You fling the throne room doors open. The room is filled with smoke. Banners and paintings on the walls are burning. The ornate floors are littered with the bodies of the Kingsguard and his advisors. His one living advisor, Akmong Sus, rests on his throne.

"You could have walked away." Akmong begins. "I pushed you onto the blade to take the fall for me and you survived it, but you pushed your luck. You should have left then. Counted your blessings. Returned to the remnants of your families and your torn apart villages. Returned to whatever life it was that failed you and set you off on this adventure. But no. You persisted, just to die here."

You watch as Akmong rises to his feet. The once meager, glorified message boy for the King was no more. Before you stands a larger, more menacing Akmong. Blueish energy crackles in the eyes of his mask. What was once a tattered suit has been replaced by heavy, impenetrable iron armor.

He takes a step towards you. In one hand, he's brandishing a large raven greatsword that you've not seen before. In the other hand, he conjures purple flames and watches his newfound power crackle in his hand with delight.

You look to your two party members, each one meets your gaze with a confident nod. The three of you have traveled together for some time now. You are ready to go to battle for them, perhaps for the final time.

Everyone readies their weapons. Grips around hilts are tightened. Arrows are notched. Spells are conjured and readied. Some grit their teeth, some howl out with rage, some adjust their cleavage and some simply giggle like the giggle dog they are. It was time for your final quest.

With one final roar, the twenty-one of you charge across the throne room as the towering Akmong runs to meet you.

What do you do?



Main Quest #1: All Roads Lead Here

This is it, your destiny awaits. Make your final decision:


For Greaseface:
A. Attack him with your mace
B. Be the classy Assblaster and ask for peace
C. Throw one of your badges at him

For Ahron:
A. Mage Hand his daggar and stab him with it
B. Attack him with your trusty longsword
C. Materialize a phantom motorbike and run him down with it

For Malus:
A. Ssssslap him with your sssssnake ssstaff
B. Pass your bad luck onto him
C. Chug a final mystery potion and see what happens

For Cyrillus:
A. Call to the Alliance of the Aura for help
B. Aim for his eye with your slingshot
C. Channel your pent up runt anger and attack

For Randall:
A. Slice him with Celine
B. Unleash your barbarian rage against him
C. Tell him a story about this one time at the gift shop

For Rara:
A. Rhoke him vith your rhip
B. Vield your staff and rhack him rith it
C. Tell him rabout your romplex rackstory

For Rok:
A. Stab him with your stabby stabs
B. Use your filth to harm him
C. Act on your primal urges and bite his jugular

For Khanarak:
A. Bring your warhammer down upon him
B. Charge him and gore him with your minotaur horns
C. Throw Faerora into him

For Ordella:
A. Let The Shadowy One take over and charge Akmong
B. Denounce The Shadowy One, channel Righen, and do what he would do
C. Throw your spear at him

For Lavina:
A. Bludgeon him with your banjo
B. Grab him, fly him upwards, and drop him
C. Do what Vandal does

For Canassa:
A. Channel your inner rogue, somehow sneak up on him, and stab him with your dagger
B. Gallop over him and trample him
C. Sit on him

For Faerora:
A. Steal all of his Inspiration
B. Steal his lantern and light him ablaze with it
C. Steal his moonberries and threaten to poison him with them

For Pastor Sandro:
A. Pay tribute to Tymora and let the flip of a coin decide your actions
B. Strangle him with all four of your hands
C. Watch what everyone else does and then strike at the very final minute

For Murder Bunny:
A. V̸̢̛͕͍͕̟̬̠͈̬̈͌̂͊̓̓̂̇̌̆̚į̶̛̠̇̾͐̏̑̆̽̽̓̎͊͝ơ̵͖̱͒̀͗͛l̶̠̜͎̱͙̟̳̼͓̿͑̄̑̓̀̊͗é̵̢̠̤̟͍͈̝̩̔̎̅̐̆̒͘͜͝n̵͇̜͇̙̻̱̩̪͔̍͊͋͑̌̈́̓̇̐̾̒́̓̌͘ͅt̶̗̰̫̺͈̗͑̏̔͌l̵̻̖̘̘̮̟̺̂͐̓̄̓̚͠ý̸̛̮̗͍̟͉͙̭̓͆̃ ̶̛͚̈̑͆͆̉̎͛̋̐̚͘m̸̲̻̟̰̼͖̻͎̓̓̒̾̾̓͐͑̕ų̴̨̛̼̪͎̖͍̳͖̠̯͍̤͛́̄̀̈́͗͜͠ř̴̨̢̧̨͍̪̝̖̫̻͇̱̗͋d̷̡̧̢̧͍͉̤̻̲̦̞͓͒̄̅͗̑͗̒̚͜ę̶͖̰͉͉̰̙͕̱̳͒́̒͐̓͜ͅŗ̷̞̰̼͖̖̭̲̮̜͗̏̑͐͆͌̇̓͗̓̈̓̇̄͜͜ ̷̲̬̼̭̲͉̪̑̏̎̐̒ḩ̸̯̠̹̠͍̿̄͒̀̉͆̐̕ĭ̴̧̜͙͌ṁ̸̡̧͙̥̙̳̲͉

B. S̴͕̳̎̃̈́ả̷̛̠̭̜͕̥͙͉̣̯̪̭̆̿͌̆͑͆͊͒̕͝ͅď̷̡̛̗̲̟͔̙̤̯͔̱̭̌͐͌͒͗̏̌̏̇̑͘͝͠í̸͇̗̩̯̼̆̃̇̀̋̔̇s̶̥̼̿̿̂ť̴̨̡̟͔͍̾̀̏͛̂̍͂̅ͅį̸̮̭͓̬̞͖͎̩̺̮̝̀͆̋͜c̴̛̱͇̦̲͔̥͍̺͙̳̺̼̃̄̉͗̌̓̀͘ä̶̛̛͔͚́͛̑͒̿̓̽̈́̿̾́͛l̷̢̨̟̪̞͎̯̻̝̂͂͑l̴̡̳̙̲̱̭̼͉̫̠̜̇̍͗̄͋͒̇̾̇͂͂̈́͋͘͝ͅÿ̴̧̧̼̼͉̳̺͔̺͎͈̞̖́̔͜͝ ̶͔̥̳̞̜̪͐̂̊̌̄̓̈́̒̈̇͊͠ͅţ̴̨̡̛̯̠̬̦̗̫͚̼͉̗͍̓͒̇̂̑̈́̋̕͝o̶͔̹͓͋̋̍̉̀͝͝r̷̡̨̢̳̝̮̳̭̟̗̟̲̜̀̄͆̒̊̇̏͌͑͛̍̚͜t̴̮̣͉̫̮̺̺͈͙͐̕ų̸̛̗̹̹͉̻͖̘̾̐̓͑͝r̵̨̗̱̗͓̤̘̦̳̝̘̈́ͅę̶̛͇̺̘͈̻̩̣̺̜̂̆͊̽̃̇̊͋́ ̷̢̧̛̛͓̩̯̝̙̗̹͇̉͛̉͐̓̚h̶̡̧̹͕͉̣̪̩̣̿͛́̋i̵̬͚͍̲͆̿̐̅̂ͅm̶̥̥̘̀̐̎̌̓̓

C. B̴̡͕̖̱̻̞͇̹̟̟͈̯̤̍̈̑̒̈́̈̎͋̂̔͂̕ͅͅŕ̵̞͚͛͐̽u̷͈̐̈́̐̈́̇̈́̈́̈́́̀̊̕̕͝͠ͅt̸̢͓̟͓̼̦̘̓̄̃̈́́͘͠ͅâ̸̡̨̛̩͕̺͍̰̮̹̤̮͓̣͐͆͐̌̓̑̈́́̆́̅̊̀ĺ̵̢̹͕̣̥̟͙̫̲̤͈̱̈́̾̔͗̊̄̿͝l̸̤̻̲̬̟̈́̔y̴̡̢͈̘̥̺͎̝̥̞͉̻̞̩̔͌̏͋̅̃̍̋̑̌̓͊̏͜͠ ̸̢̼̥̙͚̩̳͚͔̼̇͐̽̓́̊̌̕͜m̶͓̅̄̅͠a̸̢͖̞̜͚̥̫̬̗̞͛́̋̇̏̂͘͝ͅͅì̴̡͓̲̱͈͔̗̘͓̽̽̽̐̓̈̉͘͝m̶̧̡͈̙͕̮̬͔̲̱̯͎̘̗̑͛̏̏̓͆͗̕͜ ̶̨̧͙̪̱͍͓̭̻͉̞̞̞̖̓̈́̉̃̈́͆̓̑̀̆͆̄͊̈́͘h̶͎̗͐̃̈́̿̉͂̈́̈͛̑̀̔̚̚į̴̞̣̱̟̣̫̬̦̱͊͗̌̍̌͋̿͘͘m̸̩̠̥͎͕͍̪̝͈̀̓͋͛̀̋͆̃̈́̀̈͝͝

For Calius:
A. Gut him with your black horns
B. Call upon the Treants for help
C. Throw a black apple at him

For Priggat:
A. Tosh your fiercshful shuriken bladesh at him
B. Forshfeed him your latesht mosht ushful potion
C. Shtrangle him with your tail

For Tuuluuwaq:
A. Slice him across the stomach with your sickle
B. Give him a big bear hug, crushing his ribs
C. Get drunk one last time and charge him

For Booberella:
A. Charm him with your impressive figure
B. Ankh Ankh. Bludgeon him with your ankh
C. Charge him and bounce him away from you

For Marnu:
A. Vomit your puke into his mouth and hope there is some poison left
B. Play your harp for him until his ears bleed
C. Call upon the frogfolk you met in the jungle for aid

For Vandal:
A. Shatter a glass bottle of milk across his head
B. Bludgeon him with your femur
C. Do what Lavina does

For Hustus:
A. Claw at him with your well-manicured nails
B. Fire upon him with your longbow from the balcony
C. Listen to your historically unlucky instincts and do the exact opposite




Main Quest #2: How Do You Want To Do This?

Everyone roll a 1d100.

[ roll ]1d100[ / roll ]

Deadline is 7est!