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Timmah
The Butcher
  | | Reputation: 94 | | Group: | Legend | | Posts: | 8,753 | | Joined: | Jan 13, 2015 |
| Post #16: 16th Feb 2016 4:13 PM | |
That's what she said?
(how did we all miss this golden opportunity?) | | |
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Eric
Universal Item
 | | Reputation: 1 | | Group: | Newcomer | | Posts: | 23 | | Joined: | Aug 8, 2014 |
| Post #17: 16th Feb 2016 6:29 PM | |
I got something short in too. | | |
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Chris25
Head of Human Resources
 | | Reputation: -167 | | Group: | Elite | | Posts: | 3,544 | | Joined: | Dec 29, 2013 |
| Post #18: 16th Feb 2016 7:10 PM | |
I actually wrote a complete story this time.. well complete in my style of writing i guess. | | |
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Dyl
Butt Not Even Visible
 | | Reputation: 80 | | Group: | Moderator | | Posts: | 13,554 | | Joined: | Jun 25, 2012 |
| Post #19: 16th Feb 2016 7:46 PM | |
Oops :(
Sorry Miko! I stopped my new job today and totally forgot | "So, uh, what are we saying here? If we save LA from a nuclear bomb, then you and I can get together for dinner and a movie?"
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Chris25
Head of Human Resources
| | Reputation: -167 | | Group: | Elite | | Posts: | 3,544 | | Joined: | Dec 29, 2013 |
| Post #20: 16th Feb 2016 9:28 PM | |
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Oops :(
Sorry Miko! I stopped my new job today and totally forgot |
VICTORY | | |
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Timmah
The Butcher
| | Reputation: 94 | | Group: | Legend | | Posts: | 8,753 | | Joined: | Jan 13, 2015 |
| Post #21: 16th Feb 2016 9:39 PM | |
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Oops :(
Sorry Miko! I stopped my new job today and totally forgot |
The Chris method strikes again! | | |
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Timmah
The Butcher
| | Reputation: 94 | | Group: | Legend | | Posts: | 8,753 | | Joined: | Jan 13, 2015 |
| Post #22: 16th Feb 2016 9:40 PM | |
We need some updated standings or something! | | |
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JJ
Pig
 | | Reputation: 164 | | Group: | Godfather | | Posts: | 33,771 | | Joined: | Jun 28, 2012 |
| Post #23: 16th Feb 2016 10:17 PM | |
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| I spit out something pretty short. |
I will leave this alone. | | |
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Herm
Definitely not a Quran Burner
 | | Reputation: 212 | | Group: | Godfather | | Posts: | 29,713 | | Joined: | Feb 20, 2014 |
| Post #24: 16th Feb 2016 11:52 PM | |
Where's Bryce and Miko? | | |
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Miko
Bomb
 | | Reputation: -42 | | Group: | Veteran | | Posts: | 1,952 | | Joined: | May 12, 2014 |
| Post #25: 17th Feb 2016 12:13 AM | |
I'll judge tomorrow and get some standings in from last round.
An u suk dyl.
DOUBLE ELIMINATION!
Nah jk, but I'm going to become a tad bit more strict about the story submissions, as it's kind of ruining the 'competition' feeling y'all are supposed to have if someone doesn't submit something each round.
Post Edited by Miko @ 17th Feb 2016 12:13 AM | 'Oh my god, it's full of stars!'
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Miko
Bomb
| | Reputation: -42 | | Group: | Veteran | | Posts: | 1,952 | | Joined: | May 12, 2014 |
| Post #26: 18th Feb 2016 12:23 AM | |
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Stomp. Stomp. Drag. Stomp. Stomp. Drag. Stomp. Stomp. Drag. Grunt, Thud, thud, thud. “Oo, agamathama.” Pad, pad, pad, pad, pad. “Agoo bagama?”
Pad, pad, pad. Grunt. Pad, pad, pad. Splash. Scream. “Bagama hama! Bagama hama!”
“Oo, habidogoo.”
“Gama.”
“Eee, Carlos. Oooboo?”
“Eee, Betty.”
“Awww, Betty, dagaloga?”
“Meh. Goo bana?”
Pad, pad, pad, pad, pad. Grunt, Grunt. Pad, pad, pad, pad, pad. Strike, Grunt. Strike Grunt. Strike. Grunt. Blow. Crackle, Flame.
“Ahh, bera nucka.”
“Taga!”
“Fuda?”
Pad, pad, pad, pad, pad. Grunt. Pad, pad, pad, pad, pad. Thud.
“Eegah.”
“Taga.”
Betty looked over Carlos as she ate. As far as men were concerned, she could do worse. His hair was the perfect length and just so greasy that she knew he cared about his hygiene enough to impress her. His upper teeth jutted out just slightly, so he could hide them behind his massive lips. One of his eyes was lazy and drooped to the side, but at least he had both of them. He was stalkie, a little taller than she was, but not by much. He liked to smile and his teeth had not rotted yet. They were a manageable shade of yellow. He barely had any chest hair, but his legs and arms made up for it. He was well packaged in the nether regions. She knew they would have many cubs.
Betty rubbed the back of her head. She still had most of her hair. Carlos was gentle, she would need to toughen him up. The sabretooth was good. She would have preferred mammoth. She also wished he would stop staring. She liked to eat in solitude away from her family. This was probably why she was so easy to knock out. Had she been around her father, there would have been a death match and Carlos would have died. She might still kill him, but she appreciated the warmth and the bright light from the fire.
Her eyes darted back and forth, taking in the looks of the cave. She could tell Carlos was a decorator. He had aligned his rocks in order by size. He saved most of the fur from animals to decorate the floor and walls. She did not see any clothing, so he probably could not rip as gently as she suspected, maybe he was stronger than he looked.
Betty slapped Carlos in the face. He shook his head. She slapped him again. He grinned. She jumped on top of him. They had sex. Betty orgasmed. Carlos howled.
Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.
Betty’s father hovered in the entrance.
“Faffa!”
“Betty?”
“Faffa?” Carlos said, “Oo. Ugaba.”
“Faffa! Carlos. Carlos. Faffa!”
Roar. Smash. Thud. Drag.
Betty huffed and crossed her arms as her father dragged her out of the cave by her hair. When they were in the sunlight, Betty decided to watch the ground. Blood sped like a river out of the cave. Betty shed a tear and quickly wiped it away. She hated when her father did not approve of the men who chose her. Carlos was number two.
Betty was dropped by the fire outside her family cave and stayed flat on the ground. She refused to speak with anyone. Her mother thudded over to her.
“Uggh babalalaba tagoba samada goobada. Oo boda gama homopoke. Cado ibiamba togamogwama.”
“Fogo oo, Mafa.”
Betty’s mother kicked her in the head and stomped into the cave. Betty could hear her yelling at her father about Betty’s rudeness, and how he should have let her stay with Gay Carlos. Her father took it in stride and said Betty would come out of it eventually, she was a teenager after all.
Betty ran away from home that night. She went back to Carlos’s cave and ate the rest of the sabretooth. She took a mammoth fur from the wall and wrapped herself up in it. Betty decided it was time to put destiny in her own hands. She would go out searching for a mate herself, and drag him back to the cave. Betty slept.
A low growling filled the cave. Betty blinked her eyes open. A large sabretooth was crouched down and looking at her hungrily. Betty reached around her and she made contact with a spear. She picked it up and examined it. The pointy end was missing. She threw it to the side and sighed. The tiger lunged. Betty’s destiny was short-lived, just like her brother. |
Possibly the most basic and primitive time period you could have chosen, but I like the time-period though, so I appreciate that you decided to go that route. I liked the plot-twist as well!
~Creativity (7/10)
~Grammar (8/10)
~Historical Accuracy (?/10)
~Consistency (7/10)
~Presentation (6/10)
PS. The Historical research is possibly the biggest bitch I've ever had to work with, as you really have to fact-check. So I'm going to leave Historical accuracy up for later, when I have more time to really sit down and do my research, cause I REALLYwanna watch Survivor now. But I'll try to have all that up by tonight! :)
Post Edited by Miko @ 18th Feb 2016 6:41 PM | 'Oh my god, it's full of stars!'
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Miko
Bomb
| | Reputation: -42 | | Group: | Veteran | | Posts: | 1,952 | | Joined: | May 12, 2014 |
| Post #27: 18th Feb 2016 3:32 AM | |
I have read the stories, but will make the rankings tomorrow (lucky Eric), I need to unwind real quick and watch some Hardhome shit before I go to bed, as I am BEAT after having a 9 hour work day. But I'll have the stories up tomorrow as soon as I can (early afternoon most likely). | 'Oh my god, it's full of stars!'
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Herm
Definitely not a Quran Burner
| | Reputation: 212 | | Group: | Godfather | | Posts: | 29,713 | | Joined: | Feb 20, 2014 |
| Post #28: 18th Feb 2016 4:15 AM | |
You should post the stories in chronological order lol. | | |
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Herm
Definitely not a Quran Burner
| | Reputation: 212 | | Group: | Godfather | | Posts: | 29,713 | | Joined: | Feb 20, 2014 |
| Post #29: 18th Feb 2016 6:19 PM | |
Did Dylan mean started? | | |
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Miko
Bomb
| | Reputation: -42 | | Group: | Veteran | | Posts: | 1,952 | | Joined: | May 12, 2014 |
| Post #30: 18th Feb 2016 6:29 PM | |
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| You should post the stories in chronological order lol. |
Henny, you know I need your story last so you can blow everyones mind. <3 | 'Oh my god, it's full of stars!'
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