There once was a man from Nantucket;
He led a relatively mundane life and died from surgical complications aged 67.

How many people of an ethnic minority does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A finite number. 1 to do the task, and the rest to act in a manner stereotypical of their race.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He didn't. He was hit by a speeding Mac truck halfway across.

What did the kid with no arms get for christmas?

Spoiler	+
cancer

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

Spoiler	+
he was hit by a bus

i love these :awesome:

What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff?

They were my friends.

Man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there's this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, "Say, what's up with the guy with the big orange head?" And the bartender says, "It's an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he'll tell it to you."

So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, "Yeah, I'll bet you want to know the story, huh?" To which the man replies, "Sure, if you don't mind."

The man with the big orange head sighs and says, "You know, I've gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it's like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little -- when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out!

"The genie thundered, 'You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.'

The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: "So I said, 'Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.'

"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills -- I mean, I was loaded!

"So I said, 'Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.'

"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible.

"The genie booms, 'You have one wish remaining.'"

The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, "Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head."

Oh god I lol'd at that last one.

I kinda lost it on Mal's last one... suh hupu?

Is Mal my buddy Jared, because he tells that orange head joke all the time

The Crusher of Crushers @ 6/7/2012 22:10

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone? Spoiler + he was hit by a bus

I specifically remember the answer being Bob Dawg slapped it out of his hand in anger!!

Knock knock

Who's there?

Curtis

Curtis who?

Curtis page.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Vernon.

Go Away.

Leos @ 7/7/2012 9:08

Is Mal my buddy Jared, because he tells that orange head joke all the time

possibly

What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?
Both animals would die in an attempt at barbaric surgery and you would be taken away for psychiatric help.