initial thoughts before bed... i'm not sure how well i fit in with the group. I mean everyone was on 100% energy so it's hard to tell but i'm a bit nervous. it's interesting how the dynamic starts to form immediately, like the tribe immediately fell into a game of "make fun of Anders" essentially. Kind of develops an in-joke immediately that helps bond us together. Anders seems really cool though and will probably be centric to the tribe. Naomi stands out next most as trying hard to work herself into the dynamic and establishing a role as "nurturing." Seemed a bit fake to me but also I think I would get along with her most in a natural setting. First impression of Jenn is that she'll be an emotional player, but that's not based on much other than having strong opinions on celebs lmao. Alejandro seems really nice and cool but I'm not sure if we clicked yet. and then Ceejai didn't log on until after we signed off which was unfortunate. I definitely don't want to make the mistake of writing her off though.

I ended up volunteering for the solo role. I think I'll do well, I have confidence in myself, but it is probably an objectively wrong move just because working together on something helps people bond more than anything else. But if Anders and Naomi are a duo then hopefully I can group up with them two. I volunteered bc Jenn was being hesitant about it and I just kind of felt like she wasn't confident about it, so I stepped up. Plus I felt bad about just isolating Ceejai like that and making her be solo; maybe that lack of killer instinct will bite me but i hope not.

overall a very fun first night! excited for whatever comes my way, however long that lasts. thanks for the opportunity =]

I'll do a video with all the questions later, too

i said immediately 3 times in a row it's 2:40 am don't make fun of me

welp time for tribal

i have two videos to upload, the first was me going through the questions yesterday morning. it's long and honestly i haven't watched it back but i feel like it's nothing super noteworthy and probably skippable. i figured I'd throw it at you guys regardless tho so here is that. next one is better tho.



this one i recorded 10 minutes ago and features me ALMOST FUCKING CRYING because im a self-conscious nutjob. i don't know why i get so touchy about these things... like i know i'm not awful with people; i was prom king 3 times in high school, president of my fraternity, have done well in ORGs generally. but still i just get so freaking self conscious and well... you'll see. Video ends abruptly bc mom came in room and yeah living w parents is rough.


sorry i touch my face so much

moral of the story is i have no idea what the fuck i'm doing. i'm just trying to make strong personal connections at the moment and seeing where it takes me. wish me luck!

ps: i definitely just accidentally uploaded at least one of these publicly but i think i fixed it. plz let me know if im wrong

quick recap of things that have happened tonight:
-everyone has agreed on voting ceejae
-naomi calls ceejae and they agree on jenn as a vote (naomi claims ceejae threw it out)
-naomi comes back to A-team and we have a short debate on switching or not, decide not to rock boat bc anders hasn't talked to ceejae and it'd just be messy
-i accidentally expose naomi as a liar to alejandro repeatedly lmfao whoops
-alejandro and ceejae call and alejandro tells her she's in trouble and to push for naomi
-ceejae messages me saying that naomi said jenn's name, but she wants to do naomi
-i don't want there to be any chance of me being forced to flip on naomi, who trusts me the most, so i immediately call jenn and am like "hey ceejae is scrambling and she said your name to naomi and then said naomi's name to me" and i'm a little scattered during this convo but ultimately we agree we aren't changing
-i tell alejandro that i called jenn and that my vibe from jenn is that she isn't changing because he's texting me that he is in love with ceejae and wants to flip it so i want to kill that dream (rip somnium)
-i tell naomi and anders that ceejae threw out naomi's name
- ceejae wants to call me
- i get permission from jenn and naomi to be honest with ceejae. my goal with this was primarily to get ceejae to change off of jenn or naomi and make alejandro immune in order to cement jenn as next boot
- i tell ceejae she's going home, blaming the fact that i really don't think jenn anders or naomi will change. she takes it pretty well, says she'll go out with a bang
-my internet fucks me over at tribal and i miss ceejae going off on jenn lol
- 5-1 vote as i hoped with alejandro immune

so yeah i do think i was in the most pivotal spot with all the information at the end there. whether or not people realize that/care enough to do something, idk. But as of now I think I'm doing well; we'll see how adamant alejandro is about voting naomi at our next tribal. Cross that bridge when we get there

thanks for sticking with me and sorry to production for all my rambling thoughts i throw at you