lines running. The Confederacy needed those railway lines. In the first few years, Hank had never been gone more than a few weeks at a time. Most of that had been out on training exercises.
Everything had changed a little over a year ago. They'd just had Margy a few months earlier, and things were happy. Then, the Union troops began their march through Tennessee. Hank had been called into the action, and was sent north to Shiloh. He left with promises to return after the Yankees were sent back to the North. That was the last time she saw Hank.
Now, a year later, word had spread that the Union forces under General Grant were set to take the port at Vicksburg. General Johnston had arrived late, however, only getting to Jackson the night before. With his arrival came word that the Union Generals, McPherson and Sherman, were marching on Jackson before the campaign began to take Vicksburg. There were only 6,000 Confederate troops left in Jackson. Not enough to defend Mississippi's government seat. Instead, General Johnston had ordered the evacuation. He put out the word that everyone was to leave the city immediately.
The evacuees were given two choices. Option one was to flee to Canton, to the north of Jackson, where the Army would regroup. However, Governor Pettus had ordered that the Treasury, Archives, and various departments of state were to head East, to Meridian. With them would be going thousands of the citizens of Jackson. Without a horse and wagon, and without sufficient funds to purchase a seat on a train or caravan for herself, her daughter and her father-in-law, Peggy didn't know if they could make it all the way to Meridian. Canton was just a few hours walk to the North, so Peggy resolved to follow the Army.
Peggy walked out of the house, holding Margy. "Are you ready to go?" she asked Henry.
Henry looked up at her from where he sat on the walking cart, "I reckon I don't have no choice, do I?"
"No" she replied as she set the three tied sacks on the cart with him, before handing Margy over for him to hold during their journey. Peggy looked the cart over. They didn't have much to start with, and she had packed even less. Still, she didn't think it was going to be easy to pull the cart all the way to Canton. Henry wasn't as heavy as he used to be, but it would still be a heavy burden.
Peggy sighed, and hefted the handles of the cart. "Ugh" she breathed, realizing that the cart was even heavier than she'd expected.
Taking one last look at her little home, Peggy set off, heading north. They were some of the last to leave the city, and she wasn't going to be able to make good time. She would need to stop every few minutes to rest. She could hear the sound of gunfire to the West, where General Johnston was trying to hold off the Union forces until the city was evacuated.
It took Peggy a couple of hours just to get them to the northern edges of the city. They had joined a small crowd of refugees, also fleeing north to Canton. They traveled in silence. Henry seemed unable to comment on having to leave his home, and she was just too tired to speak. They were resting, only a mile or so out of the city, when an officer on horseback rode up from behind them.
"What's the news?" Peggy called out, as he rode up.
The officer slowed just enough to address the crowd before continuing his ride: "The Army is beginning the retreat to Canton. Best ya'll hurry on."
Hearing that, Peggy hefted the cart handles once more and tried to quicken their pace. She was exhausted, tears streaming down her face as she thought about Hank, the life they'd shared in the home she was now forced to abandon. She didn't know what would happen next. She didn't know how she would be able to take care of Margy, let alone Henry.
The retreating Confederate Army caught up to their small group just a couple of hours later, just as the sun was beginning to set. As night fell and the soldiers marched past, the group of fleeing Jacksonians paused for another rest. For the first time in hours, Peggy looked back towards her home. What she saw would haunt her dreams forever. The city was on fire.
As they sat, watching in horror as the flames grew over the city behind them, another officer approached them. Taking off his hat, the officer addressed the group.
"Folks, it's a fearsome sight back there. Best not to look back." He said, a weary expression on his face.
He continued, "The road ahead is clear, and we are going to escort ya'll all the way to Canton. Don't fear, you're safe."
"Safe." Peggy thought. "Will we ever truly be safe again?" |
I like the fact that you put in historical figures, and I like the narrative as well. I see you weren't aiming for an epic ending, but more letting the readers have the realization of despair from back then sink in. And that it was an unpleasent world to live in, and that you could truly never feel safe in the heart of war. So I really do like that approach and feel like you did an amazing job!
~Creativity (8/10)
~Grammar (8/10)
~Historical Accuracy (9/10)
~Consistency (8/10)
~Presentation (7/10) | 'Oh my god, it's full of stars!'
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Miko
Bomb
| | Reputation: -42 | | Group: | Veteran | | Posts: | 1,952 | | Joined: | May 12, 2014 |
| Post #34: 18th Feb 2016 6:51 PM | |
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Chapter One
Mesopotamia, 2193 BC
Simas walked across his crops, his wheat and oat fields were ripe for harvest. Simas had been a farmer all his life, that was the only thing he knew. He had dark short hair, brown eyes and light brown skin, a beard sticking out from the lower tip of his jaw. Simas wore clothes of light brown wool and a pair of sandals. Across the river, in the far distance, he could see the Zagros Mountains. Legends say demons lived there, but Simas didn't care for demons as long as they stayed away from his crops. It was almost time for the summer festival and Simas wanted to be prepared, if King Shar-Kali-Sharri enjoyed his freshly baked bread then that'd be a big career changer, his royal highness was descended from the Gods so if he got the King's blessing than that'd raise him to the skies for sure.
Simas suddenly noticed a pair of strange individuals coming down from the river bank, riding on horses. Simas seemed to think there were four of them, they wore grey woolen clothing and seemed to be relatively pale skinned with sleek blonde hair.
"Greetings travelers." Simas said as the four individuals stopped in front of the man, screeching their horses to a halt. "What bringeth youth to these lands?"
The man who seemed to be the leader of the pack, cursed at Simas in an unknown language.
That was a strange language, Simas thought to himself. "Where are youth from?" He asked, more cautiously.
The man in charge pointed towards the mountain and spat in his completely different language.
"Zagros?" Simas thought, a worried look on his face. "Youth are from the mountain?" He looked back and forth between the individuals, sitting on their horses watching him, their dark eyes judging him. The riders in the back slowly began to pick up battle axes, the leader barked something horrible as he pointed an accusing finger at Simas.
"Demons!" Simas cried out in panic.
Simas was afraid, sweat ran down his face as he ran the other direction. He tried to make it as far as possible, but before he had a chance to even do anything remotely memorable, one of the persons hit him with his battle axe, smashing the back of his skull into a crater.
The leader rode over to the dead body of the dark skinned figure and climbed off his horse. He picked up a knife and slowly sliced off the dead man's head and held it up high in the air for his men to see.
"Guti strong!" He roared out in a language that was far different than the one the dead man had spoken. His men cheered victoriously.
"Guti takes land for self." The Gutian leader said with a crooked smile and threw the head off into the fields. "Guti kill children of Akkad."
The Gutian leader stared off into what seemed like a town in the distance, his eyes burning with barbaric rage.
Chapter Two
Samsel-Dios was sitting on his stool, busy tinkering and measuring wooden planks in his private work room. He was an older man with dark brown hair and a bushy beard covering most of his face. He was clad in a black linen clothes.
"Master Dios?" A voice suddenly asked, interrupting the busy man.
Samsel-Dios looked up from his work and turned towards the open entrance to his work room, an annoyed look on his bushy face.
"Aye? What bringeth youth?" Samsel-Dios asked the young man standing in the pathway leading into his room. The young man was naked from the waist up and was only clad in loose black pants, he had short black hair and a young boyish look on his face. Samsel-Dios were his master, he had bought him at the slave market for a good penny.
"The news tablet hath arrived, master." The slave said. "I thought I would let you know."
"Ah." Samsel-Dios said with a smile. "Thanketh for letting me knoweth." The man rose from his stool and walked outside, his slave in tow. He walked through his stone house and picked up a tablet made from clay, resting neatly on the stone steps just outside the entrance to his house. He walked back inside and sat down on a wooden stool in the middle of the living room, his slave standing in the corner like a statue.
"Let us see." Samsel-Dios said as he began reading the Sumerian writing on the tablet. "Gutian forces hath cometh down the mountains?" He read, quite a concerned look on his face. "Plundering, killing and raping." He continued. "King Shar-Kali-Sharri hath deployed the army to deal with the invaders." The slave looked over, his eyes beaming with interest. Samsel-Dios were reading it out loud and clear for him to hear. "His highness stresses to all citizens that there is no need to worry. He estimates that the Gutians will soon be dealt a crushing blow." The news tablet had no more writing on it, Samsel-Dios would be forced to wait until tomorrow for the next issue. "Oh well." The man said and rose from his seat, placing the news tablet on the stone floor among a pile of older tablets already read. "I am sure things works will work out somehow, the King is chosen by the Gods after all." He paused. "Time to get back to work."
As Samsel-Dios walked back into his workroom, his slave walked over to the entrance of the stone house and sat down on the steps with a big smile on his face. He watched the beauty of everything around him, he watched a beautiful and all but a bare breasted woman with sleek dark hair and grey pants follow a well dressed man inside a building made from stone. He wasn't sure what they were up to, he had no knowledge of such things. He watched the canals as they stretched across the far edges of the town, he watched in awe as two gentlemen carried buckets of water somewhere important. The slave smiled and looked up, his attention suddenly caught by a strange bird. He had never seen such a beautiful bird before, it burst out into song as it sat on top of the roof of a nearby building. He listened to it sing, humming along with its melody.
Chapter Three
His royal highness, KIng Shar-Kali-Sharri, sat on his throne in his holy temple. The King was clothed in fine linen with colors of silver and red and wore lots of beautiful jewelry. Shar-Kali-Sharri was the son of the great Naram-Sin and great grandson of the even greater Sargon, the first King of the Akkadian Empire.
"May the Gods curse these barbarians." Shar-Kali-Sharri cursed under his breath, speaking of the Guti. Naram-Sin had been the previous king and it was under his reign that he had invaded the mountain lands of the Gutians, with a thirst for treasure and conquest. Naram-Sin had led an army of three hundred and sixty thousand souls across the Zagros Mountains. The Akkadian army had dealt a crushing defeat to the armies of the Guti and it wasn't until Gula'an himself, the King of the Guti, had been slain, that the battle had finally been won. After the battle was over, the Zagros Mountains were said to have been painted red with blood.
"They should've all been killed that day." He muttered under his breath, scratching his pointy beard. His father should've hunted every single one down and taken all of their women and children as slaves, that would've been just. But no, his father had been merciful, because a God always showed mercy. He had let them live and ever since then they had been coming down the mountain in small groups, raping and pillaging. It had grown worse over the years, the Guti had started to come farther down the mountain far more often than they ever used to.
"Curse them!" He yelled out loud, two guards clad in bronze armor jerked back in surprise. They had been standing guard at the far end of the room, listening to the king rant about his father's conquests and the Guti. Three priests were also in the throne room, kneeling in front of the King in worship. Two of the priests were clad in red robes while the third one was clad in green, all of them had weird Sumerian symbols painted on their foreheads. The priest in the green robe was the high priest, a woman with dark black hair. She rose and spoke directly to the king.
"My King." She said, her voice filled with respect, "Your wrath is justified, but please haveth patience." She paused. "The Gods shall cast judgement on these demons and restoreth glory to the people of Akkad."
"Kuh-Melia-Sinos." The King spoke. "Your words speak true, but the Gods showeth no sign."
"The Gods will showeth a sign in time, my King." The high priestess spoke confidently. "As surely as day turns to night."
At that moment, a well dressed man appeared in the entrance of the room and slowed to a stop. He had a shaved head and a scar running down the left side of his cheek.
"My liege." The man said as he knelt down. "I bringeth youth a godly luxurious specimen, as requested."
"Amros-Ghol." The King said with a smile as he inspected the light dressed slave in the background, her breasts almost bare, her sleek dark hair hanging down her shoulders. "You haveth fine taste, my friend." Amros-Ghol had been serving the KIng as his royal guard for many years, Shar-Kali-Sharri had been so impressed with his skills in certain areas that he had appointed him to be his special go-to-guy for certain godly needs.
The King turned towards Kuh-Melia-Sinos and gestured for her and the priests to leave. "Leave us, priests." He ordered. "I must attend private matters."
Kuh-Melia-Sinos rose from the floor and walked outside, the other two priests in tow. The high priestess did not cast as much as a glance on Amros-Ghol and the slave woman, standing near the entrance.
Amros-Ghol escorted the slave into the throne room and lead her up the stairs over to King Shar-Kali-Sharri, his eyes fixated on her slim figure, imagining dirty things. Shar-Kali-Sharri gave Amros-Ghol and the two guards and annoyed look, gesturing for them to leave as well.
"What are youth still doing here? Some privacy please?" The King asked his subjects.
"As his highness commands." Amros-Ghol complied and descended back down the stairway, walking out the room at a slow pace. The two guards hesitated for a while longer, but with a commanding gesture from the former royal guard, they too left and followed Amros-Ghol outside.
KIng Shar-Kali-Sharri was finally alone, he circled the slave like a hawk, stroking her sleek dark hair.
"You have a name, slave?" He asked, his urges were pulsing through his veins like wildfire.
"No." She said solemnly, her eyes fixated on the ground.
"Then allow me to giveth youth one." The King laughed, inspecting the nakedness of her body. "I'll call youth Reward." He said with a smile. "Now liveth up to your namesake and rewardeth your king, it's his god given right." Shar-Kali-Sharri smiled as he started to unbuckle his pants. His smile suddenly faded into confusion as a dagger pierced his throat.
"Do youth liketh your reward?" The slave woman asked. "No?" She said with a disappointed look as she pulled the dagger out from his throat and let the body of the dead king drop to the throne room floor with a thud. She had done as her master had instructed and with no exit except the main entrance and knowing the guards would come running in here any minute, she knew there was only one thing left for her to do. She plunged the dagger into her chest and let it sink in.
"May the Gods rewardeth me in another life." She whispered softly as she dropped to the floor with a thud, hoping that she'd be reborn as someone of privilege rather than a slave next life cycle.
Half an hour later, Amros-Ghol went to check on his king and the reward he had given her, the two guards following his every step. To his surprise, he found the two dead right there on the throne room floor.
"My liege…?" He asked, horror in his eyes. "What is the meaning of this!?" He cried out and turned towards the two guards accompanying him. They were completely frozen in place, staring at the two dead bodies on the floor like it was nothing else to do.
"Search every nook and cranny of this temple and arrest anyone you find suspicious!" He barked out. The two guards snapped out of it and ran off, in search for suspicious individuals hiding in the temple.
Amros-Ghol walked over to the King and knelt down beside him. "I'm sorry, my liege." He whispered. "This kingdom needs someone strong to ruleth these lands and that someone is not you." He smiled. "That someone is me."
Final Chapter
Kuh-Melia-Sinos sat in a dark room, praying to her Gods.
"The curse shall be lifted, peace shall reign over these lands." She prayed over and over again.
"High priestess, I bring ill news." A temple guard suddenly said, standing in the pathway leading into the room. The high priestess stopped praying and slowly shifted her attention over to the temple guard, clad in his sturdy bronze armor.
"Speaketh." She told him. "What curse is plaguing youth?" She asked.
"The King hath been assassinated." He suddenly said. "A slave is dead as well."
The high priestess's eyes widen in shock. This couldn't be, the King was supposed to be a descendant from the Gods. This wasn't the future she had envisioned, had they angered the Gods this much, she asked herself in doubt.
"The curse is upon us." She said in a whisper. "We must question everyone, especially Amros-Ghol." She said. "It is likely he had something to do with this."
The temple guard calmly walked over to the high priestess and suddenly sank a blade into her back. She gasped, completely taken by surprise.
"May the Gods forgive me." The guard said solemnly as the high priestess went limp on the floor.
He watcher over her for a while and gave a silent prayer, then he wiped off the blood from his dagger and slowly walked out from the dark room.
The news of King Shar-Kali-Sharri's death spread quickly across the kingdom, men printed the news with large Sumerian letters in clay and waited for the stones to harden. A slave picked up a handful of finished stones and put them in a bag, He placed the bag on his back and ran as fast as he could, ready to deliver some news tablets. He placed his first news tablet on the stone steps to a stone house, only to run over to the next house. His next stop was at another house, a slave sat on the stone steps which irritated the living crap out of him.
"Excuse me, but can you get out of the way?" The slave asked the young looking slave, sitting on the stone steps. "I'm here to deliver the morning news."
"I am so sorry." The house slave said as he got out of the way, the news tablet slave placed the tablet on the stone steps with a frown on his face and quickly ran off towards his next stop.
The house slave was amazed how fast the news tablet slave was running as he watched him as he disappeared into the distance. The slave soon walked into the house to alert his master that the news had arrived.
"Master Dios." He said as he walked into his master's work room. "The news tablet hath arrived."
"Not now, not now!" Samsel-Dios said, buried in his work. "I am finally finished!" He shouted happily as he stepped back from a wooden thing placed on the table. The slave could not figure out what it was, but it sure looked pretty unusual for something made out of wood.
"Is this art?" The slave asked Samsel-Dios. It sure looked like art.
"No, this is not art." Samsel-Dios said. "Look at this, Wheel!" He said as he picked it up and placed it on the floor, giving the thing a gentle push. The slave's eyes widen, he had never seen anything like it. The wooden thing seemed to roll on its own, pretty efficiently as well.
"That was amazing!" The slave called Wheel congratulated, staring at the wooden thing as it came to a slow stop. "Can you do it again?"
Samsel-Dios picked the wooden thing up and rolled it across the room, Wheel watched on in amazement. This was the most mind breaking thing he had ever seen. The stone tablet lay outside, resting on the stone floor, and at the moment, completely forgotten.
THE END |
You have yet again made an amazing story Herm! The time-period was done amazingly and the motives of the characters' decisions really fit within that time period and culture. I liked the political aspect as well, I'm a complete sucker for king and queen tales, so I loved this even more!
~Creativity (9/10)
~Grammar (10/10)
~Historical Accuracy (10/10)
~Consistency (9/10)
~Presentation (8/10)
Post Edited by Miko @ 18th Feb 2016 10:56 PM | 'Oh my god, it's full of stars!'
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Chris25
Head of Human Resources
 | | Reputation: -167 | | Group: | Elite | | Posts: | 3,544 | | Joined: | Dec 29, 2013 |
| Post #35: 18th Feb 2016 6:58 PM | |
The narrator was just being cynical. He actually moved through time and knew what a fair was but the fact that the people in the town had all gathered for his/her hanging was just like an ironic way of putting that his/her execution was akin to a county fair. | | |
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Miko
Bomb
| | Reputation: -42 | | Group: | Veteran | | Posts: | 1,952 | | Joined: | May 12, 2014 |
| Post #36: 18th Feb 2016 7:00 PM | |
Ahh okay, I get it! I'll discuss it with Bryce later tonight, thanks for the insight Chris! :) | 'Oh my god, it's full of stars!'
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Herm
Definitely not a Quran Burner
 | | Reputation: 212 | | Group: | Godfather | | Posts: | 29,713 | | Joined: | Feb 20, 2014 |
| Post #37: 18th Feb 2016 10:54 PM | |
Miko, you didn't post the whole story lol
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Miko
Bomb
| | Reputation: -42 | | Group: | Veteran | | Posts: | 1,952 | | Joined: | May 12, 2014 |
| Post #38: 18th Feb 2016 10:57 PM | |
Fuck the king...
I mean, fuck my computer!! I could have sworn I added that in there. | 'Oh my god, it's full of stars!'
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Timmah
The Butcher
 | | Reputation: 94 | | Group: | Legend | | Posts: | 8,753 | | Joined: | Jan 13, 2015 |
| Post #39: 18th Feb 2016 11:10 PM | |
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| Mine is gonna be much shorter this time as well! :) |
Lies! ;) | | |
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JJ
Pig
 | | Reputation: 164 | | Group: | Godfather | | Posts: | 33,771 | | Joined: | Jun 28, 2012 |
| Post #40: 18th Feb 2016 11:45 PM | |
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| Ahh okay, I get it! I'll discuss it with Bryce later tonight, thanks for the insight Chris! :) |
You won't discuss with me? | | |
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Miko
Bomb
| | Reputation: -42 | | Group: | Veteran | | Posts: | 1,952 | | Joined: | May 12, 2014 |
| Post #41: 19th Feb 2016 12:11 AM | |
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| Ahh okay, I get it! I'll discuss it with Bryce later tonight, thanks for the insight Chris! :) |
You won't discuss with me? |
Aww sorry JJ. :(. I was in a freaking hurry as I needed to go somewhere, and for some reason the surface of my mind only registers Bryce as a judge until I think later on, 'oh yeah, Buffy is one too'. I'm so sorry, I know I suck majorly for forgetting such a kindness, but I still love ya though! <3 <3 | 'Oh my god, it's full of stars!'
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Miko
Bomb
| | Reputation: -42 | | Group: | Veteran | | Posts: | 1,952 | | Joined: | May 12, 2014 |
| Post #42: 19th Feb 2016 12:12 AM | |
And ofcourse I will discuss it with you | 'Oh my god, it's full of stars!'
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JJ
Pig
| | Reputation: 164 | | Group: | Godfather | | Posts: | 33,771 | | Joined: | Jun 28, 2012 |
| Post #43: 19th Feb 2016 12:28 AM | |
What is the deadline? I have yet to read anything but I trust you have all researched your historical data and I will not need to check up on you! | | |
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Miko
Bomb
| | Reputation: -42 | | Group: | Veteran | | Posts: | 1,952 | | Joined: | May 12, 2014 |
| Post #44: 19th Feb 2016 1:00 AM | |
Ah, perferably tonight still. But it can hold up for tomorrow. I still need to do calucations from last round and maybe even reveal the next rounds genre already. | 'Oh my god, it's full of stars!'
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Herm
Definitely not a Quran Burner
| | Reputation: 212 | | Group: | Godfather | | Posts: | 29,713 | | Joined: | Feb 20, 2014 |
| Post #45: 19th Feb 2016 6:38 AM | |
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| What is the deadline? I have yet to read anything but I trust you have all researched your historical data and I will not need to check up on you! |
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| Mine is gonna be much shorter this time as well! :) |
Lies! ;) |
I aimed for short, but for some reason it got a bit longer than expected. Think it's my shortest story yet though so progress lol! | | |
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