MURDER IN THE AMAZON
THE STORY OF FE 50 YEARS FROM TODAY
Longtime lovers, Matt and Sam, held hands as they slowly approached a dock at the edge of the river. The floorboards creaked beneath their feet with every step they took as fog seeped in-between the cracks.
An eerie feeling came over there, almost as if they were being watched.
Matt turned to Samm. "This is where it said for us to meet..."
Samm looked concerned. "This place smells like a frat house! Eww!"
Matt forced a smile. "You bitch :)"
Samm continued, "And I definitely just stepped in mud!"
"Quit you're yappin!" someone shouted.
Matt and Samm jumped backwards and leapt into one another's arms! "Hello?!? ...."
"Well I'll be damned," the man said as he approached them. "I always had a feelin you two were sausage handlers!"
The man stepped out from the shadowy jungle of the Amazon. He had a surly beard and his clothes were absolutely disheveled. He also smelt of his own urine, mixed with, milk was it?
"Hello Matthew. Hello Sammuel," he said.
Matt and Samm turned to one another, perplexed. "Sorry do we know you?"
"It's me! Simplton!"
Matt and Samm looked at each other again, confused.
"Corey. AKA Simplton. You don't remember me?"
Samm spoke up. "Listen bitch. Sorry to interrupt but I'm having a lot of trouble thinking right now because your foul odor is rotting my brain cells!"
Matt butted in. "Excuse my wife, she's sassy! Simplton, I think I remember you.... you're the guy who was always drinking all the time, right?? From Boston?"
Simplton frowned. "Heck no, man. C'mon! I was the first one to pour milk on my head and- "
"OH! THE MILK BOWL GUY!" Matt laughed. "That was so so funny!"
Samm grinned. "And have you washed yourself since?"
Simplton shrugged. "So I take it ya'll got the letter too? Sealed with the Garyball and whatnot, right?"
Matt nodded. "That's right. Led us right to this dock. Said to meet here for
further instructions."
Simplton nodded, "Yup, I got the same damned thing! I need this money man! I been moving all over the country. Living with my dad. My stepdad. My dad's stepdad. His mom's stepson. My dog's mom's stepdad! Goddamn I can't keep moving anymore! I need this money so I can finally settle down in my own trailer!"
Matt and Samm understood. "Yeah, we need our share of the FE treasure just as bad. Do you remember 50 years ago when getting married cost less than 50 bucks? Now for gays to get married it costs hundreds of thousands of dollars! We don't have that kind of money."
Samm hissed, "WE WOULD IF YOU DIDN'T SPEND IT ALL ON WIGS AND THROW PILLOWS, MATT!!"
"Baby I told you we NEEDED those throw pillows!"
"WE DID NOT NEED THEM!! WE DID NOT!! FOR THE LAST TIME!"
"How can you say that we didn't need the throw pillows, Samm? HOW?!? They
made the apartment!
"Hey quit you're yappin you two!" Simplton interrupted. "I think I see something..."
They all turned to the river as a rowboat crept toward them through the fog. It pulled right up to the dock and quietly laid there. There was no one in the boat... it was empty... but they noticed a piece of paper resting within.
Matt leapt on to the boat and read the note aloud:
Thank you four for joining us.
You are one step closer to gaining your share of the lost Treasure of FE.
Step aboard the boat and sail north until you hit the next immediate dock. There, you will receive further entertainment.
Your friend,
Von Paulus
Simplton turned to Samm and Matt. "Now, I ain't the brightest but did you just say...
four...?"
Matt nodded. "Yeah... Yeah! It said four!"
Samm was terrified and jumped into the boat with Matt. "Let's keep moving! This place is really creeping me out!"
Simplton hopped into the boat, almost tipping it over. He snatched the note from Matt's hand and turned it over. "Hey! Hey! It says our names!"
He read it aloud:
Simplton.
Matt.
Samm.
Curtis.
Simplton looked up from the note, concerned. "Where's Curtis, ya'll?"
Matt shook his head. "I... I don't know..."
Samm grabbed a paddle. "Let's get the fuck out of here! Curtis can meet us there! This fog is seriously creeping me out and really fucking up my hair! Let's go!"
Simplton grabbed the other paddle, and they took off into the fog.....